This moment
It's been a long time since I last wrote and I have been inspired lately to think about TIME. Probably because it's been a month since I left New York, another long and painful 3 months before I will next see him; or because I just watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" and a theme that came forth strongly was "time"; or because I have lately been struck by how I failed to seize the time and share or talk more to an uncle who just passed away due to suicide. All that has been happening in the last month or so made me wonder a lot about time.
Since returning from the States, I really took a while to recover emotionally and come to terms with being back. The whole hurry of life flooded in and almost drowned me. Something I was not used to, at least not during the 3 weeks of traveling and enjoying the time spent with someone and people I love. But it got progressively difficult when I struggled a lot with missing him. It got me started on my "countdown to Nelson's return" program. Still later, it became rather unhealthy. It made me upset every other time we talk that he is miles away, living in a different time zone and basically not physically present when I needed him to be. That was probably the start of things becoming emotionally challenging.
I resented the fact that we have to live with this time apart. Every bit of my rational mind tells me this is good and God has ordained a time as this to strengthen us. But every bit of my heart scorns at that and wish that it did not have to be so difficult. So much of my thoughts of the relationship centered around the past (the times we enjoyed at the States) and the future (when he eventually returns). But it was not long before God had to stop me and made me rethink.
One was through the untimely death of an uncle of mine. He has been suffering for depression for years and just during Chinese New Year, he took his life. I was rather shakened by it and I remember crying as I was telling Nel about yet another person I know who has entered into a Christless eternity. I thought a lot about why I did not seize the opportunities that I had to talk to him or just to show him some care. I thought about how I took him for granted and just somehow expected him to do well. I thought again about the meaning of carpe diem. I wished I had known better what to do with the TIME I had with him.
Another was the excellent movie "The curious case of Benjamin Buttons". To avoid being a spoiler, it shall suffice to say that it made me think about time and the preciousness of the present moment. Even if time really can be turned back and we really can grow younger, it does not change the truth that we still live in the present moment and we live it to its best, to seize the day.
And that reminded me of the wise words of CS Lewis that left such an impression in my life.
"The humans live in time but our Enemy destines them to eternity. He therefore, I believe, wants them to attend chiefly to two things, to eternity itself, and to that point of time which they call the Present. For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity. Of the present moment, and of it only, humans have an experience analogous to the experience which our Enemy has of reality as a whole; in it alone freedom and actuality are offered them. He would therefore have them continually concerned either with eternity (which means being concerned with Him) or with the Present-either meditating on their eternal union with, or separation from, Himself, or else obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure.
Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human (say a widow or a scholar) to live in the Past. But this is of limited value, for they have some real knowledge of the past and it has a determinate nature and, to that extent, resembles eternity. It is far better to make them live in the Future. Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities. In a word, the Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity. It is the most completely temporal part of time-for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays. Hence the encouragement we have given to all those schemes of thought such as Creative Evolution, Scientific Humanism, or
Communism, which fix men's affections on the Future, on the very core of temporality. Hence nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead. Do not think lust an exception. When the present pleasure arrives, the sin (which alone interests us) is already over. The pleasure is just the part of the process which we regret and would exclude if we could do so without losing the sin; it is the part contributed by the Enemy, and therefore experienced in a Present. The sin, which is our contribution, looked forward."
- CS Lewis, Screwtape Letters (context: Of a senior devil counseling his junior nephew devil how to deal with his human object)
Indeed, how true it is that the Past and the Future ever so often cripples us or distracts us. And when I choose to spend my present moment living in the past or worrying or pining for the future, it is one precious moment wasted on what has no value. In the same degree, all my energy spent on missing the days past and yearning for the days to come means there is little of me left to enjoy the present moment with the one I love. He no longer has all of my heart and attention to enjoy the present joy of talking to him. And so God gave me a very sobering reminder that I have fallen for the very traps sin and the devil has laid for me.
In the same fashion, I believe God longs for us to enjoy the present moment of walking with Him. When we waste too much time wishing that things were like the good old days when we were young and full of passion for Him, or when we spend the energies worrying about what the future holds, God is looking gently at us and say, "My child, I am here in the now."
I have become convicted lately that that is what Sabbath is about and what Sabbath does. Sabbath forces me to stop working and stop worrying and to take time to smell the roses (or Lilies & Jasmines which I very much prefer ;p). Sabbath forces us to rethink what time really means and how the present (a gift from God, pun intended ;p) is to be lived. Sabbath
May the Lord give us present grace to live the present life in a pleasant way for His eternal glory.
Steven Curtis Chapman - Miracle Of The Moment
From the album This Moment (Dear, thanks for the very lovely gift - It's a CD that has blessed me tremendously)
It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
‘Cause we don’t have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
Chorus:
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment
There’s only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat
Some glimpses of the special moments...
