Wasurenaide (Don’t Forget)
Pairings: OT5, Gen
Rating: PG for language probably
Genre: Friendship, AU, Angst
Warnings: Be prepared for mediocre writing. lol and major angst
Word Count: 2125 (Gosh I'm so proud of myself. Finally a oneshot over 2000!)
Author's Note: None for now. Read on if you like. haha by the way this is a separate one-shot from Aitakute, they are in no way related, though there might be some similarities;)
People say that memories make up a person’s character. How they think, how they speak, how they act, how they react. All defined by past experiences. Changmin thinks that it may very well be true.
Changmin has no recollection of anything of his life when he wakes up in a white room filled with queer instruments and persistent, calm beeping. The beeping becomes not so persistent and calm when Changmin realizes he cannot remember his name.
Apparently a man decided that it would be fun to go for a drive after drowning his stomach with various concoctions of alcohol. Speeding on the highway at ridiculous speeds, the man had crashed into Changmin’s car, out of all the other cars he could have crashed into. Changmin had been going home after Yunho’s birthday party.
As Junsu fills Changmin in on his life before the car accident, (“ALL the dirty details!” Junsu smirks), Changmin wonders how he is supposed to accept the deaths of his parents, who were unlucky enough to be in the vehicle at the time of the accident, both whom Changmin knows nothing about in his current state. He tries to soothe his very unsettled sister, brushing her hair softly as she sobs beside his hospital bed. The attempt is fruitless. Changmin’s sister sobs harder when he asks for her name.
The second day Changmin wakes from his month-long slumber (“You were in a coma,” Yunho had explained to him reassuringly), he decides that from now on he would be called “Max” instead. No point in living a life he himself does not understand, he thinks to himself. A week later he is discharged from the hospital. He inquires if he will go back to his apartment. He is met with four stares. Jaejoong brings him to a dorm. “We can’t leave you alone, not with your parents gone,” Jaejoong explains to Max that the five of them will be living together. Max mutters a quiet thanks. Jaejoong’s eyes wet at his blunt politeness.
(“Where has our sarcastic Minnie gone?” Junsu opens his mouth to ask, only to be quickly shut up by Yoochun)
Max’s recurring flashbacks are put on the backburner as he indulges himself in school work and university lectures. Although he inherits a handsome amount of money from his parents, Max busies himself by getting a part-time job at the 24-hour café near the dorm. The scarce remaining downtime that Max has are occupied by his four roommates, who insist on doing something whenever, whatever.
His everyday routine: Eat. Sleep. Study. Café. Going out to somewhere with the other four. Nothing more, nothing less.
Occasionally Max gets headaches, but he shakes his head and puts it out of his mind when he gets them, determined not to think about it. Sometimes he thinks Yoochun knows, but he always manages to change the subject before Yoochun can open his mouth to inquire.
The only time that Max ever thinks about his parents, the car accident and his past is when his relatives stop by to give their obligated condolences. “What a waste,” they always say. “Such a tragic accident, but luckily you survived!” They tell Max.
Max does not know whether it is better to die than to live like an empty shell, uncertain of the future, unsure of what he should be doing in the long journey that awaits him ahead.
Junsu brings a sullen Max out to a game arcade after they finally succeed in ushering all the relatives out from the dorm in an attempt to cheer him up.
“You used to go here all the time when you were angry or upset, you know, every time we couldn’t reach you on your phone we knew that you would be here.” Junsu tells Max as they walk past the air hockey machines.
“Really? I had a feeling I would like this place just now.”
“Yeah, sometimes we would find you shooting madly over there at the basketball machines, sometimes we would find you at the coin dozers. One time we even caught you at the photo sticker booth taking pictures by yourself!”
Max laughs at this. “I sound ridiculous.”
“Yes, you were! But every time after you came here you would become much happier, so I thought I would bring you back here. What do you want to play first? I’m itching to go to the basketball machines!!!”
“Alright, duckbutt. I’m sure I haven’t lost my awesome shooting skills yet!”
“Hey!”
Yoochun decides to visit Max during his graveyard shift at the café one day. He finds Max sitting at the register reading a book, having no customers at this hour in the dead of the night. After some (easy) negotiation with the female café owner, Yoochun sits Max down across one of the empty booths, a cup of lukewarm coffee sitting precariously on the table, the cup chipped and worn.
