Who pays the price?
Title: Captive Released
Fandom: LOTR RPS
Rating: PG / R - Language
Pairing: OB/SB
Disclaimer: Like I really know anything, about anybody... Lies, all lies!! No harm meant!!
Summary: Orli tries to explain
First part located here:
Part 1
***
Orlando almost jumped when Viggo’s voice cut through the silence of the room.
“I’m out of here. Fuck both of you.”
Orlando watched as Viggo scrubbed a hand across his face and strode from the room, slamming the door behind him.
“I couldn’t breath, couldn’t think.” Sean said in a shaky voice. “I felt trapped, just fucking trapped. I thought I was going to suffocate”
Orlando squeezed his eyes shut and then opening them shuffled forward on his knees, put his arms around Sean and said, “I know baby, trust me, I know.”
***
They stayed like that as the seconds drained into minutes, Sean with his head lowered taking deep breathes and Orlando next to him with his arms around him, taking slow shallow breathes.
Sean lifted his head and without turning to look at Orlando said, “Do you love him? Do you love me?”
“No.”
Sean whipped his head around and tried to pull away from the younger man.
“Sean! Wait, I wasn’t - I can’t think. Fuck. One question at a time, okay? Let’s just do this one at a time.”
He saw Sean relax slightly and settle back on his heels on the floor next to Orlando.
“Do you love Viggo?”
“No. I mean no more than I love any of the rest of the guys; Bills, Lij, Dom, Liv, any of them, I love them like friends, like family.”
Sean nodded slowly, “Orli, do you love me? Did you love me, ever? Do you still love me? Are you leaving me?” Sean’s voice had risen; he snapped his mouth shut and flexed his hands, refusing to look in Orlando’s direction.
“That’s more than one question, baby.” Orlando tried for a light teasing voice, but the tension made it come out sounding strained and rusty. He cleared his throat and tried again, “I’m not sure how to answer any of those.”
“Orlando, I am really trying here. I want to understand what is going on, but you aren’t telling me anything. I keep waiting for a hobbit to jump out of the closet and yell ‘surprise’ or you to start laughing and explain that it was all some elaborate prank. But for the fuck of me, I don’t see that happening. Now, I don’t want to play twenty questions. All I want is to know what the hell this is all about, because everything is hanging here, right this second. You either start making sense or I need to leave, because this is killing me and right now, drinking myself to death seems a far easier way to go.”
Orlando looked down at his hands that were clenched in his lap. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, this wasn’t going to be easy, but he owed Sean some sort of explanation.
“Sean, where do you see this heading, I mean us?”
Sean spoke, saying, “I guess I thought that this was it, I thought that I finally found someone that I could stay with forever. I thought we were both in this for the long run. I mean, our friends know about us, most of our families know. It just - I just - “ he trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair before continuing, “Orli, I love you and was - am willing to make a commitment to you, I thought that’s what you wanted too.”
“Sean, I am twenty-four years old, I can barely commit to lunch. I mean, this has been great; sex with you is so fucking good - and - ”
Before Orlando could finish Sean reacted as if he had been slapped, his head swung back and his eyes flew open wide, through clenched teeth he said, “You bastard. Have you just been playing me? All those time you told me you loved me, you said that this was where you belonged. You let me make plans, and think about a future with you, and all it’s been to you is a good fuck?”
Orlando looked away and chewed on his lip for a minute. He knew that he wasn’t handling this the right way. He sat in silence for a minute looking down at his hands, he didn’t know if Sean was looking at him or not, but he hoped that he wasn’t, it seemed easier to say what was on his mind if he didn’t think that those beautiful deep green eyes were looking at him.
“I am wanted by everyone. Do you know how bizarre that is? Men, women, everybody, they all want me. My picture is everywhere. I could have anybody. Even here, there isn’t one person that I couldn’t have. Hell, Astin would probably tumble for me if I put a little effort into it. Elijah and Dom are like fucking bunnies, all I would have to do is twitch and they’d drop their trousers. And Viggo.” Orlando stopped and took a breath. He felt the other man tense beside him.
“Viggo. He is completely and totally straight, a real ladies man. You know? Never even thought about being with a guy, but it didn’t take me thirty minutes to have him wanting me, begging me to touch him. I would have sucked his cock and he probably would have let me fuck him, right here, just because - well, just because. He’s your best mate, he thinks of you like a brother, but he’d have let me take him, knowing that you love me, that we’re together. He would have risked your friendship to have me. Any of them would, and I wouldn’t have to do anything but smile.”
