(no subject)
This week I have been reeling from a million emotions, mostly of the sad kind, and when I came to a halt outside my old apartment, my heart ached tremendously when I saw a light on inside. Someone had moved in.
Someone had moved into my old place, and it was no longer mine. They have no idea that they sleep in what used to be a green & pink bedroom, or maybe a dark teal room. They have no idea that I still know exactly where everything goes, that I left that sticker there on purpose, that I kissed those walls before I left, that their door number probably looks a little differently than others because I have the original.
I was just in my bedroom here, with my hands and my cheek against my green & pink canvas, eyes closed, pretending it was my painted bedroom instead. Tears came to my eyes when I thought of the mistake I made, of what I left behind, of the friendship that's scarred that may never heal.
Nobody ever asks me WHY I get so upset over the little things. It's never the little thing that's so upsetting, it's the violation of the bigger principle that I want others to live by. I've only found one person that I'm not related to that fully understands me and the principles I live by. And I failed to trust that person's advice when I made this mistake. Did she know something I could not see? Or did she just automatically know what was best for me? The deal was too sweet to pass up, but that sugar sure has turned sour. That green & pink canvas represents all that I left behind and all that I loved in that apartment: objects, memories, my two very best friends in the entire universe, and maybe a little bit of my identity.
If you really knew me, you'd know why the little things get to me, or want to know why. If you really knew me, you'd know that my heart is breaking.
Someone had moved into my old place, and it was no longer mine. They have no idea that they sleep in what used to be a green & pink bedroom, or maybe a dark teal room. They have no idea that I still know exactly where everything goes, that I left that sticker there on purpose, that I kissed those walls before I left, that their door number probably looks a little differently than others because I have the original.
I was just in my bedroom here, with my hands and my cheek against my green & pink canvas, eyes closed, pretending it was my painted bedroom instead. Tears came to my eyes when I thought of the mistake I made, of what I left behind, of the friendship that's scarred that may never heal.
Nobody ever asks me WHY I get so upset over the little things. It's never the little thing that's so upsetting, it's the violation of the bigger principle that I want others to live by. I've only found one person that I'm not related to that fully understands me and the principles I live by. And I failed to trust that person's advice when I made this mistake. Did she know something I could not see? Or did she just automatically know what was best for me? The deal was too sweet to pass up, but that sugar sure has turned sour. That green & pink canvas represents all that I left behind and all that I loved in that apartment: objects, memories, my two very best friends in the entire universe, and maybe a little bit of my identity.
If you really knew me, you'd know why the little things get to me, or want to know why. If you really knew me, you'd know that my heart is breaking.