“How are you doing, Max?”
“I’m quite fine, Yoochun. But I certainly won’t be when you leave, because I am quite sure that Taeyeon will be badgering me for your number the second you step out from this place.” Max states a-matter-of-factly, displeased that his reading time had been disturbed.
“No, Max, how is your head doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, all the headaches you have been having, Changmin, “ (Max cringes) “And don’t give me that look. Don’t lie to me and deny it, I’ve known you since you were in diapers so obviously I can read your face as easily as my brother’s. Do they have to do with the car accident and, subsequently your memory loss three months ago?”
Max sighs, “I knew you would find out eventually. Do the others know yet?” He takes a sip of the coffee and finds himself frowning at the taste. He will have to ask Taeyeon to switch to another type of coffee beans. It tasted bad even for his liking, and he was not a picky drinker.
“No, but they will if you don’t tell me what’s wrong Right. Now.” Yoochun points to his phone to emphasize his point.
“… I have been having flashbacks two weeks after we moved into the dorm. The headaches didn’t come until probably a month ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell us? You know we would be more than willing to help out, maybe at least find you a doctor or something!”
“The flashbacks are getting clearer and clearer! I think I could even make out the people and what was happening in the flashback! I thought I could wait for a little more until I can make sense of my past life-“
“Until what? Until you announce to us one morning that you can remember everything? Don’t give me that bullshit! Changmin, we are worried about you, and you need to know that we all care about you very, very much. Headaches that hurt definitely need attending to, alright? Maybe the doctor can help you ease the pain!”
“You don’t even know how it feels! You don’t even know how it feels like to wake up one day and not know anything about yourself and everything around you! Do you know how guilty it makes me to have to mourn for the loss of my parents, yet I don’t even know a thing about them? Heck, I don’t even know how they look like! What about my sister? I can’t even support my sister when she needs me the most…”
The façade that is “Max” has crumbled down like tower walls. All along Changmin has tried to delude himself into thinking that nothing has ever happened, but something has definitely happened. The car accident had happened, and it had robbed him of his family, his memories, his life and everything that had caused him to exist as a being. All hopes that he could start afresh as “Max” has disillusioned, and so easy it was, all it took was a midnight visit by the friend who saw through his façade.
Yoochun leads a silent Changmin back home that night, making sure to promise Taeyeon they will make up for his early leave later.
Yoochun carries an asleep Changmin into the dorm, finding that the other four have stayed up all night waiting for their return. Maybe it is brothers’ instinct, because everyone knows that something has happened. Jaejoong gives Yoochun a questioning look, inaudible questions on his lips, but Yoochun’s tired expression tells them all that they will have to wait for explanations the next morning.
Changmin’s dreams are plagued with flashes of his past.
Yoochun pushing him on a swing when they were four years old.
Football tryouts with Junsu in middle school.
Baking a surprise birthday cake for his sister with Jaejoong in a flour-dusted kitchen.
The balloons bumping against the ceiling as they sang the birthday song to Yunho, all attempts at harmonization failed.
His parents cheering for him at his first sports meet at elementary school on the sidelines, Yoochun running with him in his first 50 metre race. They were running, running nonstop and the finishing line is nowhere in sight. Changmin panics and he turns around to ask Yoochun what is going on, only to find that his friend is shimmering into bits and pieces of gold dust.
Changmin wakes. Beads of perspiration have accumulated at the sides of his forehead. His hair is damp with sweat. A very concerned-looking Jaejoong is sitting beside his bed. He notices that Jaejoong is holding his hand. He does not shy away from the touch. Instead he asks for water. Jaejoong gladly obliges, leaving the room to fetch his water. Changmin notices the cold air that immediately replaces the previous warm touch.
The next week passes in a blur. Each day passes uneventfully, a carbon copy of each other. Changmin confines back to his daily routine. Eat. Sleep. Study. Café. Taeyeon asks if he is alright one day concernedly, but he smiles and assures that nothing has happened.
The other four tries and promptly fails to pretend that that night had never happened. The worrying glances they direct toward him when they think he is not looking give it all away. Changmin tries to persuade a perturbed Yunho that he is alright, no he will not suddenly have a meltdown and yes he can control his emotions very well, thank you. Yunho does not look at all convinced, but he lets the matter drop for now.
