exhaustion
I found this essay online in an eZine call "Lost". (It has nothing to do with the TV show.)
"[The baby's] claims on me were not just physical, but mental and emotional. Aches, soreness, tightness, the return of sciatic pain in my back and hip, these reminded me that there was no rest. But worse than that was the realization...that sleep was no longer restoring me. My physical exhaustion was merely a symptom of a much deeper, more pervasive and insidious fatigue...The weekend promised no break, no release from the work of the week."
It was not so much any one thing; the diapers, the crying, the sleeplessness, the new aches that come with each growth spurt, the feeding, the teaching, the repetition - each of these tasks added up and up, so that the sum far exceeded the parts, until you were finally and wholly taken with the small things of life. And though you thrived on giving yourself over to your child each and every day, if you were not very careful, you, your self, could simply vanish, be taken away."
I feel like a shell of a person. At a recent family event, we left before my mom came. The relatives expressed their concern and described me to her as looking "haggard", "exhausted", and "completely stressed out".
I hope it'll get better when Chip can move around more. I know that people say to enjoy this time while she's not mobile, but I think she'll be a happier little person when she's not stuck laying down or propped up by a family member all the time.
"[The baby's] claims on me were not just physical, but mental and emotional. Aches, soreness, tightness, the return of sciatic pain in my back and hip, these reminded me that there was no rest. But worse than that was the realization...that sleep was no longer restoring me. My physical exhaustion was merely a symptom of a much deeper, more pervasive and insidious fatigue...The weekend promised no break, no release from the work of the week."
It was not so much any one thing; the diapers, the crying, the sleeplessness, the new aches that come with each growth spurt, the feeding, the teaching, the repetition - each of these tasks added up and up, so that the sum far exceeded the parts, until you were finally and wholly taken with the small things of life. And though you thrived on giving yourself over to your child each and every day, if you were not very careful, you, your self, could simply vanish, be taken away."
I feel like a shell of a person. At a recent family event, we left before my mom came. The relatives expressed their concern and described me to her as looking "haggard", "exhausted", and "completely stressed out".
I hope it'll get better when Chip can move around more. I know that people say to enjoy this time while she's not mobile, but I think she'll be a happier little person when she's not stuck laying down or propped up by a family member all the time.