(no subject)
i hate miles.and i hate how they seperate people.but i know that they wont matter sometime soon.we wont be miles and miles and miles away.nope.we'll be right in bed together every night.i love the girl.and we wont have to go for months.just hours.or days sometimes,for different purposes,but mostly hours.i like the sound of that.a lot.but not as much as i like the sound of when she says "i love you."that is my favorite thing to hear.you really have got my heart stung.and iiiiiii am happy about it.
i need to sleep.but i would rather do it with her next to me.she would rather have it that way too.so who is it that doesn't want us happy?well whoever you are i hate you.yup.you heard it here.i hate you for keeping us apart.but you will only succeed for a little while.she will be back here soon.with over a year under our belt and enough daydreams behind us to dream us away for months.and when she gets back here i am not going to take my hands off of her.i wont let her go.
if my mom hadn't came in my room i would have been better.but it was sweet of her to do so.tomorrow i will call holly at work and say hello and tell her i love her.i want her to hear it.because i know she smiles a little when i say that.and that's my job.to make her happy because she does it so well for me.
i am really paranoid i said something wrong tonight.that i said the wrong words and upset her.i always worry about that.but when i call her at work tomorrow to see how she is doing,to wish her a good show and to tell her i love her,i will ask.but i am going to have it on my mind that i upset her.and that kills me.even though i rationally kinda know i didn't.she would have told me.but i don't know why i get crazy.that is what i am doing.i am getting crazy.and that is what she will tell me.but still,when that crazy thought hits i can't get over it.i don't ever want her unhappy.and she told me to not be depressed so i'm going to try to do that.just for her.it will make her happy.take two:that's my job.and gosh i have the best job don't i?i have to cuddle,kiss,snuggle,laugh with,tickle,give back/neck/shoulder rubs,talk with and be in love with the most amazing girl.the kinda girl that people write songs about to champion the greatness of.the kinda girl that is the lead role of a movie,that kinda girl people want to have around so they make movies about her and warp themselves into the scenes next to her because it is as close as they can get.but i've been in bed cuddled with that girl.and let me tell you,she's past hollywood.she is just the girl i am in love with.it seems so ordinary but it isn't so when you turn and look at who she is.she is....right.she is right.right for me.sigh.she is right for me.
wow.journaling has stopped my crying.becky was being bery supportive to the news.she is such a good becky.i love my friends.but my head still hurts,even if the crying is gone.i want so much to be able to call holly up right now and ask how she is and hear her voice again.but we get to talk a long time on monday,which is good.that is very good.we need it.most of our conversation tonight was me crying and whimpering and her just being overwhelmingly sweet.gosh.she was so on the mark tonight in saying the exact things i needed to hear.and being strong for me.she does that so well.she does this thing where she will be strong and protective so i can cry and have her to lean on.she tries to shield me from hurting more because she knows if i hear her crying it will make it worse.and she protects me from that.yet another reason why she is so right.and how she makes everything so good.we have been together almost a year.go us!that is so good,honey.and we both agree that we are a damn strong couple.we can make it through this.not can,we will.it isn't going to be hard,right?i mean it has been over 3 months now.yup.gosh i just had a moment of sitting here and staring at the keyboard and smiling.the first time i smiled tonight since we hung up and you made me smile over and over by being so cute.but i was smiling now thinking about how good we are.yeah.and how far we have come.and all of those good things that show the rough spots are here but we are going to drive right over them and cruise into smooth love territory as per usual.yeaaaaah.
honey,i owe you a backrub?going to claim it?or are you going to take me up on what i wrote in your e-mail about how you better get right and comfortable in bed because i am going to put my arms suppperr tight around you and not let you move all night?you're not getting away or wiggling.you need a drink?i will get it.you need maria?let me get her.you need some tissues because you're my sniffles?give me a few seconds to get some.but you are not getting out of that bed because i need you to be there right when i come back.whoa crying coming back.okay okay okay.
so what is your choice?how about the backrub then the you getting comfortable for a night of cuddle-fest?
i love you.
i need to sleep.but i would rather do it with her next to me.she would rather have it that way too.so who is it that doesn't want us happy?well whoever you are i hate you.yup.you heard it here.i hate you for keeping us apart.but you will only succeed for a little while.she will be back here soon.with over a year under our belt and enough daydreams behind us to dream us away for months.and when she gets back here i am not going to take my hands off of her.i wont let her go.
if my mom hadn't came in my room i would have been better.but it was sweet of her to do so.tomorrow i will call holly at work and say hello and tell her i love her.i want her to hear it.because i know she smiles a little when i say that.and that's my job.to make her happy because she does it so well for me.
i am really paranoid i said something wrong tonight.that i said the wrong words and upset her.i always worry about that.but when i call her at work tomorrow to see how she is doing,to wish her a good show and to tell her i love her,i will ask.but i am going to have it on my mind that i upset her.and that kills me.even though i rationally kinda know i didn't.she would have told me.but i don't know why i get crazy.that is what i am doing.i am getting crazy.and that is what she will tell me.but still,when that crazy thought hits i can't get over it.i don't ever want her unhappy.and she told me to not be depressed so i'm going to try to do that.just for her.it will make her happy.take two:that's my job.and gosh i have the best job don't i?i have to cuddle,kiss,snuggle,laugh with,tickle,give back/neck/shoulder rubs,talk with and be in love with the most amazing girl.the kinda girl that people write songs about to champion the greatness of.the kinda girl that is the lead role of a movie,that kinda girl people want to have around so they make movies about her and warp themselves into the scenes next to her because it is as close as they can get.but i've been in bed cuddled with that girl.and let me tell you,she's past hollywood.she is just the girl i am in love with.it seems so ordinary but it isn't so when you turn and look at who she is.she is....right.she is right.right for me.sigh.she is right for me.
wow.journaling has stopped my crying.becky was being bery supportive to the news.she is such a good becky.i love my friends.but my head still hurts,even if the crying is gone.i want so much to be able to call holly up right now and ask how she is and hear her voice again.but we get to talk a long time on monday,which is good.that is very good.we need it.most of our conversation tonight was me crying and whimpering and her just being overwhelmingly sweet.gosh.she was so on the mark tonight in saying the exact things i needed to hear.and being strong for me.she does that so well.she does this thing where she will be strong and protective so i can cry and have her to lean on.she tries to shield me from hurting more because she knows if i hear her crying it will make it worse.and she protects me from that.yet another reason why she is so right.and how she makes everything so good.we have been together almost a year.go us!that is so good,honey.and we both agree that we are a damn strong couple.we can make it through this.not can,we will.it isn't going to be hard,right?i mean it has been over 3 months now.yup.gosh i just had a moment of sitting here and staring at the keyboard and smiling.the first time i smiled tonight since we hung up and you made me smile over and over by being so cute.but i was smiling now thinking about how good we are.yeah.and how far we have come.and all of those good things that show the rough spots are here but we are going to drive right over them and cruise into smooth love territory as per usual.yeaaaaah.
honey,i owe you a backrub?going to claim it?or are you going to take me up on what i wrote in your e-mail about how you better get right and comfortable in bed because i am going to put my arms suppperr tight around you and not let you move all night?you're not getting away or wiggling.you need a drink?i will get it.you need maria?let me get her.you need some tissues because you're my sniffles?give me a few seconds to get some.but you are not getting out of that bed because i need you to be there right when i come back.whoa crying coming back.okay okay okay.
so what is your choice?how about the backrub then the you getting comfortable for a night of cuddle-fest?
i love you.