All the while Changmin’s memories are starting to resurface. He cannot remember anything from high school onwards yet, but Yoochun is glad to confirm that their elementary school escapades were indeed true, much to Changmin’s horror. Slowly the dark abyss that is his past starts to lighten.
They go out to exquisite Korean barbeque restaurant on a Friday evening to celebrate Jaejoong’s win in the university composing contest. Changmin congratulates Jaejoong wholeheartedly while listening to the winning song “Wasurenaide”, and is pleasantly surprised that Jaejoong actually knows Japanese.
“He went to learn the language on a whim,” Yunho explains, “and he hasn’t even been to the country once! I was very surprised he managed to stick through with the lessons. Junsu dropped out after two.”
They slide into a booth (“We always sit here every time we come!” Junsu says excitedly) and the other four gets their usual order. Changmin contemplates on what to get, having no recollection of what he would get before, and finally decides to get some of everything.
“You know you would do this too, before you know, the car accident,” Yoochun tells Changmin while fiddling with the barbeque stove. “You used to order everything too,” he adds when Changmin responds with blank confusion written on his face.
“I guess my stomach hasn’t changed.” Changmin says between bites of beef. The others chuckle mildly in response.
A year has passed. Changmin finds that he no longer cares about time. Time means nothing when you have nothing to look forward to, no dreams to pursue, and no goals to achieve. Changmin does not even know what he wants for himself. The things that defined him, made him dream and set goals to achieve the things he wants are a dull eternity away.
Yunho tells him it’s alright. “It’s alright to be unsure, Changmin. It’s okay. You’ve got us, and that’s all you need.”
Changmin believes in Yunho. He wills himself to believe that everything will be okay, not now, not tomorrow. But one day, he will remember everything. He knows it. And for the meantime, he will live every day as fully as possible.
Daily routine: Eat. Sleep. Study. Café. Game arcade.
Jaejoong. Junsu. Yunho. Yoochun.
Author's Note: This was written on a whim after listening to Coldplay's Fix you. Angst overload;__; Stuff's been happening to my life lately that's why. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are highly welcome!!
Rating: PG for language probably
Genre: Friendship, AU, Angst
Warnings: Be prepared for mediocre writing. lol and major angst
Word Count: 2125 (Gosh I'm so proud of myself. Finally a oneshot over 2000!)
Author's Note: None for now. Read on if you like. haha by the way this is a separate one-shot from Aitakute, they are in no way related, though there might be some similarities;)
People say that memories make up a person’s character. How they think, how they speak, how they act, how they react. All defined by past experiences. Changmin thinks that it may very well be true.
Changmin has no recollection of anything of his life when he wakes up in a white room filled with queer instruments and persistent, calm beeping. The beeping becomes not so persistent and calm when Changmin realizes he cannot remember his name.
Apparently a man decided that it would be fun to go for a drive after drowning his stomach with various concoctions of alcohol. Speeding on the highway at ridiculous speeds, the man had crashed into Changmin’s car, out of all the other cars he could have crashed into. Changmin had been going home after Yunho’s birthday party.
As Junsu fills Changmin in on his life before the car accident, (“ALL the dirty details!” Junsu smirks), Changmin wonders how he is supposed to accept the deaths of his parents, who were unlucky enough to be in the vehicle at the time of the accident, both whom Changmin knows nothing about in his current state. He tries to soothe his very unsettled sister, brushing her hair softly as she sobs beside his hospital bed. The attempt is fruitless. Changmin’s sister sobs harder when he asks for her name.
The second day Changmin wakes from his month-long slumber (“You were in a coma,” Yunho had explained to him reassuringly), he decides that from now on he would be called “Max” instead. No point in living a life he himself does not understand, he thinks to himself. A week later he is discharged from the hospital. He inquires if he will go back to his apartment. He is met with four stares. Jaejoong brings him to a dorm. “We can’t leave you alone, not with your parents gone,” Jaejoong explains to Max that the five of them will be living together. Max mutters a quiet thanks. Jaejoong’s eyes wet at his blunt politeness.
