Battleship -- Lotrips -- PG-13 -- OB/VM
Title: Battleship
Author: Chevauchée [renjenri]
Fandom: LotR RPS
Pairing: Orlando Bloom/Viggo Mortensen, Elijah Wood POV
Summary: Everyone knew that Viggo and Orlando had fought. Elijah just knew better than most.
Rating: PG-13 (profanity. and lots of it)
Disclaimer: Dunno if Elijah likes to sit in the corner. Viggo neither. Orlando may be a much better shot than I give him credit for being. In short, I don't know them and this never happened.
Distribution: The Opposite of Chivalry
Feedback: Feel free.
Notes: Franticly written in 56 minutes, followed by a 20 minute argument with my beta and a search for what one of the size doubles was named, for the contrelamontre 'couple from outside' challenge. Thanks to Lori (who was right) for beta. Written cause I owe Regret something happy.
Everyone knew that Viggo and Orlando had fought.
Elijah just knew better than most, since he'd had the misfortune of wearing his cup of coffee three days ago. His very hot cup of coffee. All over his costume. Ngila had not been happy with him or with Orlando, who'd slammed into him and caused the spill. Also, there had been grass stains on his ass. She wasn't as worried about those as she was trying to get the coffee out of his shirt while keeping it properly dirty. He wasn't sure when he was going to be out of the dog house with her and was seriously considering flowers and chocolate to save him from her further wrath.
His stomach was still a little tender, when he thought about it.
Of course, neither of them were talking, which really ruined it for everyone. Where was the fun in that? Wasn't there a rule that someone in the couple had to spill the beans so that said beans could be shared with all and sundry? Bad form, really.
In the lack of actual confirmation, two things promptly happened. The first, everyone was speculating about what had caused the argument. That was expected.
The betting pool was a little out of the ordinary, though.
$500, in New Zealand dollars, of course. $500 gave you an option on one of three choices... Orlando would make the overture (Billy'd scoffed at the word overture, but had no better word to use), Viggo would, or it was over. No one had really wanted to bet on the third, but it was still there.
Elijah had put his $500 on Orlando and thought Orlando had better make him a winner. He owed him, after knocking him on his ass. That was still sore, too.
When they had gotten to the pub, everyone had made for their usual table, a long half-booth sort of thing along the wall, with chairs on the other side of a row of two person tables. Elijah had gotten there first and nicked the corner of the bench, which not only let him lean against the wall, but also gave him a great view of the pub.
The pub where Viggo and Orlando would have their first social interaction (Billy'd scoffed at that too and said it'd be the first time they'd be out together while not at work, which had made Dom go "Yeah, social interaction") since the fight. Bean was in charge of getting Viggo there and Liv had volunteered to take Orlando. Well, more that she'd said she would bitch at him until he gave her a ride. Bean'd bargained down his contribution to the pool to $400, in return for getting Viggo to come, and Liv had promptly demanded the same thing. So, Bean, $400, on Viggo, and Liv, $400, on Orlando. A whispered conference at lunch had decided that they weren't allowed to actively prod their chosen horses (on that one, the other Sean had snorted, but he hadn't had anything better to use either) in a particular direction. Of course, if their horses decided to open up and share what had started the mess, they were under strict orders to share with the class.
Liv came in looking like she wanted to beat Orlando and threw herself on the bench between Elijah and Astin. Dom checked to make sure Orlando wasn't paying attention (he wasn't, he was quite focused on his shot glass) before he asked, "Well?"
"He's a fucking asshole."
"Yes, dear, we know this. But did he say anything about why..." Billy, who tried to look casual and ended up looking like a gossiping housewife.
"Not a word. He bitched about filming, he bitched that his back hurt, he bitched about the weather, he bitched that the world was round. Everything but what got him and Vig so mad." Liv sighed, twisted her hair around a slender finger. "Guys, he's seriously pissed. I don't know what it was that started it, but he's... I don't know, this may be something bigger than they can make up." She was chewing her lipstick off.
"Shit." That was Astin. Elijah agreed. He chewed on a nail.
"What do we do?" Dom said after he checked that the coast was still clear (was that Orlando's third shot or fourth?).
"Can we... I don't know, is there anything we can do? I mean, they won't tell us anything and..." Elijah didn't have to say that by the time either of them started to talk, it might be too late.
Billy might have said something, but when he went to speak, a pint slammed down on his left, and Orlando pulled the chair from the next table over. He glared at them.
