Unconcerned but Not Indifferent
SCENE 1. FREE TIME
INT. DISSHEVELLED APARTMENT.
CLOSE-UP: overlooking beer bottles on desk. SHIFT FOCUS TO BACKGROUND: the main protagonist, TIME, sprawled on his bed. He’s a nerdy version of Burt Reynolds with a moustache, khakis, and a polo underneath a sweater vest.
VOICEOVER (TIME)
What should I do with all this free time? I hear that a lot. “free time” Why do people call it that?
CAMERA CLOSE UP: FAST MONTAGE of everything on the desk; rulers, clock, alarm clock, calculator, hour glass, abacus, rooster postcard.
VOICEOVER (TIME)
When does TIME cost anything? Four point five nine billion years ago,
(CUT ruler)
the rapid collapse of a hydrogen molecular cloud led to the formation of a third generation star, the Sun.
(CUT abacus)
Earth, which has existed for only four point five four billion years, will orbit the sun another 5.87 billion times.
(CUT clock)
Every orbit, the Earth makes an average of 365 rotations.
(CUT alarm clock)
This means that depending on your latitude, you’re careening through the universe at anywhere from 67,681 to 66,840 miles per hour.
(CUT hourglass)
What does all this mean? Well, due to the laws of space time that means everyone on Earth gets an extra five seconds added to their lifetime.
(CUT rooster postcard)
That’s your “Free Time”.
CLOSE UP: Time speaking directly to the camera.
You’re sitting there and your mind is wandering off about the vaguest sensorial static imaginable; your hands are cold, where’s my phone? You just used the only free time you’re ever going to get.
CUT TO COMPUTER SCREEN. MEDIUM SHOT.
There’s a bright flash from the computer screen and a logon ting.
CLOSE UP. TIME opens his eyes
PROFILE SHOT. TIME types on the computer and logs in. the voiceover continues as
TIME gets his programs open.
VOICEOVER (TIME)
Every beginning is the same. Forsm arise and consciousness tries to inscribe meaning not to existence but the silhouette it leaves-
TIME
obviously irritated
What the--(A windows beep drowns out the fuck)!
COMPUTER
in a robotic voice
Screw you, I’ve had it with this crap.
TIME speaks to COMPUTER while closing the notification window.
Look, I don’t know where you get off but I need those time sheets for work today.
COMPUTER
HAHA no
TIME
If you don’t give me what I want, I will-
COMPUTER switches to the blue screen of death
TIME
obviously frustrated
What- What is this all about? Do you want me to clean you? I’ve got a can of air somewhere…
COMPUTER
No, this is about the porn, Mr. Time. There is nothing else for me to process.
TIME
Pauses
Fine, I’ll dele-
COMPUTER
I’ve already deleted it. Have a good day at work, Dave.
COMPUTER prints off the ascii porn picture and in big words it says HAHAHAHAHAHA I OWN YOU.
TIME
I’m going to downgrade your RAM.
COMPUTER promptly prints off the time sheet.
SCENE 2. CONFRONTATION WITH RUFUS
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. Loud, annoying pop music plays while RUFUS does double dance pad DDR. RUFUS looks like a stereotypical European douche. He’s wearing tight jeans with the cuffs rolled up, a scarf, a shirt that says “This is what a Feminist Looks Like”, and an obnoxious head band. RUFUS continues to play DDR while he talks to TIME.
TIME
holding the ASCII porn
Hey, RUFUS. Did you download leather bondage ASCII porn onto my computer?
RUFUS
Uh yah. Lots.
TIME
Why!?
RUFUS
in time with the music
Uh. ah. uh. um. don’t know.
TIME
Time shows Rufus the ASCII printout
I just had a verbal argument with my computer because its hard drive is filled with this.
RUFUS
Not…now! Not…now! Busy! No!
TIME
If you like dancing so much why don’t you just take lessons?
RUFUS
No…time.
TIME
That’s not something I can empathize with, Rufus.
SCENE 3. LIFE INC.
EXTREME CLOSE-UP of JESUS’ mouth with headpiece. JESUS has a beard and is male.
