This Love [Kichul]
Title: This Love [Oneshot]
Pairing: Kichul
Fandom: Super Junior
Rating: PG - nothing too extreme
Summary: I never thought it would hurt this much. I knew it would hurt, but this isn’t pain…it feels like death… When I’m not with him, I’m dead…
Song: This Love by the Veronicas
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I cling to the bed sheets, holding in the tears. My head is cast down, staring at the floor with misty eyes. They want so much to cry but I let none fall. I shake slightly; tremors of sadness…
I hated leaving. Even if it only for a month.
“Only a month,” He said to me, “Just a month until we are together again.”
I feel so weak. I can’t even last a month without him. It has only been a week, but it feels like a lifetime. I need to be with him, see him, feel him, hear him…
His voice echoes in my mind, rebounding off the hollowed walls of my chest. I need to hear it, for it to fill up the hollowness inside.
I can see it in your eyes
Taste it in our first kiss
Stranger in this lonely town
Save me from my emptiness
It started so strangely, with a dare on a talk show. A fan asked for it, so we did. Whoever that was, I thank them so much. The kiss plagued my mind for weeks until it finally happened again, this time at our request.
It was all so simple back then. Everything seemed to just fall into place. Nothing was planned; we just went with the flow. The sneak glances, the secret meetings, the silent longing. It all felt right.
You took my hand
You told me it would be ok
I trusted you to hold my heart
Now fate is pulling me away, from you
I never knew how it felt to be happy, to be complete… to love. I loved everything about him, his deep thoughtful eyes, his cheeky smile, the way he laughed, the way he held me, the long nights, his bed-hair… I loved all of him.
I was on a high. Once I finally was able to tell him, I have never come down. Not until now, not until the tour pulled me away.
When I left, we couldn’t say goodbye. Not the way we wanted to. Not the way we should of. A simple wave as we boarded the slight wasn’t enough. It was diluted, so weak compared to the intense longing I hold for him…
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I’m not around
I won’t give in
I can’t give up
On this love
Leeteuk is calling for me at my door. I cringe and feel sick but hide it. I can’t tell them why I don’t want to go, so I lie.
“I can’t wait!” The lie had burned when I spoke it earlier. The others don’t know about us, we couldn’t tell them. They wouldn’t understand, they’d treat us differently. We aren’t different from what we used to be, we are just in love. If they knew they wouldn’t be forcing me on this…
You’ve become a piece of me
Makes me sick to even think
Of mornings waking up alone
Searching for you in my sheets
Don’t fade away
“Come on!” Eunhyuk beats at the door impatiently. I don’t move from the bed. I couldn’t move from the bed, knowing what was coming.
“Heechul!” Kangin bellowed through the door, snapping me from my daze. I glanced to the door, barely visible in the darkness. “Hurry up!”
“Coming,” I call back in a strained voice. I can’t keep them waiting any longer, they will get suspicious.
One night and this ridiculous torture will be over…
I grab a jacket and open the door. They all grin at me, thinking they are great friends in setting this up. They have no idea how much I hate this. They will never know how this will kill me even more.
Maybe if they did, this stupid date wouldn’t happen…
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I’m not around
I won’t give in
I can’t give up
On this love
“Heechul, meet Ae-cha,” I force a grin and look to the woman which I am supposed to drool over. If it wasn’t for him, I would be drooling. She was stunning. Long black hair, dark eyes, fair skin… she was beautiful.
And that killed me just that little bit more.
“Hi Heechul,” She says sweetly, a clear voice which sent a shiver up my spine.
“Hi,” I muttered back not looking at her. I couldn’t look at her, it made me sick. I found her attractive. For the first time since I fell in love, I had feelings for someone else.
It killed me even more inside…
The others left us alone. Silence. I couldn’t speak, I was numb. She took a step towards me. I stepped away.
“Heechul?” She asked. I could hear she was agitated. I bet she was angry because I wasn’t commenting on her obvious beauty. She looked like one of those girls.
I couldn’t face her anymore. I turned and walked away. She called out after me but I ignored it. Shindong rose from his seat as I passed but didn’t reach me in time before I slipped outside and disappeared into the night…
I can’t just close the door
On this love
I never felt anything like this before
Like this love
Tell me the truth no matter what we’re going through
Will you hold on too ‘cause
Walking alone along these streets finally gave me time to think. Of course my phone is ringing in my pocket, obviously my anxious friends trying to find me. I resisted the urge to answer it and tell them to stop calling but I knew if I said ‘I’m fine’ once more when I wasn’t, I’d snap. A dark alleyway in a foreign town isn't the best place to snap either.
Unconsciously I had found my way to the hotel. I stood across the road wary to approach it. I had the brains to figure out that the others would be waiting for me in there.
Should I go in? If I do they will bombard me with questions I can’t answer and I’ll be forced to lie. I can’t stomach any more lies. I have to go in there eventually, so staying here is just prolonging the torture.
I took a deep breath while looking at the ground, convincing myself to move.
I heard someone approaching.
I straightened up and prepared to cross the road to make way for the person to pass. I was about to step off the path when the mystical voice which I longed for spoke.
“Hey there, stranger.” I turned to the voice.
My jaw dropped.
My eyes widened.
It’s HIM…
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I’m not around
I won’t give in
I can’t give up
On this love
I choked on a gasp.
My heart skipped a beat.
Tears formed in my eyes… Happy tears… I didn’t bother holding these ones in. I bolted towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn’t give him a chance to speak again as I pressed my lips on his. As our tongues met again I felt his grip on my waist. His touch still sent excited shivers up my spine.
We held each other so tightly I’m amazed we don’t have broken ribs. His lips were ecstasy, sending me on a high. I felt like I was floating. I ran my fingers through his hair and held his head closer. For what felt like a lifetime we kissed; a true, passionate kiss which we longed for.
When our lips parted I looked deeply into the dark brown eyes which I fell in love with. I didn’t dare move away from his grip, frightened I’d wake up from this dream. His gentle touch brushed my hair from my face and held my cheek. I nuzzled into it, closing my eyes just to enjoy the moment.
“Miss me?”
“Do you even have to ask?” I grinned and opened my eyes again. I glanced slightly past him and winced. The others were watching us. They had seen it all. Our secret love was out. He traced my stare and swore when he saw it too.
“I don’t care if they are watching,” I concluded out loud. A small grin etched onto his serene face. “I’m not letting you out my grip ever again,”
“That might be awkward,” He joked but I felt relief in his gaze. I muttered one last statement before pulling him into another kiss;
“I love you, Kibum…”
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I’m not around
I won’t give in
I can’t give up
I won’t give in
I can’t give up
On this love