"Hey, Orlando," Astin said, and the glare focused on him.
They tried to carry on a normal conversation for a while, but Orlando's glower made everything said fall flat. Dom and Billy finally dragged him off to the nearest of the three pool tables.
That was when Bean and Viggo came in. Viggo promptly went to one of the little round tables on the far side of the pub. Bean went to the bar before he came to their corner, a glass in each hand.
"I should get hazard pay for a duty like this."
"I take it Viggo's no friendlier than Orlando was?" Liv asked, still worrying her hair.
"He didn't say anything. Not a word on the ride here. I considered pulling over and throttling him."
"Lucky you. Orlando did nothing but complain the whole time. And no, he didn't say what started it."
"Damn. I'm going to go back to our dour king." Bean saluted with one of the glasses and headed over to Viggo's corner.
"Well, that sucks," Elijah said around a hangnail on his left index finger. The right hand had been demolished already.
When he saw Orlando was playing to an audience of one, he almost laughed out loud he was so relieved. No one needed to arch quite that much to make a shot and his ass was pointed towards Viggo. Instead, he elbowed Liv, who elbowed Sean. Sean's $500 was on Viggo and he took this as a sign that Orlando would tempt Viggo into making the overture (and yeah, that word was stupid, but Elijah couldn't think of anything better either). Liv and Elijah both thought that this meant he was closer to breaking and making his own.
Half a glass later, he noticed it. It had been happening since the fight, this little pas de deux they had, where they were around each other and yet refusing to acknowledge the other unless they had to for a scene. But always within the other's line of sight. Now with them in one large and rather square room, it was very clear.
It wasn't a pas de deux at all. It was Battleship. The two destroyers were circling.
Viggo left A1, his corner seat, when Orlando took a shot that made him face the room, and went to the bar for another round. G1 to Orlando's H10.
When Viggo returned to A1, Orlando waited for his turn at G8, not quite in profile to Viggo, and ran his hand down his cue in a manner that could make a man think of other things. It did Elijah, anyway, and he wasn't fucking Orlando, so he thought Viggo would have to think the same thing. Viggo came over to their table at last and greeted them, leaning on Billy's chair. J2, and a bit of an artful lean by Viggo.
It was very hard for Elijah not to laugh while talking to Viggo.
When he returned again to A1, Elijah lost it. Liv, now in Dom's seat, leaned across the table and smacked him. "What the hell is with you, 'Lij?" It took him several minutes to explain the concept to her and Sean, but when he did, they laughed too. Liv turned the chair so its back was against the wall. They all played, calling positions.
Bean took Viggo to the pool table next to the one Orlando, Billy and Dom were playing at (Liv thought that this might disqualify him, but Sean told her that there was no foul in playing pool). Viggo, D9, and not unwilling.
Orlando made a ridiculous stretch for a shot, almost lying on the table. H10, and didn't make the shot.
Viggo made several shots, E7, F8, F10. He wasn't quite as blatant as Orlando. He was damn close though. Elijah thought of girls who leaned over and showed cleavage to get an advantage at a game of pool and snickered. Sean asked what was so funny and Liv hit him again when he explained.
Orlando was still waiting his turn, leaning against the wall, head tipped back, hand loosely around his cue. G10, but he was almost in F10. They argued a bit before deciding he was still at his table and not Viggo's, thus it was still G10.
Viggo had surrendered the table to Bean, who was having quite the run of luck, so Viggo went to the bar for more drinks. E7 to E1, and Liv declared his walk deadly.
A brief cheer from I9, where Dom had apparently won the game. Orlando to the bathroom, G10 to J10. Liv proclaimed Orlando's walk equally deadly.
Viggo went back to his table and laughed at something Bean said, carefully in sight line of the door to the bathroom. D7.
Liv grinned and Elijah was a little afraid of the look in her eyes. She got up and grabbed Orlando at I10, pulled him briefly to the pool table, said something to Billy and Dom, then pulled Orlando onto the small dance floor. Orlando, G4, and who knew his hips could do that?
Viggo dropped his poker face in favor of a glower that would do Orlando proud as he leaned to make another shot, D8. Sean was grinning and Elijah tried to convert how much $500 NZD was in real dollars. About $260, if he remembered right.
