Four Rooms for October 2010
Physical
Same old, same old. Insulin, no eat sugar, then sleep more. Walk dog. Apartment search. I've been doing better mentally. Only two major flair ups in 2 months! One of them had me bust my scanner. No, I'm NOT happy and it makes me horribly guilty because I didn't want to break it. I've not even checked to see if it works. Its got a cracked housing.
Eating like shit because what I do get is being put towards .. well WAS... being put towards security deposit. Mom and Oma helped out to make sure it didn't get spent. So yeah. My money situation sucks horse shit this month. Gonna see if I can get to the food bank this month before I start whining for groceries from people, LMAO! The Animals eat better than I do, but their food makes for good snacking.
Mental
I'm annoyed as all hell lately. Feels like I'm having 7 conversations at the same time, no-one is listening to me and when I throw a fit out of frustration, they get mad at me for swearing and getting mad. It's gone from ex-friends harassing me to family. Oma, Mom, Dad, Aunts and Uncles. They hover4 to then point I literally don't get to use the crapper without them giving me directions non how to use it right. I tell the voices bugging me to go away. They do... for 20 minutes and nit pick about every little though I said about them.
And believe it or not, it HAS gotten better!
I've been really working on training Aaerro. Every night I spend 10-15 minutes doing commands and basic training with her. It's working! It's good mental stimulation for us both and Aaerro tends to get bored if she's forced to sleep all day.
Emotional
Then apartment search was incredibly stressful for me. Especially with housing effing up my chances at finding a place! The one. .. ONE time I use my parents as a housing reference instead of MHA, I get the place within a week .
I cheered at the office. Christine, my housing worker, did, too as we've been working our asses off trying to move in. I'm excited, worried and at the same time, HAPPY to finally be out of the chaos that is housing. The big concern, though, is... have I jumped out of the pan and into the fire?
Spiritual
The spook in my closet is the one who's been 'raping' me. Yeah. And it's frustrating because it feels like my guardians have exhausted all of their abilities. I feel them fighting him... He uses my skills against me. So I've gone to insulting the prick and to my amazement, it's worked. Not that I prefer that route, but 11 years of his shit? He's always waving his dick in my face and quite frankly, he's got either a really small dick or one hell of a tumor.
Yeah. Happy to be moving.
On another note - Been talking to my toys. I swear they're fae at heart. They're like a cross between rats and children. They're climbers, too. Nothing as weird as being in the bird room or bathroom and hearing, as clear as daylight, in your head, 'Don't move! I'm perched precariously here!'. You turn and find a toy-in-spirit perched partially on some object on their way down with their version of climbing gear. Or how about the lecture about what to bring home when shopping because I Keep throwing out their climbing tools? (Or flushing them down the toilet because they've got a bundle hidden on my TP. Sigh!) It's cute. But weird. I don't have to invent this. Blame it on mental illness, blame it on a weird brain, blame it on spirit, but I swear by the hairs on the Gods' chins that I don't have to make this up, LMAO!
When they speak, I see clouds form over their heads in the colors of their moods. Or written words. The larger ones I also hear voices. And one of their favorite pass times is riding the dog... Poor Aaerro!
Same old, same old. Insulin, no eat sugar, then sleep more. Walk dog. Apartment search. I've been doing better mentally. Only two major flair ups in 2 months! One of them had me bust my scanner. No, I'm NOT happy and it makes me horribly guilty because I didn't want to break it. I've not even checked to see if it works. Its got a cracked housing.
Eating like shit because what I do get is being put towards .. well WAS... being put towards security deposit. Mom and Oma helped out to make sure it didn't get spent. So yeah. My money situation sucks horse shit this month. Gonna see if I can get to the food bank this month before I start whining for groceries from people, LMAO! The Animals eat better than I do, but their food makes for good snacking.
Mental
I'm annoyed as all hell lately. Feels like I'm having 7 conversations at the same time, no-one is listening to me and when I throw a fit out of frustration, they get mad at me for swearing and getting mad. It's gone from ex-friends harassing me to family. Oma, Mom, Dad, Aunts and Uncles. They hover4 to then point I literally don't get to use the crapper without them giving me directions non how to use it right. I tell the voices bugging me to go away. They do... for 20 minutes and nit pick about every little though I said about them.
And believe it or not, it HAS gotten better!
I've been really working on training Aaerro. Every night I spend 10-15 minutes doing commands and basic training with her. It's working! It's good mental stimulation for us both and Aaerro tends to get bored if she's forced to sleep all day.
Emotional
Then apartment search was incredibly stressful for me. Especially with housing effing up my chances at finding a place! The one. .. ONE time I use my parents as a housing reference instead of MHA, I get the place within a week .
I cheered at the office. Christine, my housing worker, did, too as we've been working our asses off trying to move in. I'm excited, worried and at the same time, HAPPY to finally be out of the chaos that is housing. The big concern, though, is... have I jumped out of the pan and into the fire?
Spiritual
The spook in my closet is the one who's been 'raping' me. Yeah. And it's frustrating because it feels like my guardians have exhausted all of their abilities. I feel them fighting him... He uses my skills against me. So I've gone to insulting the prick and to my amazement, it's worked. Not that I prefer that route, but 11 years of his shit? He's always waving his dick in my face and quite frankly, he's got either a really small dick or one hell of a tumor.
Yeah. Happy to be moving.
On another note - Been talking to my toys. I swear they're fae at heart. They're like a cross between rats and children. They're climbers, too. Nothing as weird as being in the bird room or bathroom and hearing, as clear as daylight, in your head, 'Don't move! I'm perched precariously here!'. You turn and find a toy-in-spirit perched partially on some object on their way down with their version of climbing gear. Or how about the lecture about what to bring home when shopping because I Keep throwing out their climbing tools? (Or flushing them down the toilet because they've got a bundle hidden on my TP. Sigh!) It's cute. But weird. I don't have to invent this. Blame it on mental illness, blame it on a weird brain, blame it on spirit, but I swear by the hairs on the Gods' chins that I don't have to make this up, LMAO!
When they speak, I see clouds form over their heads in the colors of their moods. Or written words. The larger ones I also hear voices. And one of their favorite pass times is riding the dog... Poor Aaerro!