last post for a while. I'm tired of fighting... and I'm tired of never winning and always losing
First off Blue October's new Single is X-amount of words!! I am so pissed about this. I can't even stand listening to into the ocean now. Sigh. Hopefully everyone will hate it but they will make an awesome video for it.
Second: I am so ready to just give up. What the fuck is the point of even trying if it is never going to make a difference. What's the point of caring when no one else does? There is no point. I'm done with this life. Someone else take it cuz I don't want it anymore.
I cannot even function as a human in society anymore. I can't be around people without getting jealous, upset, or sad. I wish that suicide was for sure. I wish that there was an easy way out. But there isn't.
I feel so empty of life and happiness, it feels like i'm walking around in some sort of hollow shell of a person.
I wish you could understand what it is like to be me for a day. And I understand why no one wants to be around me. I understand because I don't like being around people who are in a bad mood or down because they just bring me down with them. And my highs are very limited so when I have them I need them.
BUt I'd rather someone just tell me the truth, than try to discreetly convince me to not hangout. I'm not stupid. I don't want to push people away but people make me depressed so what else am I supposed to do? Either way I'm not going to be happy so to make everyone else happy I just won't be around anymore. It's okay I care but I don't care at the same time. I've come to accept and I am trying to not let it hurt me that no one wants to be around me. I get it. It's okay.
I am SOOOOO exhausted of these tears, and the pain, and the uncontrollable emotions. It's the same thing everyday. Every FUCKING day! And my resources of escaping are so limited because those things don't even make me happy anymore... like friends and drugs. (But that doesn't mean that I have turned my back on either of the two.) I don't have anything to make it better. And it is just so freaking old now. It's the same shit all the time, and I can't take it.
I'd rather live my days fucked up in hazes all the time then feel like this everyday. At least then I had a way to escape. I need something so bad to just help a little. Music is wearing off too.
So give me anything, as long as it takes me away from this. I just need something.
Second: I am so ready to just give up. What the fuck is the point of even trying if it is never going to make a difference. What's the point of caring when no one else does? There is no point. I'm done with this life. Someone else take it cuz I don't want it anymore.
I cannot even function as a human in society anymore. I can't be around people without getting jealous, upset, or sad. I wish that suicide was for sure. I wish that there was an easy way out. But there isn't.
I feel so empty of life and happiness, it feels like i'm walking around in some sort of hollow shell of a person.
I wish you could understand what it is like to be me for a day. And I understand why no one wants to be around me. I understand because I don't like being around people who are in a bad mood or down because they just bring me down with them. And my highs are very limited so when I have them I need them.
BUt I'd rather someone just tell me the truth, than try to discreetly convince me to not hangout. I'm not stupid. I don't want to push people away but people make me depressed so what else am I supposed to do? Either way I'm not going to be happy so to make everyone else happy I just won't be around anymore. It's okay I care but I don't care at the same time. I've come to accept and I am trying to not let it hurt me that no one wants to be around me. I get it. It's okay.
I am SOOOOO exhausted of these tears, and the pain, and the uncontrollable emotions. It's the same thing everyday. Every FUCKING day! And my resources of escaping are so limited because those things don't even make me happy anymore... like friends and drugs. (But that doesn't mean that I have turned my back on either of the two.) I don't have anything to make it better. And it is just so freaking old now. It's the same shit all the time, and I can't take it.
I'd rather live my days fucked up in hazes all the time then feel like this everyday. At least then I had a way to escape. I need something so bad to just help a little. Music is wearing off too.
So give me anything, as long as it takes me away from this. I just need something.