Ficlet (Angel): To Have Loved
Title: To Have Loved
Author: cookielaura
Characters/Pairings: Angel, Buffy, Doyle, Wesley, Fred, Cordy, Angel/Buffy, Angel/Cordy
Wordcount: 563
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, mentions of death
Spoilers: Buffy season 3, Angel season 5
Summary: Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Five times fic.
Notes: For the prompt "5 people Angel loved" by geckogirl89 on Five Things day at comment_fic
1.
Buffy is the first. The first person he truly, passionately, selflessly loves; the first person who makes him want to do something, be something. She brings him back to life, gives him a purpose, gives him a reason not to let himself fade away.
She is open, and sweet, and strong. She is everything he could never deserve, and when they are together, all he can do is wait for the sky to come crashing down.
When it does, it breaks Buffy's heart, but Angel's is already gone. And by the time he gets it back, he knows that no matter how hard they try to ignore the truth, there is no hope for them.
2.
Doyle is something he never expected. Something new, something he never had - not really - not when he was alive and not since he's been dead. Doyle is a friend.
He's not just a teammate, not just someone to fight alongside, though he is those things too. He is someone to talk with, to relax with, to make jokes with. Angel finds, to his surprise, that he can laugh.
He's not sure when it happened, but at some point, much sooner than he should have, he began to see Doyle as someone who would always be there. And then suddenly he isn't, and Angel loses a piece of his heart that he only just discovered.
3.
Wesley worms his way in. Angel is guarded, after Doyle, and he barely wants another colleague, let alone someone else to care about. But Wesley is around, day after day, helping, persisting, and eventually he is one of them.
It's not like how it was with Doyle, not quite. But Angel cares for him. Respects him, after a time. Trusts him, finally, and completely.
It turns out that Wesley doesn't trust him, at least not more than bogus prophecies and coincidental signs and deep-seated prejudices. He takes Angel's child, and with it he takes Angel's future, his hope, his faith in everyone and everything. Some are replaced, in time. Some are not.
4.
Fred needs him. She needs Angel in a way he's never really been needed in the past: to heal her, to help her come back to herself. It turns out that she is what Angel needs too.
Fred is gentle, and kind, and pure: a tonic for his bruised heart. Angel wants her, more than anyone, to be happy, to be whole, to have a bright and beautiful life.
Instead, she is eaten up, destroyed from the inside out, and Angel has to work with the unfeeling god who wears her face. Everytime he sees Illyria, his heart dies a little more.
5.
Cordy is the last.
Cordy is a partner in all things, an equal. She is a beautiful, powerful, uncompromising woman who knows him better than anyone has ever done and who loves him all the same. She sees his darkness and she doesn't turn away. She is the woman he is meant to spend his life with.
She would tell him that she shouldn't be the last. That he will love again. That there will be new people who enter his life, who will enter his heart. And Cordy is always right - except this time.
When the call comes to tell him of her fate, Angel knows he has opened up his heart to someone for the last time.
Author: cookielaura
Characters/Pairings: Angel, Buffy, Doyle, Wesley, Fred, Cordy, Angel/Buffy, Angel/Cordy
Wordcount: 563
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, mentions of death
Spoilers: Buffy season 3, Angel season 5
Summary: Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Five times fic.
Notes: For the prompt "5 people Angel loved" by geckogirl89 on Five Things day at comment_fic
1.
Buffy is the first. The first person he truly, passionately, selflessly loves; the first person who makes him want to do something, be something. She brings him back to life, gives him a purpose, gives him a reason not to let himself fade away.
She is open, and sweet, and strong. She is everything he could never deserve, and when they are together, all he can do is wait for the sky to come crashing down.
When it does, it breaks Buffy's heart, but Angel's is already gone. And by the time he gets it back, he knows that no matter how hard they try to ignore the truth, there is no hope for them.
2.
Doyle is something he never expected. Something new, something he never had - not really - not when he was alive and not since he's been dead. Doyle is a friend.
He's not just a teammate, not just someone to fight alongside, though he is those things too. He is someone to talk with, to relax with, to make jokes with. Angel finds, to his surprise, that he can laugh.
He's not sure when it happened, but at some point, much sooner than he should have, he began to see Doyle as someone who would always be there. And then suddenly he isn't, and Angel loses a piece of his heart that he only just discovered.
3.
Wesley worms his way in. Angel is guarded, after Doyle, and he barely wants another colleague, let alone someone else to care about. But Wesley is around, day after day, helping, persisting, and eventually he is one of them.
It's not like how it was with Doyle, not quite. But Angel cares for him. Respects him, after a time. Trusts him, finally, and completely.
It turns out that Wesley doesn't trust him, at least not more than bogus prophecies and coincidental signs and deep-seated prejudices. He takes Angel's child, and with it he takes Angel's future, his hope, his faith in everyone and everything. Some are replaced, in time. Some are not.
4.
Fred needs him. She needs Angel in a way he's never really been needed in the past: to heal her, to help her come back to herself. It turns out that she is what Angel needs too.
Fred is gentle, and kind, and pure: a tonic for his bruised heart. Angel wants her, more than anyone, to be happy, to be whole, to have a bright and beautiful life.
Instead, she is eaten up, destroyed from the inside out, and Angel has to work with the unfeeling god who wears her face. Everytime he sees Illyria, his heart dies a little more.
5.
Cordy is the last.
Cordy is a partner in all things, an equal. She is a beautiful, powerful, uncompromising woman who knows him better than anyone has ever done and who loves him all the same. She sees his darkness and she doesn't turn away. She is the woman he is meant to spend his life with.
She would tell him that she shouldn't be the last. That he will love again. That there will be new people who enter his life, who will enter his heart. And Cordy is always right - except this time.
When the call comes to tell him of her fate, Angel knows he has opened up his heart to someone for the last time.