Liv, back at their table, J1, grinning and flushed while Orlando was at the bar, H1. He came over, smiling a bit himself, and sat at the empty chair, J2. Elijah allowed appropriate small talk to go for several minutes before he blurted out, "You could go over there, you know." He didn't say to talk to Viggo, because that would have been encouraging his horse, and they'd agreed that wasn't allowed. He could have meant back to playing pool with Billy and Dom, after all. Perfectly legal.
Orlando laughed. "Yeah, I could." And Elijah's $500 destroyer went from J2 to... Bean, F9. (The hell?) Then Orlando moved around the table, D7, where Viggo was and leaned close to Viggo's ear. Whatever he said, Viggo smiled and laughed, let Orlando lead him over to their table, J2 again, with Billy, Dom and Bean following behind. "Think you can find a ride home, Liv?"
She laughed and said, "I think I can manage. I take it Gondor and Mirkwood have made a treaty?"
They looked at each other and everyone held their breath.
"A treaty, yes." Everyone sighed in relief. Okay, no, they hadn't fixed whatever had started this, but it looked like they were on their way. "If you'll excuse us?" Viggo said, still looking at Orlando.
"Yes!" They chorused.
They were silent for a few minutes as Orlando and Viggo walked out, no longer touching, but still close.
"Wonder what caused the fight anyway?" Liv mused.
"Think they'll ever tell us?" Billy, a pleased winner.
"Doubt it. If they wouldn't tell us during, when they were still all hot at each other, why would they tell us now?" Bean, looking a bit sour at his loss.
"True. Man, are John and Ian gonna be pissed or what?" Elijah thought it was rather nice to have beat Ian.
"Never mind them. I'm just afraid of what will happen when BK finds out that Viggo lost him $500," Dom was grinning, probably at the thought of seeing BK yell at Viggo. "Ngila too."
"Poor Viggo," Liv giggled. "If he only knew what he was in for on Monday."
"Hey, when do I get my money?" Elijah couldn't help himself, his horse had come through for him and he was looking forward to his share of the pot.
"Monday, probably. I left it all at home so I wouldn't spend it," Dom had organized the pool and looked quite proud of himself.
"I can't believe Viggo didn't say something first." Astin, looking decidedly put out.
"Haven't you heard, mate? Never bet against the house." Dom's money had been on Orlando all along.
Author: Chevauchée [renjenri]
Fandom: LotR RPS
Pairing: Orlando Bloom/Viggo Mortensen, Elijah Wood POV
Summary: Everyone knew that Viggo and Orlando had fought. Elijah just knew better than most.
Rating: PG-13 (profanity. and lots of it)
Disclaimer: Dunno if Elijah likes to sit in the corner. Viggo neither. Orlando may be a much better shot than I give him credit for being. In short, I don't know them and this never happened.
Distribution: The Opposite of Chivalry
Feedback: Feel free.
Notes: Franticly written in 56 minutes, followed by a 20 minute argument with my beta and a search for what one of the size doubles was named, for the contrelamontre 'couple from outside' challenge. Thanks to Lori (who was right) for beta. Written cause I owe Regret something happy.
Everyone knew that Viggo and Orlando had fought.
Elijah just knew better than most, since he'd had the misfortune of wearing his cup of coffee three days ago. His very hot cup of coffee. All over his costume. Ngila had not been happy with him or with Orlando, who'd slammed into him and caused the spill. Also, there had been grass stains on his ass. She wasn't as worried about those as she was trying to get the coffee out of his shirt while keeping it properly dirty. He wasn't sure when he was going to be out of the dog house with her and was seriously considering flowers and chocolate to save him from her further wrath.
His stomach was still a little tender, when he thought about it.
Of course, neither of them were talking, which really ruined it for everyone. Where was the fun in that? Wasn't there a rule that someone in the couple had to spill the beans so that said beans could be shared with all and sundry? Bad form, really.
In the lack of actual confirmation, two things promptly happened. The first, everyone was speculating about what had caused the argument. That was expected.
The betting pool was a little out of the ordinary, though.
$500, in New Zealand dollars, of course. $500 gave you an option on one of three choices... Orlando would make the overture (Billy'd scoffed at the word overture, but had no better word to use), Viggo would, or it was over. No one had really wanted to bet on the third, but it was still there.
Elijah had put his $500 on Orlando and thought Orlando had better make him a winner. He owed him, after knocking him on his ass. That was still sore, too.