His voice cracked and he lowered his head to his knees. He felt Sean put his hand on his back and rub in slow circles. He could feel the heat of Sean’s palm through his shirt and he concentrated on the feel of the hand making a pattern of comfort across his back and didn’t think about what Sean might be thinking, or what he might say next.
Orlando felt his hand stop its circuit across his skin and then Sean spoke.
“Orli, is this what you want? Screwing around with whatever moves, fucking people just because you can? Because if it is I would like to say that I would wait for you, wait until you get it out of your system, but I’m not sure that I would. You may be young, but you aren’t a kid, you know what you want out of life, you know what is important to you. I don’t think that I want to become the type of person that will wait around to be second best, or last choice. So, it’s all up to you, do we try and get past this and figure out what our future holds, or do we shake hands and end it? You’re worth a lot to me, and I do love you, probably more than I should have allowed myself to, but this has to be your decision. I’ll not beg but I also won’t spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re behind every door I open, on your knees just to see if you can make someone want you.”
Orlando felt Sean remove his arm hand from his back and rising to stand say quietly, “Right now I need to go find Viggo. He and I have to talk. You had no right to do this to him and I only hope that he’ll forgive me for allowing myself to be manipulated by you and attacking him like I did. That was bad form Orli, and you know it. The first rule should always be that you don’t hurt your friends.”
“Is it over, us I mean?” Orlando’s voice was quiet when he spoke, head still down against his knees.
“I told you Orlando, I don’t think that decision is mine. I can tell you that I won’t leave you because you made a pass at Viggo, mainly because I don’t think it was a real pass. I think that you knew I was here, that you wanted to get caught, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why you thought that this was the way to go about this. It appears that you have a lot of thinking to do, but if you are so enamored of your power to seduce, maybe you need to go enjoy that.
Sean took a deep breath and continued, “I won’t try to stop you; I don’t think that I could even if I wanted to. I don’t know if it means anything to you, but I love you for you. Not because you are a pretty boy, or a rising star, just because you are you. I love the smile that I see in the mornings when you’re half awake and snuggled into the pillow, the way you never seem to be able to cook anything without burning it, the way you can sleep anywhere, curled up like a puppy. Most of all though, I love the amazing way that you don’t back down from any challenge, you are one of the bravest men that I have ever known. You take my breath away every time that you look at me. I can’t begin to understand how I got so lucky to have someone as smart, funny, head strong, lovely, aggravating, fun and crazy wander into my life, even if it turns out to be for just this short amount of time. You have made me happy and I love you, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t let you go, if that’s what you want.”
Orlando raised his head enough to be able to see Sean’s feet moving toward the door. “I keep thinking that I really don’t deserve any of this.”
Sean stopped. Orlando saw his feet turn back toward him. “What?”
“Nobody gets this lucky without having to sacrifice something. This movie, the other offers, meeting everybody and making these friends, and then you. I keep wondering what am I going to have to pay to be able to deserve all of this? I guess I know now, huh? I pay by losing it all again, by just being stupid and not really deserving it.”
“Orlando, you deserve so much more than you could ever know.” Sean stood next to him. “I don’t know how to convince you that you are worth more than just your face or body. Maybe it’s partly my fault, I didn’t give you much choice when I decided that I wanted you, I should have thought about what you needed, what you wanted. I’ve always had a problem with being selfish, and selfish I was, when I first saw you.” Sean laughed nervously, sighed a deep breath and then continued, “I guess I’m no better than all the rest of them, am I? One more person wanting you and not thinking about what you might want or need.”
Orlando said quietly, “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Maybe ought to have thought about that before you tried to blow my best friend.”
Orlando’s head snapped up and he looked at Sean expecting to see the hurt and anger that he deserved, but instead there was a calm, speculative look on his beautiful face.
“Wha - What?” stammered Orlando.
“Seems something you might have considered.” Sean said with a shrug and turned toward the door.
“I love you.” Orlando said in a rush.
“Something else you might want to have took into consideration.” Sean said as he moved toward the door, sighing he continued, “I am going to go find Vig. Then I’m going home. If you want to work this out, come home. If not, well, I’ll deal with that. Either way, you need to do what will make you happy. Life is too short.”
With that Sean walked out of the room, leaving Orlando sitting on the floor staring after him.
