(no subject)
fuckinghellblazingtimewastingfuckingbullshit
It's Tuesday, January 5th, 2007. Tomorrow I have to go to the Chosen Freeholders meeting as a winner of Skills USA State competition and then go to a prep for the Skills USA National competition. Then I need ALL of my stuff packed up in the van for North Carolina because I'm leaving Thursday morning. I won't be back till NEXT Thursday, which means I'll miss five days of vocational when I can only miss ONE more day, and that means I had to stay double session for the last two weeks, and now, two days before I leave, Mrs. Sour the Vice Principal who is suppose to decide whether or not me staying double session would count or not against my absences ISN'T fucking here because she's on vacation.
While this is all going on I have to stop at OCC pay off a 15$ parking fine because they're not sending my stupid fucking transcript to UNCG, and then I have to email UNCG and make sure they got the transcript.
And while that's all fucking happening I am trying to work on n00besauce and all the other fucking projects that I actually care about, while all my mother does is fucking curse me for it.
Oh and to add to that shit, the $5,000 scholarship I got from Skills to go to Boston means NOTHING to me, since I'm not going to Boston, and since UNCG basically considers Boston a joke, and won't even acknowledge any scholarship I receive from them.
Not to mention the fucking councilor here at the vocational school won't fucking tell me whether or not I got the small $500 scholarship from them, because "she's not supposed to" but then she fucking makes things sound good by saying "But personally I'd go to Graduation if you know what I mean" insinuating that I got the scholarship or something. Which is probably a load of bullshit, just to get me to go to that stupid fucking ceremony and feel worthless.
And not only that, but all my parents do is bitch about me hanging out with friends, even though I'm leaving in three weeks for GOOD, and the "kick ass going away party" that my mom promised me is CANCELLED because of "Too many conflicting schedules"
And then after I printed three t-shirt jobs this past week, which was my dad's job, I get screamed at for messing one stupid thing up that I had no fucking clue about. And then I get screamed at because my fucking room is a mess. WTF!? MY FUCKING ROOM IS GOING TO EMPTY OF ALL MY STUFF COME THURSDAY MORNING! So who the fuck gives a shit.
Now I need to go home, clean my room, hear my parents scream, pack some more for UNCG, finish all the work for voc I need to do, while packing up all of the equipment I owe Mr. V including one stupid fucking bolt that I can't find anywhere. Then I need to go to OCC pay that dumb fine, tell them to send my fucking transcript, then go to sleep just so that I can come into Vocational tomorrow and have Mrs. Sour-fucking-bitch tell me how I am missing too many days, and how Skills USA, FBLA or all the other fucking shit I do, doesn't even count towards my attendance even though they are all things that help the vocational school, the vocational school that will probably fuck me over again on another scholarship just like they did last year. Then I'll have to get in the car Thursday morning and spend a week with my dad who will do nothing but tell me how I disappoint him, tell me how I'm a failure, tell me how I'm fucking up my life, and how I'm like my dumb fucking relatives who also failed life. About how I am selfish doing everything for myself, about how I'm last and how I fucking need to straighten out my life, or move the fuck out. Then when he's done screaming about that, he'll scream at me about the fucking world affairs from Russia, to the Middle East, about how fucking people want to kill me, how our world is going down the shitter, as if there is something I can do about it, as if I mother fucking didn't know about all that shit already. THEN my mom will do nothing but fucking worry and fucking bitch at me about all the things I'm doing wrong in life, even though she doesn't know me, and my fucking life, which by the way is turning out better than hers, IS NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS.
Then my jackass friend Joe Pentz who is fucking up his life every fucking day will fucking bitch some more about me, because he's upset about shit from five years ago.
Then I'll fucking go home, and work on a Skills USA National video for five fucking days, by myself, while trying to film n00besauce, and then I'll be screamed at about how I push everything to last minute, (EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NEVER FAILED AT A TASK EVEN IF AT LAST MINUTE) Then I'll fucking finish the video, pack up what's left of my belongings to go to Kansas City.
Then I'll go on a fucking trip to nationals, with people I don't know, who don't like me, who I don't care about, then I'll worry my ass off for five days about whether or not I'll win again, and then I'll fucking win, only to receive a fucking ipod, and then be completely forgotten and not even mentioned. Making all my hard work feel meaningless. And then once I'm at the lowest point of self esteem my fucking family will tell my how selfish and cruel I am as I move into my house in North Carolina.
In the end, I'll fucking look back, forget everything good about my past, forget why I did anything I did, then I'll feel worthless and stupid, just in time for summer, where I'll struggle into staying sane, while my parents yell at me for looking depressed.