When they had gotten to the pub, everyone had made for their usual table, a long half-booth sort of thing along the wall, with chairs on the other side of a row of two person tables. Elijah had gotten there first and nicked the corner of the bench, which not only let him lean against the wall, but also gave him a great view of the pub.
The pub where Viggo and Orlando would have their first social interaction (Billy'd scoffed at that too and said it'd be the first time they'd be out together while not at work, which had made Dom go "Yeah, social interaction") since the fight. Bean was in charge of getting Viggo there and Liv had volunteered to take Orlando. Well, more that she'd said she would bitch at him until he gave her a ride. Bean'd bargained down his contribution to the pool to $400, in return for getting Viggo to come, and Liv had promptly demanded the same thing. So, Bean, $400, on Viggo, and Liv, $400, on Orlando. A whispered conference at lunch had decided that they weren't allowed to actively prod their chosen horses (on that one, the other Sean had snorted, but he hadn't had anything better to use either) in a particular direction. Of course, if their horses decided to open up and share what had started the mess, they were under strict orders to share with the class.
Liv came in looking like she wanted to beat Orlando and threw herself on the bench between Elijah and Astin. Dom checked to make sure Orlando wasn't paying attention (he wasn't, he was quite focused on his shot glass) before he asked, "Well?"
"He's a fucking asshole."
"Yes, dear, we know this. But did he say anything about why..." Billy, who tried to look casual and ended up looking like a gossiping housewife.
"Not a word. He bitched about filming, he bitched that his back hurt, he bitched about the weather, he bitched that the world was round. Everything but what got him and Vig so mad." Liv sighed, twisted her hair around a slender finger. "Guys, he's seriously pissed. I don't know what it was that started it, but he's... I don't know, this may be something bigger than they can make up." She was chewing her lipstick off.
"Shit." That was Astin. Elijah agreed. He chewed on a nail.
"What do we do?" Dom said after he checked that the coast was still clear (was that Orlando's third shot or fourth?).
"Can we... I don't know, is there anything we can do? I mean, they won't tell us anything and..." Elijah didn't have to say that by the time either of them started to talk, it might be too late.
Billy might have said something, but when he went to speak, a pint slammed down on his left, and Orlando pulled the chair from the next table over. He glared at them.
"Hey, Orlando," Astin said, and the glare focused on him.
They tried to carry on a normal conversation for a while, but Orlando's glower made everything said fall flat. Dom and Billy finally dragged him off to the nearest of the three pool tables.
That was when Bean and Viggo came in. Viggo promptly went to one of the little round tables on the far side of the pub. Bean went to the bar before he came to their corner, a glass in each hand.
"I should get hazard pay for a duty like this."
"I take it Viggo's no friendlier than Orlando was?" Liv asked, still worrying her hair.
"He didn't say anything. Not a word on the ride here. I considered pulling over and throttling him."
"Lucky you. Orlando did nothing but complain the whole time. And no, he didn't say what started it."
"Damn. I'm going to go back to our dour king." Bean saluted with one of the glasses and headed over to Viggo's corner.
"Well, that sucks," Elijah said around a hangnail on his left index finger. The right hand had been demolished already.
When he saw Orlando was playing to an audience of one, he almost laughed out loud he was so relieved. No one needed to arch quite that much to make a shot and his ass was pointed towards Viggo. Instead, he elbowed Liv, who elbowed Sean. Sean's $500 was on Viggo and he took this as a sign that Orlando would tempt Viggo into making the overture (and yeah, that word was stupid, but Elijah couldn't think of anything better either). Liv and Elijah both thought that this meant he was closer to breaking and making his own.
Half a glass later, he noticed it. It had been happening since the fight, this little pas de deux they had, where they were around each other and yet refusing to acknowledge the other unless they had to for a scene. But always within the other's line of sight. Now with them in one large and rather square room, it was very clear.
It wasn't a pas de deux at all. It was Battleship. The two destroyers were circling.
Viggo left A1, his corner seat, when Orlando took a shot that made him face the room, and went to the bar for another round. G1 to Orlando's H10.
When Viggo returned to A1, Orlando waited for his turn at G8, not quite in profile to Viggo, and ran his hand down his cue in a manner that could make a man think of other things. It did Elijah, anyway, and he wasn't fucking Orlando, so he thought Viggo would have to think the same thing. Viggo came over to their table at last and greeted them, leaning on Billy's chair. J2, and a bit of an artful lean by Viggo.
