Ugh.
This sucks. It is hard for me to go to work, and smile, and laugh when a memeber makes a joke. It is hard for me to talk to people when all I want to do is sleep all day and not see anyone, talk to anyone, not be social at all. It is the hardest thing; getting up in the morning, coming here, being forced to do this, all the while being on the verge of tears. And I fucked up, again. And I hate this situation. I'm not going to explain anything, because it isn't as bad as it seems. I can't take this shit anymore and I am refusing to take medicine. Fuck that shit. I need to get over this shit MYSELF. Or else I will never overcome it.
I know it will blow over. It always does. I don't care, one less person in my life, no big deal. He wasn't anything important anyways. We barely knew each other. I tried way harder than I should have. It isn't a big loss.
Because, when I am done, I am leaving. I am not coming back here. I can't handle it. I guess I'm not as strong as you think. Because I don't want to wake up anymore knowing I have to deal with these people. It is all bullshit. Running away from shit? Fine, you can say that. But I am moving on. It will never stop. I'm making a fucking change.
I know it will blow over. It always does. I don't care, one less person in my life, no big deal. He wasn't anything important anyways. We barely knew each other. I tried way harder than I should have. It isn't a big loss.
Because, when I am done, I am leaving. I am not coming back here. I can't handle it. I guess I'm not as strong as you think. Because I don't want to wake up anymore knowing I have to deal with these people. It is all bullshit. Running away from shit? Fine, you can say that. But I am moving on. It will never stop. I'm making a fucking change.