stella by starlight...good or bad? you decide!
so i'm definitely distraught over a few things...i've been praying non-stop for the last week about something and its really really really really as clear as mud...why am i such an angry person...no one every really wants to be around me...i'm always 'in a bad mood'...or i need to 'cheer up'...weddings piss me off...they're depressing...i cant stand them...being married was a huge thing for me up until about a few weeks ago...somewhere around the time when i realized that you never find yourself where you wanted to be at a certain point in your life...i dont want to be in school right now...i dont want to be single...but i messed up big time with the whole 'relationship' thing...i'm not even going to get into that mess...so i've realized that being married is way farther off than i expected it to be...and i'm happy that it is...screw girls...haha...they're too much to deal with...especially the ones who you really want to be with, but there's no chance...i havent really felt this way in a long time...its been a while since a girl that i really wanted to be with doesnt give a flyin' frogs behind what her and i are...its very humbling...and before anyone assumes that its allison, its not...i'll kill the next person that talks to me about allison...and its not about heidi...its not about dallas...its not about anyone...i just have feelings that dont matter to anyone but me...and no one else really knows about them...so i'm not gonna explain them now...
i'm writing a new song called 'stella by starlight'...cool title huh?...yeah thats all i've got for now...well, i've got a few good lines worked out, but yeah...thats about it...its gonna be a piano song though, when its finished...i've decided...
its been a while since i've written this much on here...i really just want to punch the computer screen and hop on the next flight to oregon...i just want to leave...i am so sick of iowa...i'm sick of being reminded that i screwed up alot last year...i'm sick of ex-girlfriends, i'm sick of the band going no where...i'm sick of sucking at life...haha...but yeah...with school starting and starting a new job, i think it will be the perfect excuse to drop off the face of the planet...then i wont have to deal with any of those things, because i'll be too busy trying to fix all the mistakes i made last year...have any of you ever wanted to go back and fix something so bad that it makes you sick, and keeps you up at night...but the reason you want to go back and fix it isnt typical of your character...the reason that you want to fix it is completely benevolent...?...just wondering...please...if you're a praying individual...pray for my sanity...and that i'll be able to stand myself...for some reason i'm very unhappy with myself right now for alot of reasons...and i just want to give up...but i cant...so pray that God will emotionally smack me around a little bit and help me get my head on straight...
so i think you, my dear livejournal, are the only person i'm going to keep in contact with for the next few weeks...or not...it depends...
oh yeah...i get to go see dierks bentley tomorrow at the fair...woooooooo...i'm excited...really...i'm a closet country fan!...yeah thats right i said it!...have a goodnight LJ...
i'm writing a new song called 'stella by starlight'...cool title huh?...yeah thats all i've got for now...well, i've got a few good lines worked out, but yeah...thats about it...its gonna be a piano song though, when its finished...i've decided...
its been a while since i've written this much on here...i really just want to punch the computer screen and hop on the next flight to oregon...i just want to leave...i am so sick of iowa...i'm sick of being reminded that i screwed up alot last year...i'm sick of ex-girlfriends, i'm sick of the band going no where...i'm sick of sucking at life...haha...but yeah...with school starting and starting a new job, i think it will be the perfect excuse to drop off the face of the planet...then i wont have to deal with any of those things, because i'll be too busy trying to fix all the mistakes i made last year...have any of you ever wanted to go back and fix something so bad that it makes you sick, and keeps you up at night...but the reason you want to go back and fix it isnt typical of your character...the reason that you want to fix it is completely benevolent...?...just wondering...please...if you're a praying individual...pray for my sanity...and that i'll be able to stand myself...for some reason i'm very unhappy with myself right now for alot of reasons...and i just want to give up...but i cant...so pray that God will emotionally smack me around a little bit and help me get my head on straight...
so i think you, my dear livejournal, are the only person i'm going to keep in contact with for the next few weeks...or not...it depends...
oh yeah...i get to go see dierks bentley tomorrow at the fair...woooooooo...i'm excited...really...i'm a closet country fan!...yeah thats right i said it!...have a goodnight LJ...