It was very hard for Elijah not to laugh while talking to Viggo.
When he returned again to A1, Elijah lost it. Liv, now in Dom's seat, leaned across the table and smacked him. "What the hell is with you, 'Lij?" It took him several minutes to explain the concept to her and Sean, but when he did, they laughed too. Liv turned the chair so its back was against the wall. They all played, calling positions.
Bean took Viggo to the pool table next to the one Orlando, Billy and Dom were playing at (Liv thought that this might disqualify him, but Sean told her that there was no foul in playing pool). Viggo, D9, and not unwilling.
Orlando made a ridiculous stretch for a shot, almost lying on the table. H10, and didn't make the shot.
Viggo made several shots, E7, F8, F10. He wasn't quite as blatant as Orlando. He was damn close though. Elijah thought of girls who leaned over and showed cleavage to get an advantage at a game of pool and snickered. Sean asked what was so funny and Liv hit him again when he explained.
Orlando was still waiting his turn, leaning against the wall, head tipped back, hand loosely around his cue. G10, but he was almost in F10. They argued a bit before deciding he was still at his table and not Viggo's, thus it was still G10.
Viggo had surrendered the table to Bean, who was having quite the run of luck, so Viggo went to the bar for more drinks. E7 to E1, and Liv declared his walk deadly.
A brief cheer from I9, where Dom had apparently won the game. Orlando to the bathroom, G10 to J10. Liv proclaimed Orlando's walk equally deadly.
Viggo went back to his table and laughed at something Bean said, carefully in sight line of the door to the bathroom. D7.
Liv grinned and Elijah was a little afraid of the look in her eyes. She got up and grabbed Orlando at I10, pulled him briefly to the pool table, said something to Billy and Dom, then pulled Orlando onto the small dance floor. Orlando, G4, and who knew his hips could do that?
Viggo dropped his poker face in favor of a glower that would do Orlando proud as he leaned to make another shot, D8. Sean was grinning and Elijah tried to convert how much $500 NZD was in real dollars. About $260, if he remembered right.
Liv, back at their table, J1, grinning and flushed while Orlando was at the bar, H1. He came over, smiling a bit himself, and sat at the empty chair, J2. Elijah allowed appropriate small talk to go for several minutes before he blurted out, "You could go over there, you know." He didn't say to talk to Viggo, because that would have been encouraging his horse, and they'd agreed that wasn't allowed. He could have meant back to playing pool with Billy and Dom, after all. Perfectly legal.
Orlando laughed. "Yeah, I could." And Elijah's $500 destroyer went from J2 to... Bean, F9. (The hell?) Then Orlando moved around the table, D7, where Viggo was and leaned close to Viggo's ear. Whatever he said, Viggo smiled and laughed, let Orlando lead him over to their table, J2 again, with Billy, Dom and Bean following behind. "Think you can find a ride home, Liv?"
She laughed and said, "I think I can manage. I take it Gondor and Mirkwood have made a treaty?"
They looked at each other and everyone held their breath.
"A treaty, yes." Everyone sighed in relief. Okay, no, they hadn't fixed whatever had started this, but it looked like they were on their way. "If you'll excuse us?" Viggo said, still looking at Orlando.
"Yes!" They chorused.
They were silent for a few minutes as Orlando and Viggo walked out, no longer touching, but still close.
"Wonder what caused the fight anyway?" Liv mused.
"Think they'll ever tell us?" Billy, a pleased winner.
"Doubt it. If they wouldn't tell us during, when they were still all hot at each other, why would they tell us now?" Bean, looking a bit sour at his loss.
"True. Man, are John and Ian gonna be pissed or what?" Elijah thought it was rather nice to have beat Ian.
"Never mind them. I'm just afraid of what will happen when BK finds out that Viggo lost him $500," Dom was grinning, probably at the thought of seeing BK yell at Viggo. "Ngila too."
"Poor Viggo," Liv giggled. "If he only knew what he was in for on Monday."
"Hey, when do I get my money?" Elijah couldn't help himself, his horse had come through for him and he was looking forward to his share of the pot.
"Monday, probably. I left it all at home so I wouldn't spend it," Dom had organized the pool and looked quite proud of himself.
"I can't believe Viggo didn't say something first." Astin, looking decidedly put out.
"Haven't you heard, mate? Never bet against the house." Dom's money had been on Orlando all along.