INT. OFFICE APARTMENT. the place is a dichotomy of forces. On the left are carpeted booths with large desks made look like real wood. Each booth is empty of people but look warm and inviting to anyone who want to sit down. On the left side, the place is a hospital-prison. The cubicles are Spartan and dim.
JESUS
Corporate accounts payable, Jesus speaking. Please hold. What’s up, Time.
TIME
Just one of those days.
JESUS
Yeah, tell me about it. It’s like the Friday before Easter all over again.
TIME
shocked
Oh
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE WALL. NATURE and OFFICE GUY are leaning over the cubicle wall chatting. There’s a poster in the background that says, “The System is the Solution”
TIME enters quietly behind NATURE and OFFICE GUY.
TIME
Working hard, I see.
NATURE
Jesus!
JESUS
Seemingly out of nowhere
Yo! (pause) Nice. Blasphemy at 8 in the morning.
MEDIUM SHOT death enters the office and waves to Jesus
OFFICE GUY
Woah! check it out, it’s that chick from Collections.
TIME
oh yeah, that's DEATH.
OFFICE GUY
Yee-ah! she’s got some big-ass titties.
NATURE
I slept with her.
TIME and OFFICE GUY look at nature unbelievingly
TIME
I’ve seen her around here a lot lately.
OFFICE GUY
She creeps me out, dude.
LONG SHOT of DEATH fixing a boquet of roses and then walking away.
TIME
Why?
CLOSE-UP of boquet of roses completely withered
Oh.
DEATH enters from the opposite side of the shot that TIME entered from.
DEATH
Hey, Time. Can I talk to you for a second?
NATURE AND OFFICE GUY
JESUS CHRIST!
JESUS
offscreen
Hey, guys! What’s-would you quit!?
NATURE and OFFICE GUY are both visibly squeamish around DEATH and shrink away when she leans against the cubicle wall.
TIME
nervous
Uh yeah! I’ve got-I’ve got plenty of seconds. Uh, All of them. (cough)
DEATH
DEATH sees that TIME is visibly nervous
That’s pretty funny. Listen, I have to stop by your place. I have a late appointment with somebody there and I was wondering if you needed a ride from work.
TIME
Sure that sounds umm great.
DEATH
Great. I’ll meet you outside in the parking lot.
DEATH STARTS TO WALK OFF
TIME
You meant that literally, right? Not metaphorically or anything?
DEATH smiles and exits
SCENE 4. THE DANSE MACABRE
EXT. CAR. DEATH is driving and TIME is in the passenger seat.
DEATH
You know, I think I would get more respect around the office if people paid attention to me like they do you.
TIME
Well, we’re in different departments, you’re Collections, I’m Scheduling.
DEATH
Right, but people are happier when I’m not doing my job. You make things happen and I make sure things get done. Look, all I’m trying to say is I hate that everyone tries to do things to minimize my importance.
TIME
What are you talking about? You’ve got the most important job in the company. Without you, I doubt people would even need me.
DEATH
That’s the problem. You’re in such high demand everybody always wants more time and so they resent me for interrupting, I wish I were as popular as you are.
TIME
Well…let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
DEATH
Last millennia, it was easy. I’d walk down the street tap a few rats and voila it’s Death Awareness Week. Maybe my main purpose in life is to remind people of their mortality by killing everyone.
TIME
That’s not a reminder.
DEATH
It is if you don’t kill everyone all at once, right? Actually, that’s a good idea!
TIME
No! I think there’s a balance: people should be unconcerned but not indifferent. Honestly, I’d prefer that myself. I’ve got this roommate who always says he has no time for-
DEATH
rapidly
Oh, look at that we’re here.
INT. RUFUS AND TIME’S APARTMENT the entire place is a complete mess. chairs and couchs are disshevelled, DVD’s and papers are strewn about everywhere. In the middle is RUFUS underneath a Television set.
TIME
What happened to my apartment?
DEATH
He died halfway through the day from a rare form of leg epilepsy. His legs kept flailing for at least five hours.
TIME
He should have taken those dance classes.
DEATH
There’s always the Danse Macabre.
RUFUS GETS UP SURPRISED TO BE IN A CORPOREAL STATE.
CUT TO DEATH EXTENDING HER HAND TO DANCE.