***
‘I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I was intended to be.’ Douglas Adams
...’Drink wine, it's what remains of the harvest of youth - the season of roses and wine and drunken friends. Be happy for a moment, that moment's your life...’ Omar Khayyam
‘And I shall not be dark but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth. All shall love me and despair!' Galadriel - LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring
Fandom: LOTR RPS
Rating: PG / R - Language
Pairing: OB/SB
Disclaimer: Like I really know anything, about anybody... Lies, all lies!! No harm meant!!
Summary: Orli tries to explain
First part located here:
Part 1
***
Orlando almost jumped when Viggo’s voice cut through the silence of the room.
“I’m out of here. Fuck both of you.”
Orlando watched as Viggo scrubbed a hand across his face and strode from the room, slamming the door behind him.
“I couldn’t breath, couldn’t think.” Sean said in a shaky voice. “I felt trapped, just fucking trapped. I thought I was going to suffocate”
Orlando squeezed his eyes shut and then opening them shuffled forward on his knees, put his arms around Sean and said, “I know baby, trust me, I know.”
***
They stayed like that as the seconds drained into minutes, Sean with his head lowered taking deep breathes and Orlando next to him with his arms around him, taking slow shallow breathes.
Sean lifted his head and without turning to look at Orlando said, “Do you love him? Do you love me?”
“No.”
Sean whipped his head around and tried to pull away from the younger man.
“Sean! Wait, I wasn’t - I can’t think. Fuck. One question at a time, okay? Let’s just do this one at a time.”
He saw Sean relax slightly and settle back on his heels on the floor next to Orlando.
“Do you love Viggo?”
“No. I mean no more than I love any of the rest of the guys; Bills, Lij, Dom, Liv, any of them, I love them like friends, like family.”
Sean nodded slowly, “Orli, do you love me? Did you love me, ever? Do you still love me? Are you leaving me?” Sean’s voice had risen; he snapped his mouth shut and flexed his hands, refusing to look in Orlando’s direction.
“That’s more than one question, baby.” Orlando tried for a light teasing voice, but the tension made it come out sounding strained and rusty. He cleared his throat and tried again, “I’m not sure how to answer any of those.”
“Orlando, I am really trying here. I want to understand what is going on, but you aren’t telling me anything. I keep waiting for a hobbit to jump out of the closet and yell ‘surprise’ or you to start laughing and explain that it was all some elaborate prank. But for the fuck of me, I don’t see that happening. Now, I don’t want to play twenty questions. All I want is to know what the hell this is all about, because everything is hanging here, right this second. You either start making sense or I need to leave, because this is killing me and right now, drinking myself to death seems a far easier way to go.”
Orlando looked down at his hands that were clenched in his lap. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, this wasn’t going to be easy, but he owed Sean some sort of explanation.
“Sean, where do you see this heading, I mean us?”
Sean spoke, saying, “I guess I thought that this was it, I thought that I finally found someone that I could stay with forever. I thought we were both in this for the long run. I mean, our friends know about us, most of our families know. It just - I just - “ he trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair before continuing, “Orli, I love you and was - am willing to make a commitment to you, I thought that’s what you wanted too.”
“Sean, I am twenty-four years old, I can barely commit to lunch. I mean, this has been great; sex with you is so fucking good - and - ”
Before Orlando could finish Sean reacted as if he had been slapped, his head swung back and his eyes flew open wide, through clenched teeth he said, “You bastard. Have you just been playing me? All those time you told me you loved me, you said that this was where you belonged. You let me make plans, and think about a future with you, and all it’s been to you is a good fuck?”
Orlando looked away and chewed on his lip for a minute. He knew that he wasn’t handling this the right way. He sat in silence for a minute looking down at his hands, he didn’t know if Sean was looking at him or not, but he hoped that he wasn’t, it seemed easier to say what was on his mind if he didn’t think that those beautiful deep green eyes were looking at him.
“I am wanted by everyone. Do you know how bizarre that is? Men, women, everybody, they all want me. My picture is everywhere. I could have anybody. Even here, there isn’t one person that I couldn’t have. Hell, Astin would probably tumble for me if I put a little effort into it. Elijah and Dom are like fucking bunnies, all I would have to do is twitch and they’d drop their trousers. And Viggo.” Orlando stopped and took a breath. He felt the other man tense beside him.
“Viggo. He is completely and totally straight, a real ladies man. You know? Never even thought about being with a guy, but it didn’t take me thirty minutes to have him wanting me, begging me to touch him. I would have sucked his cock and he probably would have let me fuck him, right here, just because - well, just because. He’s your best mate, he thinks of you like a brother, but he’d have let me take him, knowing that you love me, that we’re together. He would have risked your friendship to have me. Any of them would, and I wouldn’t have to do anything but smile.”