(“Where has our sarcastic Minnie gone?” Junsu opens his mouth to ask, only to be quickly shut up by Yoochun)
Max’s recurring flashbacks are put on the backburner as he indulges himself in school work and university lectures. Although he inherits a handsome amount of money from his parents, Max busies himself by getting a part-time job at the 24-hour café near the dorm. The scarce remaining downtime that Max has are occupied by his four roommates, who insist on doing something whenever, whatever.
His everyday routine: Eat. Sleep. Study. Café. Going out to somewhere with the other four. Nothing more, nothing less.
Occasionally Max gets headaches, but he shakes his head and puts it out of his mind when he gets them, determined not to think about it. Sometimes he thinks Yoochun knows, but he always manages to change the subject before Yoochun can open his mouth to inquire.
The only time that Max ever thinks about his parents, the car accident and his past is when his relatives stop by to give their obligated condolences. “What a waste,” they always say. “Such a tragic accident, but luckily you survived!” They tell Max.
Max does not know whether it is better to die than to live like an empty shell, uncertain of the future, unsure of what he should be doing in the long journey that awaits him ahead.
Junsu brings a sullen Max out to a game arcade after they finally succeed in ushering all the relatives out from the dorm in an attempt to cheer him up.
“You used to go here all the time when you were angry or upset, you know, every time we couldn’t reach you on your phone we knew that you would be here.” Junsu tells Max as they walk past the air hockey machines.
“Really? I had a feeling I would like this place just now.”
“Yeah, sometimes we would find you shooting madly over there at the basketball machines, sometimes we would find you at the coin dozers. One time we even caught you at the photo sticker booth taking pictures by yourself!”
Max laughs at this. “I sound ridiculous.”
“Yes, you were! But every time after you came here you would become much happier, so I thought I would bring you back here. What do you want to play first? I’m itching to go to the basketball machines!!!”
“Alright, duckbutt. I’m sure I haven’t lost my awesome shooting skills yet!”
“Hey!”
Yoochun decides to visit Max during his graveyard shift at the café one day. He finds Max sitting at the register reading a book, having no customers at this hour in the dead of the night. After some (easy) negotiation with the female café owner, Yoochun sits Max down across one of the empty booths, a cup of lukewarm coffee sitting precariously on the table, the cup chipped and worn.
“How are you doing, Max?”
“I’m quite fine, Yoochun. But I certainly won’t be when you leave, because I am quite sure that Taeyeon will be badgering me for your number the second you step out from this place.” Max states a-matter-of-factly, displeased that his reading time had been disturbed.
“No, Max, how is your head doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, all the headaches you have been having, Changmin, “ (Max cringes) “And don’t give me that look. Don’t lie to me and deny it, I’ve known you since you were in diapers so obviously I can read your face as easily as my brother’s. Do they have to do with the car accident and, subsequently your memory loss three months ago?”
Max sighs, “I knew you would find out eventually. Do the others know yet?” He takes a sip of the coffee and finds himself frowning at the taste. He will have to ask Taeyeon to switch to another type of coffee beans. It tasted bad even for his liking, and he was not a picky drinker.
“No, but they will if you don’t tell me what’s wrong Right. Now.” Yoochun points to his phone to emphasize his point.
“… I have been having flashbacks two weeks after we moved into the dorm. The headaches didn’t come until probably a month ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell us? You know we would be more than willing to help out, maybe at least find you a doctor or something!”
“The flashbacks are getting clearer and clearer! I think I could even make out the people and what was happening in the flashback! I thought I could wait for a little more until I can make sense of my past life-“
“Until what? Until you announce to us one morning that you can remember everything? Don’t give me that bullshit! Changmin, we are worried about you, and you need to know that we all care about you very, very much. Headaches that hurt definitely need attending to, alright? Maybe the doctor can help you ease the pain!”
“You don’t even know how it feels! You don’t even know how it feels like to wake up one day and not know anything about yourself and everything around you! Do you know how guilty it makes me to have to mourn for the loss of my parents, yet I don’t even know a thing about them? Heck, I don’t even know how they look like! What about my sister? I can’t even support my sister when she needs me the most…”
The façade that is “Max” has crumbled down like tower walls. All along Changmin has tried to delude himself into thinking that nothing has ever happened, but something has definitely happened. The car accident had happened, and it had robbed him of his family, his memories, his life and everything that had caused him to exist as a being. All hopes that he could start afresh as “Max” has disillusioned, and so easy it was, all it took was a midnight visit by the friend who saw through his façade.
