Stark 001 [video]

[coolexec]

[So Somarium, have a Tony who has taken his sweet time doing any sort of Dreamberry post, probably because of the flood and him having to spend so much time settling in prior to it. But anyway, he's got things he needs to ask that can't really be put on hold any longer.]

Okay people of Somarium, a few things:

Number one, where does a guy go to get a

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[chose_death]

[In a very prompt fashion, Tony will receive a call from a man called only Inspector Javert, according to the caller ID on his Dreamberry. This dark man has a humorless, almost Dickensian appearance, complete with large wolfish side-whiskers, a grand beaver hat and a cold, calm expression.

The man regards Tony Stark in a judging, haughty fashion, and speaks a very swift, abrupt answer:]

For the first, I imagine you must go to a proper tavern. But most men do not go only for the drink. What is it you want? Comaraderie? Wretched half-clothed girls, most of which I hope are of legal age?

As for the next, the clean-up officials from the floods will not miss the loss of their junk piles. Speak to the disposal site managers and negotiate a price. You will find one site in every district.

Now, what is it you want with a workshop?

[coolexec]

[Oh my god is this guy for real? He needs to think up a nickname for him although for now, Mutton Chops will most likely do until he's drunk because that's when he comes up with hisbest work.]

Let me assure you that I always check IDs and whilst youth is very hard to ignore, I prefer someone with a little more...experience. I'm used to more high end where a bottle of champagne costs about a year's salary for most people but I'll take what I can get here and the company I can get with it.

I was hoping for something a little more than just junk but there's that tired old chestnut [he pulls a pad of paper and a pen over with his free hand though, scribbling that down for future reference] and hey, I'll be happy to take anything off the hands of the officials in a time like this.

[Oh and now he must grin, leaning in close.]

That's for me to know and you to never find out. Top secret sort of work, very exclusive, very...sexy.

[chose_death]

Does sexy [and that grimacing French tongue of Javert's flips over that word as if he were handling horse manure] preclude legality? You must realize I don't care what it is you do. But make certain you are licensed for it.

[There is a measurable, calculating pause. It seems that Javert's first impression of this fellow is rather coarse, but he is not entirely certain what to make of this man yet.]

Don't think of the village taverns, then. Unless you want to leave with a thick crust of old vomit on the bottoms of your shoes. Miserable regulars out there! [His voice and expression are so straightforward and indifferent that it is difficult to say whether this police officer is mocking Tony lightly or not.] The shopping district boulevards are to your handsomer tastes.

[coolexec]

[That's a shame because you've definitely got some sexy going on if gruffness and mutton chops are attractive.] Despite anything people might have said about me and my reputation, I have no desire in being anything more than chivalrous to underage young ladies who would do well to steer clear of men like me once they're of age unless they want to have their reputation ruined.

[Fifty fifty as to whether or not he's joking about that.]

Yeah, my shoes are fairly high end. If there's going to be vomit on them, it's at least going to be my vomit. I have nothing against regulars, I like a little variety and colour in my drinking environments.

[Besides, who can't resist catching some good ole fashioned fisticuffs and someone getting the bum's rush?]

[chose_death]

[Javert rolls his eyes, lips twisting up at the corner in a fleeting smirk. Perhaps he does have a sense of humor, if a stone-cold and haughty one.] I meant the business of your workshop. What it is you intend to make must be properly licensed and inspected. I do not tolerate criminal dream laboratories or devices well under my watch.

[He snorts.]

I will say it again: the shopping district boulevards are a good match, Monsieur. You will find your fair share of ingrates and creatures mixed with your lazy millionaires.

[coolexec]

[Without missing a beat, Tony replies.] Do we need permits for sonic deathrays? No, but it's more just a good computer set up, probably a place where I can put together a motorbike or a car - so much more satisfying when you fine tune some sweet thing yourself - robotic arm and fire extinguisher to help me with that. [He will not be saying that he actually needs something to get him in and out of his suit because he has no idea what that falls under and no thanks with regards to the inspections.]

If you speak the language of love and fashion [and because it'd be freaking hilarious in his mind already] perhaps you could escort me? [Just checking his called ID and...well, well, well.] Inspector.

