GEEZE.
Best friend & Rondeau.
Our final goodbye to summer.
... we're nerds.
Last weekend was spent in Canada with Elise; my last weekend until, what, December? And those days don't even count, because they're not even weekends. They're just days, hours, snippets of time. It makes me so upset, but am I surprised? This happens every year. It's always so hard for me to say goodbye. Always.
On the bright side, our first show is Saturday. I've already written my letter, but I have countless other Squeaky Reed things to do in only four days. I was going to apply for this Student Voices thing for the Farmington Observer, but the deadline was today and when I looked online, I couldn't find the application. I e-mailed them but I'm sure they'll tell me it was too late. It's disappointing, because this is what I want to do with my life, but I always have next year. Until then, I have to do plenty of research, find some writing contests, and get my name out there. I have to make up for us not having a newspaper this year and for me missing that stupid deadline. At least I can try again next year. I'm still upset about it.
With competitions every weekend, I'm not sure when I'll get to really see James next. He'll be home this upcoming weekend, but between the football game Friday, Trenton Saturday (which will take all day), and James leaving Sunday morning, I'll get to see him for about two hours. Maybe three. I know people keep saying it's good I'm seeing him at all, but really. Three hours when I'm dead tired is close to nothing.
Sometimes I wish I weren't so busy, but it helps me not miss him so much. I talk to him every day, even for only five minutes, and then I hang up and get right back to work. I always have so much to do. And it's the same for him; he's either in class or rehearsal or lessons or practicing or doing homework. Honestly, it's a wonder the boy breathes.
I miss him. When I'm on the go, constantly moving, it's okay. But little things remind me of him, and little things bring me down. Last Tuesday when I was upset about something, all I wanted was to call him and have him at my door five minutes later. Everything would be alright then. But I couldn't, he couldn't, and everything seemed a lot worse than it actually was. I can't explain it. Just sometimes I feel like part of me is missing. Lonliness is the worst feeling ever, because the only way to fix it is to have that person with you, and that's not possible right now.
Anyway. I'm really not this sad all the time.
Maybe I should go to bed early tonight.