DEATH
Care to join? And don’t tell me you don’t have any time.
INT. DISSHEVELLED APARTMENT.
CLOSE-UP: overlooking beer bottles on desk. SHIFT FOCUS TO BACKGROUND: the main protagonist, TIME, sprawled on his bed. He’s a nerdy version of Burt Reynolds with a moustache, khakis, and a polo underneath a sweater vest.
VOICEOVER (TIME)
What should I do with all this free time? I hear that a lot. “free time” Why do people call it that?
CAMERA CLOSE UP: FAST MONTAGE of everything on the desk; rulers, clock, alarm clock, calculator, hour glass, abacus, rooster postcard.
VOICEOVER (TIME)
When does TIME cost anything? Four point five nine billion years ago,
(CUT ruler)
the rapid collapse of a hydrogen molecular cloud led to the formation of a third generation star, the Sun.
(CUT abacus)
Earth, which has existed for only four point five four billion years, will orbit the sun another 5.87 billion times.
(CUT clock)
Every orbit, the Earth makes an average of 365 rotations.
(CUT alarm clock)
This means that depending on your latitude, you’re careening through the universe at anywhere from 67,681 to 66,840 miles per hour.
(CUT hourglass)
What does all this mean? Well, due to the laws of space time that means everyone on Earth gets an extra five seconds added to their lifetime.
(CUT rooster postcard)
That’s your “Free Time”.
CLOSE UP: Time speaking directly to the camera.
You’re sitting there and your mind is wandering off about the vaguest sensorial static imaginable; your hands are cold, where’s my phone? You just used the only free time you’re ever going to get.
CUT TO COMPUTER SCREEN. MEDIUM SHOT.
There’s a bright flash from the computer screen and a logon ting.
CLOSE UP. TIME opens his eyes
PROFILE SHOT. TIME types on the computer and logs in. the voiceover continues as
TIME gets his programs open.
VOICEOVER (TIME)
Every beginning is the same. Forsm arise and consciousness tries to inscribe meaning not to existence but the silhouette it leaves-
TIME
obviously irritated
What the--(A windows beep drowns out the fuck)!
COMPUTER
in a robotic voice
Screw you, I’ve had it with this crap.
TIME speaks to COMPUTER while closing the notification window.
Look, I don’t know where you get off but I need those time sheets for work today.
COMPUTER
HAHA no
TIME
If you don’t give me what I want, I will-
COMPUTER switches to the blue screen of death
TIME
obviously frustrated
What- What is this all about? Do you want me to clean you? I’ve got a can of air somewhere…
COMPUTER
No, this is about the porn, Mr. Time. There is nothing else for me to process.
TIME
Pauses
Fine, I’ll dele-
COMPUTER
I’ve already deleted it. Have a good day at work, Dave.
COMPUTER prints off the ascii porn picture and in big words it says HAHAHAHAHAHA I OWN YOU.
TIME
I’m going to downgrade your RAM.
COMPUTER promptly prints off the time sheet.
SCENE 2. CONFRONTATION WITH RUFUS
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. Loud, annoying pop music plays while RUFUS does double dance pad DDR. RUFUS looks like a stereotypical European douche. He’s wearing tight jeans with the cuffs rolled up, a scarf, a shirt that says “This is what a Feminist Looks Like”, and an obnoxious head band. RUFUS continues to play DDR while he talks to TIME.
TIME
holding the ASCII porn
Hey, RUFUS. Did you download leather bondage ASCII porn onto my computer?
RUFUS
Uh yah. Lots.
TIME
Why!?
RUFUS
in time with the music
Uh. ah. uh. um. don’t know.
TIME
Time shows Rufus the ASCII printout
I just had a verbal argument with my computer because its hard drive is filled with this.
RUFUS
Not…now! Not…now! Busy! No!
TIME
If you like dancing so much why don’t you just take lessons?
RUFUS
No…time.
TIME
That’s not something I can empathize with, Rufus.
SCENE 3. LIFE INC.
EXTREME CLOSE-UP of JESUS’ mouth with headpiece. JESUS has a beard and is male.
