The Appendix Diaries... part 2
I'm in the worst mood right now.
I hate being like this. I hate not being able to do anything and constantly being in pain. I couldn't even spend an easy day out with friends without suffering completely afterwards. I hate not being able to work. Sure I'm getting short shifts, but it is really straining my stomach, and I'm not even doing anything! What I hate even more is the fact I do have to work because I do really need the money. College is not going to pay itself and I refuse for my parents to pay any more of it. Totally refuse. I haven't even been Christmas shopping yet. I was even more aggravated when I did realise that Christmas is in fact next week!! And I have no money for it because most of it is going to my college savings!! I hate not being able to keep up my everyday workouts. I was starting to get back the nice muscular-ish definition back in my arms and legs a little bit and feeling a whole lot better fitness wise and about myself but now I can't do anything for another 6 weeks!! I think what I hate the most is the fact my stomach just seems like it doesn't want food. I would love to eat more than one weetbix for breakfast. I would like to finish that lovely silverside dinner with the roast potatoes, pumpkin and veges without wasting 3/4 of it. I would love to eat pancakes damnit! I want to eat the doughnuts that Irene got me without feeling like I shouldn't've. I would like to eat a seafood basket without my stomach going Hari Kiri on me again. There's a king size crunchie bar sitting right by my computer for a week and even though my eyes want it, I just can't eat it. Stomach says no. It pisses me off!!! Damnit I've had a crap day. Work was awful. I was conned like a complete fool and lost work $250+. That's never happened before. I'm smarter than that, I would always check the receipt everytime. Everytime! But today I didn't and I don't have a clue as to why. I just didn't. They played me for an idiot and I just feel stupid and angry at myself. I want to punch something, do somesort of violent act on something or start shedding innocent pieces of paper, but I'd risk screwing up my dissolving stitches and I don't want to give my insufferable appendix the satisfaction.
My brain is an idiot. I am totally incapable of realising that my insides are bruised and violated and that this is normal for recently-operated-on folk. I'm just an idiot. GAH!!!!!!!! I sorry everyone, I usually don't like doing this. I'm just whinging and writing about it usually makes me feel better. I just felt really low today.
However there are some good things that happened today.
1) I finished reading Howl's Moving Castle again and remembered why I love the book just as much as the movie ^_^
2) A customer at work said I was a really lovely girl, gave me a caramel lollie thing and wishes me the best Christmas. It made me feel good.
(and more for your amusement rather than mine)
3) I just stupidly dribbled parts of my dinner all down my top. Seriously.
Gosh, am I in top form tonight!?!
I hate being like this. I hate not being able to do anything and constantly being in pain. I couldn't even spend an easy day out with friends without suffering completely afterwards. I hate not being able to work. Sure I'm getting short shifts, but it is really straining my stomach, and I'm not even doing anything! What I hate even more is the fact I do have to work because I do really need the money. College is not going to pay itself and I refuse for my parents to pay any more of it. Totally refuse. I haven't even been Christmas shopping yet. I was even more aggravated when I did realise that Christmas is in fact next week!! And I have no money for it because most of it is going to my college savings!! I hate not being able to keep up my everyday workouts. I was starting to get back the nice muscular-ish definition back in my arms and legs a little bit and feeling a whole lot better fitness wise and about myself but now I can't do anything for another 6 weeks!! I think what I hate the most is the fact my stomach just seems like it doesn't want food. I would love to eat more than one weetbix for breakfast. I would like to finish that lovely silverside dinner with the roast potatoes, pumpkin and veges without wasting 3/4 of it. I would love to eat pancakes damnit! I want to eat the doughnuts that Irene got me without feeling like I shouldn't've. I would like to eat a seafood basket without my stomach going Hari Kiri on me again. There's a king size crunchie bar sitting right by my computer for a week and even though my eyes want it, I just can't eat it. Stomach says no. It pisses me off!!! Damnit I've had a crap day. Work was awful. I was conned like a complete fool and lost work $250+. That's never happened before. I'm smarter than that, I would always check the receipt everytime. Everytime! But today I didn't and I don't have a clue as to why. I just didn't. They played me for an idiot and I just feel stupid and angry at myself. I want to punch something, do somesort of violent act on something or start shedding innocent pieces of paper, but I'd risk screwing up my dissolving stitches and I don't want to give my insufferable appendix the satisfaction.
My brain is an idiot. I am totally incapable of realising that my insides are bruised and violated and that this is normal for recently-operated-on folk. I'm just an idiot. GAH!!!!!!!! I sorry everyone, I usually don't like doing this. I'm just whinging and writing about it usually makes me feel better. I just felt really low today.
However there are some good things that happened today.
1) I finished reading Howl's Moving Castle again and remembered why I love the book just as much as the movie ^_^
2) A customer at work said I was a really lovely girl, gave me a caramel lollie thing and wishes me the best Christmas. It made me feel good.
(and more for your amusement rather than mine)
3) I just stupidly dribbled parts of my dinner all down my top. Seriously.
Gosh, am I in top form tonight!?!