[chose_death]

[Javert's eyes spark slightly at the sound of sonic death rays, but it is quickly replaced by a stiff-lipped poker face once more.]

Then you build automobiles. [It is probably somewhat surprising that he knows the term at all, considering how the good Inspector dresses. He murmurs more to his collar than to Tony Stark himself,] Private hobby? Or public business?

[His sharp, cold stare swivels back up from the floor to meet Tony's at that ludicrous suggestion. His sardonic laugh is mostly silent, with a sharp crackle like the blowing of autumn leaves.]

As tempting as your date may be -- [the Inspector does not sound tempted or amused at all] it is no stretch of that head of yours to see that I am a busy man. Not a social one. I will trust you are able to find a map on your own.

[coolexec]

Private hobby. My business here would be absolutely impossible and right now my assistant is running my company too and I really don't want a public business because rules, responsibilities, all that crap. I hate it.

[This is worse than Coulson. And that was pretty damn bad.]

All work and no play makes dull boys. You should also know that I find playing hard to get an irresistible challenge.

[chose_death]

You will have less red tape for a private hobby, [Javert murmurs in thought, his lips twisted in a small frown.

Without missing a beat after Tony's tease, he quips back dismissively,]

Indeed, so do many. My tricky wench of a wife included, if you take it up with her. Until they understand that it is not a game. I am just as dull as you think I am, you see.

[coolexec]

Good, Pepper isn't here and she's the one who gets to wade through the bureaucracy for me.

[Oh ho, what's this? A wife? It is now his duty to meet her and utterly charm her, it's the gentlemanly thing to do Inspector, you must understand.]

Married? Are you going to tell me about her? Or do I have to imagine her and hope my mental image does her justice. [Don't ask about the mental image, she looks like you just with breasts and glossier mutton chops.] But if you're an inspector, you have to have stories and some people like the steely gaze and stiff upper lip of law enforcement.

[chose_death]

Oh, yes, [Javert rolls his eyes.] You have convinced me of my sex appeal. I shall have to go with you to the nearest bar and seduce every eligible creature with my most improper police tales. Sure that will draw in plenty of shriveled widows and homosexuals in hiding.

[Though what he will not admit to this Tony Stark is that his storytelling, when it does occur, entertains his wife quite well. An interesting, mysterious, tight-lipped, but deeply dramatic man such as Javert is positively brimming with stories.

He touches a hand to his hat brim, readjusting its firm fit around his skull. He raises his chin with confidence and authority.]

Now if that will be all, I have work to tend. And by the way--

Imagine away. I don't care how you picture my wife. But I tell you, your image of her would do her a disservice.

[coolexec]

[If Tony looks like the cat that got the cream, then that's because he feels that way right about now.]

Are they tales of intrigue and corruption and strong-arming dangerous suspects as you apprehend them and deliver them into the steely arms of justice.

[Well Tony's just going to have to liquor him up then.]

You have no idea what my image of your wife is.

1/2

[chose_death]

[Javert makes a strange tsking sound akin to clicking his sharp tongue. A distracted, distant frown reemerges, twisting his lined face in an unapproachable manner. It is as if he is thinking about one instance in particular, his mind wandering into darker territory...] Criminals are much more predictable creatures. Intrigue and corruption is a fantasy. For the most part.

2/2

[chose_death]

[Javert quickly returns to himself, his eyebrow arched high. He allows himself a twitch at the corner of his mouth, a brief tic resembling a wry smirk.]

I don't need to know it.

[He adds dismissively and carelessly, unconcerned with whether Tony Stark understands his intent or not,]

If you happen across any large, strong apes in white shrouds on your bar-hunt, tell them Inspector Javert sends his regards. Farewell until you have want of the police, Monsieur Stark.

[Click.]

[coolexec]

[Tony's mouth pulls into wry grin; he knows about corruption, sitting around and ignoring his company until the corruption blew up right in his face. Literally.

Tony would like to add more but he's been hung up on so instead, there will be texts at a later date. Mostly drinking invitations. Asking about apes. And then whales (he read Moby Dick - big white ape, big white whale, same difference.

He may or may not ask for a police escort one day too.]