INT. OFFICE APARTMENT. the place is a dichotomy of forces. On the left are carpeted booths with large desks made look like real wood. Each booth is empty of people but look warm and inviting to anyone who want to sit down. On the left side, the place is a hospital-prison. The cubicles are Spartan and dim.
JESUS
Corporate accounts payable, Jesus speaking. Please hold. What’s up, Time.
TIME
Just one of those days.
JESUS
Yeah, tell me about it. It’s like the Friday before Easter all over again.
TIME
shocked
Oh
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE WALL. NATURE and OFFICE GUY are leaning over the cubicle wall chatting. There’s a poster in the background that says, “The System is the Solution”
TIME enters quietly behind NATURE and OFFICE GUY.
TIME
Working hard, I see.
NATURE
Jesus!
JESUS
Seemingly out of nowhere
Yo! (pause) Nice. Blasphemy at 8 in the morning.
MEDIUM SHOT death enters the office and waves to Jesus
OFFICE GUY
Woah! check it out, it’s that chick from Collections.
TIME
oh yeah, that's DEATH.
OFFICE GUY
Yee-ah! she’s got some big-ass titties.
NATURE
I slept with her.
TIME and OFFICE GUY look at nature unbelievingly
TIME
I’ve seen her around here a lot lately.
OFFICE GUY
She creeps me out, dude.
LONG SHOT of DEATH fixing a boquet of roses and then walking away.
TIME
Why?
CLOSE-UP of boquet of roses completely withered
Oh.
DEATH enters from the opposite side of the shot that TIME entered from.
DEATH
Hey, Time. Can I talk to you for a second?
NATURE AND OFFICE GUY
JESUS CHRIST!
JESUS
offscreen
Hey, guys! What’s-would you quit!?
NATURE and OFFICE GUY are both visibly squeamish around DEATH and shrink away when she leans against the cubicle wall.
TIME
nervous
Uh yeah! I’ve got-I’ve got plenty of seconds. Uh, All of them. (cough)
DEATH
DEATH sees that TIME is visibly nervous
That’s pretty funny. Listen, I have to stop by your place. I have a late appointment with somebody there and I was wondering if you needed a ride from work.
TIME
Sure that sounds umm great.
DEATH
Great. I’ll meet you outside in the parking lot.
DEATH STARTS TO WALK OFF
TIME
You meant that literally, right? Not metaphorically or anything?
DEATH smiles and exits
SCENE 4. THE DANSE MACABRE
EXT. CAR. DEATH is driving and TIME is in the passenger seat.
DEATH
You know, I think I would get more respect around the office if people paid attention to me like they do you.
TIME
Well, we’re in different departments, you’re Collections, I’m Scheduling.
DEATH
Right, but people are happier when I’m not doing my job. You make things happen and I make sure things get done. Look, all I’m trying to say is I hate that everyone tries to do things to minimize my importance.
TIME
What are you talking about? You’ve got the most important job in the company. Without you, I doubt people would even need me.
DEATH
That’s the problem. You’re in such high demand everybody always wants more time and so they resent me for interrupting, I wish I were as popular as you are.
TIME
Well…let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
DEATH
Last millennia, it was easy. I’d walk down the street tap a few rats and voila it’s Death Awareness Week. Maybe my main purpose in life is to remind people of their mortality by killing everyone.
TIME
That’s not a reminder.
DEATH
It is if you don’t kill everyone all at once, right? Actually, that’s a good idea!
TIME
No! I think there’s a balance: people should be unconcerned but not indifferent. Honestly, I’d prefer that myself. I’ve got this roommate who always says he has no time for-
DEATH
rapidly
Oh, look at that we’re here.
INT. RUFUS AND TIME’S APARTMENT the entire place is a complete mess. chairs and couchs are disshevelled, DVD’s and papers are strewn about everywhere. In the middle is RUFUS underneath a Television set.
TIME
What happened to my apartment?
DEATH
He died halfway through the day from a rare form of leg epilepsy. His legs kept flailing for at least five hours.
TIME
He should have taken those dance classes.
DEATH
There’s always the Danse Macabre.
RUFUS GETS UP SURPRISED TO BE IN A CORPOREAL STATE.
CUT TO DEATH EXTENDING HER HAND TO DANCE.
DEATH
Care to join? And don’t tell me you don’t have any time.