confusion is quite possibly the most confusing thing out there
sooo yeah today i was a mess....well im always a mess but i guess today was a little worse. stupid having to write about myself for that college application, i dont like the idea of selling myself for an education....maybe thats hypocritical considering some of the things that ive done but really i donno....i still dont like it. then theres the stupid swimming thing and bree said to make a list and well i made a list but it doenst seem to help because every pro i have i can write a con for.....and yeah so i donno. and i dont like getting yelled at to 'take charge of your life' grrrr thats fine and dandy but they dont have to go to school for the rest of their lives with people they dont really like seeing everyday...for the most part...and evil teenagers who are self absorbed and care very little for a multitude of things....yes and of course im included in that...as ive discussed with chris...life the universe and everything and yeah we are scum of it....if only reality was as messed up as it is in that book that would be awesome...being controlled by white mice and having the earth blown up to make way for an inter-galaxial highway YES!!!(sorry thats the hitchikers guide to the galaxy coming out).ah the true bliss of impending doom....school is so near i can smell the marijuana. tomarrow we leave bright and early....with lauren...for EI EI U!!!! goodness gracious thats the last thing i need roundabout school spirit anyone? so its eastern tomarrow for a student guided tour...and two and a half hours of pure musical delight on the way down...maybe...i think i get carsick everytime i ride in the van so we'll see how that goes. then we're spending the night at the stepgrandparents house in normal and just dad and i are visiting illinois state on thursday...which is ok cause laurens already seen that one....lets keep in mind this is a serious trip....speaking of which today katie took shannon and i to the mall which was kind of interesting but they were both rather nice to one another so that was good....and i got another pair of jeans for school...which i think i'll wear, thats always the question is it....wow i gotta get rid of some of my junk. but yeah so the county fair starts tomarrow and i definatly wanna go, if at least to see sobey and her hogs! haha no i like the fair too we'll just have to see how that works if it works cause everyone works all the time and yeah i donno. i still have to pack but im putting if off, can you tell? probably not right but i just cant decide what to wear haha if that doesnt sound girly....speaking of which i was warned today and i wont give names but my shopping adventures were limited today i could purchase no 'goth'clothing and no 'boy' clothing.....i think this is a subtle reminder of how my own expression of myself affects them....thats alright though i guess. ok well i think im just rambling here becasue well thats what i do and aim isnt really working and my fingers are dying to type and stuff so i guess that'd be why im still rambling haha. oh dear ok i should stop so byebye