A new chapter...
I've just returned from a two-day-one-night IJ staff retreat Changi Village Hotel. It was awesome.
I have to begin with..
We were so well-fed throughout the course of the retreat that even I had problems keeping up with the number of meals we were given. Every two hours, there was either a buffet-style tea break or a main course. And mark my words when I say that every tea break was as heavy as a full lunch or dinner. I have no doubt I have gained another 2kg. I even look it.
So.. the retreat..
For the first time in years, I was at the receiving end of a retreat. I was a participant. The sessions were refreshing, and were both relaxing and well-paced. It was exactly what I needed to kickstart my new journey with the IJ family.. The sessions were Christ-centered and they focused on searching within myself. They were thought-provoking and they nudged me in the direction of looking inwards... my soul, my spirit, my heart. They asked some questions which sought to uncover answers buried so deep within that I felt a significant part of me has been awakened after years of being drained, hardened, dead..
This marks the beginning of not only an outward journey of my teaching career.. It is - in some ways more importantly - a timely kickstart to a very personal journey within myself. It is only the beginning. I have not found the answers, but at least I have the questions and God's hand to lead me to them..
It was a pleasant retreat. I got to know my colleagues a little better - we picked up from where we left off at practicum... and I'm grateful to be able to say that I made friends too. Not just colleagues with whom I can get along, but more than that, friends. Friends with whom I was comfortable enough to room, go for supper at the nearby kopitiams, and play bridge through the night..
You know how over time, you learn to tell the difference between a genuine person and one who puts on a mask for the sake of being nice? I felt like I was surrounded mostly by individuals who were real. They were there for me and almost never hesitated to reach out to this anxious, uncertain and amateur beginning teacher.
Just two days ago, I was assigned a class and (to cut a long, complicated story short) along with it, some very disturbing news about my class profile. I was then briefed on my professional portfolio which includes all the outside-of-classroom duties. It was, to put simply, overwhelming. I now have a much better idea of the differences between an aided mission school and a government-funded or independent school - the price of an affordable all-rounded education comes in the form of endless outside-of-curriculum student programmes and fund-raising events run purely by teachers. This reality is truly a culture shock for me.. Yet I am far from regretting this exciting new journey..
.. The heaviness in my heart was lightened over the course of these two days as I discovered that although I may have to deal with all these duties independently, I am not without the support and patience of my well-meaning colleagues.
I attended FOC just before all this began. I was a little worried for myself because it seemed to be a clear sign of not being able to let go of the family I had found in my wonderful university days. I have a good feeling that letting go will be possible after this turning point. NIE was probably nothing more than a blur... Perhaps it was a buffer, a transitional period for me to get used to the idea of having to let go someday.
Well, that someday has come and the beginning of a promising new chapter is finally within sight..
______
PS: I graduate AGAIN on 12 July. Convocation with the gown and all that jazz... what a joke.
______
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the QUESTIONS themselves.
Like locked rooms or books that are written in a foreign tongue.
The point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live
your way some distant day into the answers.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
I have to begin with..
We were so well-fed throughout the course of the retreat that even I had problems keeping up with the number of meals we were given. Every two hours, there was either a buffet-style tea break or a main course. And mark my words when I say that every tea break was as heavy as a full lunch or dinner. I have no doubt I have gained another 2kg. I even look it.
So.. the retreat..
For the first time in years, I was at the receiving end of a retreat. I was a participant. The sessions were refreshing, and were both relaxing and well-paced. It was exactly what I needed to kickstart my new journey with the IJ family.. The sessions were Christ-centered and they focused on searching within myself. They were thought-provoking and they nudged me in the direction of looking inwards... my soul, my spirit, my heart. They asked some questions which sought to uncover answers buried so deep within that I felt a significant part of me has been awakened after years of being drained, hardened, dead..
This marks the beginning of not only an outward journey of my teaching career.. It is - in some ways more importantly - a timely kickstart to a very personal journey within myself. It is only the beginning. I have not found the answers, but at least I have the questions and God's hand to lead me to them..
It was a pleasant retreat. I got to know my colleagues a little better - we picked up from where we left off at practicum... and I'm grateful to be able to say that I made friends too. Not just colleagues with whom I can get along, but more than that, friends. Friends with whom I was comfortable enough to room, go for supper at the nearby kopitiams, and play bridge through the night..
You know how over time, you learn to tell the difference between a genuine person and one who puts on a mask for the sake of being nice? I felt like I was surrounded mostly by individuals who were real. They were there for me and almost never hesitated to reach out to this anxious, uncertain and amateur beginning teacher.
Just two days ago, I was assigned a class and (to cut a long, complicated story short) along with it, some very disturbing news about my class profile. I was then briefed on my professional portfolio which includes all the outside-of-classroom duties. It was, to put simply, overwhelming. I now have a much better idea of the differences between an aided mission school and a government-funded or independent school - the price of an affordable all-rounded education comes in the form of endless outside-of-curriculum student programmes and fund-raising events run purely by teachers. This reality is truly a culture shock for me.. Yet I am far from regretting this exciting new journey..
.. The heaviness in my heart was lightened over the course of these two days as I discovered that although I may have to deal with all these duties independently, I am not without the support and patience of my well-meaning colleagues.
I attended FOC just before all this began. I was a little worried for myself because it seemed to be a clear sign of not being able to let go of the family I had found in my wonderful university days. I have a good feeling that letting go will be possible after this turning point. NIE was probably nothing more than a blur... Perhaps it was a buffer, a transitional period for me to get used to the idea of having to let go someday.
Well, that someday has come and the beginning of a promising new chapter is finally within sight..
______
PS: I graduate AGAIN on 12 July. Convocation with the gown and all that jazz... what a joke.
______
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the QUESTIONS themselves.
Like locked rooms or books that are written in a foreign tongue.
The point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live
your way some distant day into the answers.
- Rainer Maria Rilke