Awe-inspiring Grand Canyon that makes you feel the vastness of God's world
Serving the homeless together joyfully
Unforgettable ice-skating at Central Park when I saw real snow in flakes for the first time
Sweet fellowship with my spiritual parents
Niagara Falls - the place & time where every moment onwards is now different & wonderful
Since returning from the States, I really took a while to recover emotionally and come to terms with being back. The whole hurry of life flooded in and almost drowned me. Something I was not used to, at least not during the 3 weeks of traveling and enjoying the time spent with someone and people I love. But it got progressively difficult when I struggled a lot with missing him. It got me started on my "countdown to Nelson's return" program. Still later, it became rather unhealthy. It made me upset every other time we talk that he is miles away, living in a different time zone and basically not physically present when I needed him to be. That was probably the start of things becoming emotionally challenging.
I resented the fact that we have to live with this time apart. Every bit of my rational mind tells me this is good and God has ordained a time as this to strengthen us. But every bit of my heart scorns at that and wish that it did not have to be so difficult. So much of my thoughts of the relationship centered around the past (the times we enjoyed at the States) and the future (when he eventually returns). But it was not long before God had to stop me and made me rethink.
One was through the untimely death of an uncle of mine. He has been suffering for depression for years and just during Chinese New Year, he took his life. I was rather shakened by it and I remember crying as I was telling Nel about yet another person I know who has entered into a Christless eternity. I thought a lot about why I did not seize the opportunities that I had to talk to him or just to show him some care. I thought about how I took him for granted and just somehow expected him to do well. I thought again about the meaning of carpe diem. I wished I had known better what to do with the TIME I had with him.
Another was the excellent movie "The curious case of Benjamin Buttons". To avoid being a spoiler, it shall suffice to say that it made me think about time and the preciousness of the present moment. Even if time really can be turned back and we really can grow younger, it does not change the truth that we still live in the present moment and we live it to its best, to seize the day.
And that reminded me of the wise words of CS Lewis that left such an impression in my life.
"The humans live in time but our Enemy destines them to eternity. He therefore, I believe, wants them to attend chiefly to two things, to eternity itself, and to that point of time which they call the Present. For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity. Of the present moment, and of it only, humans have an experience analogous to the experience which our Enemy has of reality as a whole; in it alone freedom and actuality are offered them. He would therefore have them continually concerned either with eternity (which means being concerned with Him) or with the Present-either meditating on their eternal union with, or separation from, Himself, or else obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure.
Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human (say a widow or a scholar) to live in the Past. But this is of limited value, for they have some real knowledge of the past and it has a determinate nature and, to that extent, resembles eternity. It is far better to make them live in the Future. Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities. In a word, the Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity. It is the most completely temporal part of time-for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays. Hence the encouragement we have given to all those schemes of thought such as Creative Evolution, Scientific Humanism, or
Communism, which fix men's affections on the Future, on the very core of temporality. Hence nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead. Do not think lust an exception. When the present pleasure arrives, the sin (which alone interests us) is already over. The pleasure is just the part of the process which we regret and would exclude if we could do so without losing the sin; it is the part contributed by the Enemy, and therefore experienced in a Present. The sin, which is our contribution, looked forward."
- CS Lewis, Screwtape Letters (context: Of a senior devil counseling his junior nephew devil how to deal with his human object)
Indeed, how true it is that the Past and the Future ever so often cripples us or distracts us. And when I choose to spend my present moment living in the past or worrying or pining for the future, it is one precious moment wasted on what has no value. In the same degree, all my energy spent on missing the days past and yearning for the days to come means there is little of me left to enjoy the present moment with the one I love. He no longer has all of my heart and attention to enjoy the present joy of talking to him. And so God gave me a very sobering reminder that I have fallen for the very traps sin and the devil has laid for me.
In the same fashion, I believe God longs for us to enjoy the present moment of walking with Him. When we waste too much time wishing that things were like the good old days when we were young and full of passion for Him, or when we spend the energies worrying about what the future holds, God is looking gently at us and say, "My child, I am here in the now."
I have become convicted lately that that is what Sabbath is about and what Sabbath does. Sabbath forces me to stop working and stop worrying and to take time to smell the roses (or Lilies & Jasmines which I very much prefer ;p). Sabbath forces us to rethink what time really means and how the present (a gift from God, pun intended ;p) is to be lived. Sabbath
May the Lord give us present grace to live the present life in a pleasant way for His eternal glory.
Click to viewSteven Curtis Chapman - Miracle Of The Moment
From the album This Moment (Dear, thanks for the very lovely gift - It's a CD that has blessed me tremendously)
It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
‘Cause we don’t have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
Chorus:
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment
There’s only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat
Some glimpses of the special moments...
Awe-inspiring Grand Canyon that makes you feel the vastness of God's world
Serving the homeless together joyfully
Unforgettable ice-skating at Central Park when I saw real snow in flakes for the first time
Sweet fellowship with my spiritual parents
Niagara Falls - the place & time where every moment onwards is now different & wonderful