Yoochun leads a silent Changmin back home that night, making sure to promise Taeyeon they will make up for his early leave later.
Yoochun carries an asleep Changmin into the dorm, finding that the other four have stayed up all night waiting for their return. Maybe it is brothers’ instinct, because everyone knows that something has happened. Jaejoong gives Yoochun a questioning look, inaudible questions on his lips, but Yoochun’s tired expression tells them all that they will have to wait for explanations the next morning.
Changmin’s dreams are plagued with flashes of his past.
Yoochun pushing him on a swing when they were four years old.
Football tryouts with Junsu in middle school.
Baking a surprise birthday cake for his sister with Jaejoong in a flour-dusted kitchen.
The balloons bumping against the ceiling as they sang the birthday song to Yunho, all attempts at harmonization failed.
His parents cheering for him at his first sports meet at elementary school on the sidelines, Yoochun running with him in his first 50 metre race. They were running, running nonstop and the finishing line is nowhere in sight. Changmin panics and he turns around to ask Yoochun what is going on, only to find that his friend is shimmering into bits and pieces of gold dust.
Changmin wakes. Beads of perspiration have accumulated at the sides of his forehead. His hair is damp with sweat. A very concerned-looking Jaejoong is sitting beside his bed. He notices that Jaejoong is holding his hand. He does not shy away from the touch. Instead he asks for water. Jaejoong gladly obliges, leaving the room to fetch his water. Changmin notices the cold air that immediately replaces the previous warm touch.
The next week passes in a blur. Each day passes uneventfully, a carbon copy of each other. Changmin confines back to his daily routine. Eat. Sleep. Study. Café. Taeyeon asks if he is alright one day concernedly, but he smiles and assures that nothing has happened.
The other four tries and promptly fails to pretend that that night had never happened. The worrying glances they direct toward him when they think he is not looking give it all away. Changmin tries to persuade a perturbed Yunho that he is alright, no he will not suddenly have a meltdown and yes he can control his emotions very well, thank you. Yunho does not look at all convinced, but he lets the matter drop for now.
All the while Changmin’s memories are starting to resurface. He cannot remember anything from high school onwards yet, but Yoochun is glad to confirm that their elementary school escapades were indeed true, much to Changmin’s horror. Slowly the dark abyss that is his past starts to lighten.
They go out to exquisite Korean barbeque restaurant on a Friday evening to celebrate Jaejoong’s win in the university composing contest. Changmin congratulates Jaejoong wholeheartedly while listening to the winning song “Wasurenaide”, and is pleasantly surprised that Jaejoong actually knows Japanese.
“He went to learn the language on a whim,” Yunho explains, “and he hasn’t even been to the country once! I was very surprised he managed to stick through with the lessons. Junsu dropped out after two.”
They slide into a booth (“We always sit here every time we come!” Junsu says excitedly) and the other four gets their usual order. Changmin contemplates on what to get, having no recollection of what he would get before, and finally decides to get some of everything.
“You know you would do this too, before you know, the car accident,” Yoochun tells Changmin while fiddling with the barbeque stove. “You used to order everything too,” he adds when Changmin responds with blank confusion written on his face.
“I guess my stomach hasn’t changed.” Changmin says between bites of beef. The others chuckle mildly in response.
A year has passed. Changmin finds that he no longer cares about time. Time means nothing when you have nothing to look forward to, no dreams to pursue, and no goals to achieve. Changmin does not even know what he wants for himself. The things that defined him, made him dream and set goals to achieve the things he wants are a dull eternity away.
Yunho tells him it’s alright. “It’s alright to be unsure, Changmin. It’s okay. You’ve got us, and that’s all you need.”
Changmin believes in Yunho. He wills himself to believe that everything will be okay, not now, not tomorrow. But one day, he will remember everything. He knows it. And for the meantime, he will live every day as fully as possible.
Daily routine: Eat. Sleep. Study. Café. Game arcade.
Jaejoong. Junsu. Yunho. Yoochun.
Author's Note: This was written on a whim after listening to Coldplay's Fix you. Angst overload;__; Stuff's been happening to my life lately that's why. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are highly welcome!!