To whom it may concern.....
I write this letter with tear filled eyes on a morning I wish never happend. Apparently I am too selfish and dissapoint you too much and for that I am sorry. But apologies don't matter do they? No, not to you and ecspecially not from me. I am tired of living this way, of being woken up at 4:30 in the morning to be called a failure, a selfish failure at that. How am I selfish? Is taking mike out with me and buying him food when he is hungry, a ticket to a concert, driving him to hockey selfish behavior? apparently it must be according you cuz i am a selfish failure.
You make me want to kill myself. and kill myself for all the right reasons, not b/c my life is soo hard and i can't take the pain. I would do it to stop causing pain, I keep you up at night worried and praying that I'll be ok, If i am not around will you get some sleep then? I am a disappointment that reaches for expectaions but falls on his face every time, maybe if i was dead then you would have no expectaions, and i wouldn't dissapoint you anymore.
My whole life everything I have ever done it was never enough, there was ALWAYS someone else who did it better, my congradulations would always be second to criticism. I am tired of that, I just want to know that I am appreciated, but I never was, was I? No matter what I did, I quit hockey for music, cuz I wanted to do that but since it was against your will you couldn't even come out to any concerts we did. I was always a step behind my brother and you showed it. you would buy him the world but couldn't spare 20 bucks on what i was interested in. I am this way because for all the right I do in my life I am known for the worst. All I ever wanted was a "good job son" a feeling that I belonged somewhere but the only attention i ever got was when I did something wrong. Never once did "I'm proud of you" come from your mouth to my ears it was always "why couodn't you do better?"
I can't think of a time when You made me feel like I was a good kid.
we are all put in this world for a reason, but what is mine? I look around and I see goals and hopes being acheived, I look inward and goals and hopes are always out of reach. B/c you made me feel like my goals were never enough, that my hopes and expectation were too low. now the bar is soo high that I can't see it, I am reaching blindly for something that could be anywhere.
And I am writing to let you know that right now at this second in time I am wishing for a disaster to strike, that I am praying I don't see the sunrise ever again.
Love always
Andrew.
You make me want to kill myself. and kill myself for all the right reasons, not b/c my life is soo hard and i can't take the pain. I would do it to stop causing pain, I keep you up at night worried and praying that I'll be ok, If i am not around will you get some sleep then? I am a disappointment that reaches for expectaions but falls on his face every time, maybe if i was dead then you would have no expectaions, and i wouldn't dissapoint you anymore.
My whole life everything I have ever done it was never enough, there was ALWAYS someone else who did it better, my congradulations would always be second to criticism. I am tired of that, I just want to know that I am appreciated, but I never was, was I? No matter what I did, I quit hockey for music, cuz I wanted to do that but since it was against your will you couldn't even come out to any concerts we did. I was always a step behind my brother and you showed it. you would buy him the world but couldn't spare 20 bucks on what i was interested in. I am this way because for all the right I do in my life I am known for the worst. All I ever wanted was a "good job son" a feeling that I belonged somewhere but the only attention i ever got was when I did something wrong. Never once did "I'm proud of you" come from your mouth to my ears it was always "why couodn't you do better?"
I can't think of a time when You made me feel like I was a good kid.
we are all put in this world for a reason, but what is mine? I look around and I see goals and hopes being acheived, I look inward and goals and hopes are always out of reach. B/c you made me feel like my goals were never enough, that my hopes and expectation were too low. now the bar is soo high that I can't see it, I am reaching blindly for something that could be anywhere.
And I am writing to let you know that right now at this second in time I am wishing for a disaster to strike, that I am praying I don't see the sunrise ever again.
Love always
Andrew.