His voice cracked and he lowered his head to his knees. He felt Sean put his hand on his back and rub in slow circles. He could feel the heat of Sean’s palm through his shirt and he concentrated on the feel of the hand making a pattern of comfort across his back and didn’t think about what Sean might be thinking, or what he might say next.
Orlando felt his hand stop its circuit across his skin and then Sean spoke.
“Orli, is this what you want? Screwing around with whatever moves, fucking people just because you can? Because if it is I would like to say that I would wait for you, wait until you get it out of your system, but I’m not sure that I would. You may be young, but you aren’t a kid, you know what you want out of life, you know what is important to you. I don’t think that I want to become the type of person that will wait around to be second best, or last choice. So, it’s all up to you, do we try and get past this and figure out what our future holds, or do we shake hands and end it? You’re worth a lot to me, and I do love you, probably more than I should have allowed myself to, but this has to be your decision. I’ll not beg but I also won’t spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re behind every door I open, on your knees just to see if you can make someone want you.”
Orlando felt Sean remove his arm hand from his back and rising to stand say quietly, “Right now I need to go find Viggo. He and I have to talk. You had no right to do this to him and I only hope that he’ll forgive me for allowing myself to be manipulated by you and attacking him like I did. That was bad form Orli, and you know it. The first rule should always be that you don’t hurt your friends.”
“Is it over, us I mean?” Orlando’s voice was quiet when he spoke, head still down against his knees.
“I told you Orlando, I don’t think that decision is mine. I can tell you that I won’t leave you because you made a pass at Viggo, mainly because I don’t think it was a real pass. I think that you knew I was here, that you wanted to get caught, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why you thought that this was the way to go about this. It appears that you have a lot of thinking to do, but if you are so enamored of your power to seduce, maybe you need to go enjoy that.
Sean took a deep breath and continued, “I won’t try to stop you; I don’t think that I could even if I wanted to. I don’t know if it means anything to you, but I love you for you. Not because you are a pretty boy, or a rising star, just because you are you. I love the smile that I see in the mornings when you’re half awake and snuggled into the pillow, the way you never seem to be able to cook anything without burning it, the way you can sleep anywhere, curled up like a puppy. Most of all though, I love the amazing way that you don’t back down from any challenge, you are one of the bravest men that I have ever known. You take my breath away every time that you look at me. I can’t begin to understand how I got so lucky to have someone as smart, funny, head strong, lovely, aggravating, fun and crazy wander into my life, even if it turns out to be for just this short amount of time. You have made me happy and I love you, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t let you go, if that’s what you want.”
Orlando raised his head enough to be able to see Sean’s feet moving toward the door. “I keep thinking that I really don’t deserve any of this.”
Sean stopped. Orlando saw his feet turn back toward him. “What?”
“Nobody gets this lucky without having to sacrifice something. This movie, the other offers, meeting everybody and making these friends, and then you. I keep wondering what am I going to have to pay to be able to deserve all of this? I guess I know now, huh? I pay by losing it all again, by just being stupid and not really deserving it.”
“Orlando, you deserve so much more than you could ever know.” Sean stood next to him. “I don’t know how to convince you that you are worth more than just your face or body. Maybe it’s partly my fault, I didn’t give you much choice when I decided that I wanted you, I should have thought about what you needed, what you wanted. I’ve always had a problem with being selfish, and selfish I was, when I first saw you.” Sean laughed nervously, sighed a deep breath and then continued, “I guess I’m no better than all the rest of them, am I? One more person wanting you and not thinking about what you might want or need.”
Orlando said quietly, “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Maybe ought to have thought about that before you tried to blow my best friend.”
Orlando’s head snapped up and he looked at Sean expecting to see the hurt and anger that he deserved, but instead there was a calm, speculative look on his beautiful face.
“Wha - What?” stammered Orlando.
“Seems something you might have considered.” Sean said with a shrug and turned toward the door.
“I love you.” Orlando said in a rush.
“Something else you might want to have took into consideration.” Sean said as he moved toward the door, sighing he continued, “I am going to go find Vig. Then I’m going home. If you want to work this out, come home. If not, well, I’ll deal with that. Either way, you need to do what will make you happy. Life is too short.”
With that Sean walked out of the room, leaving Orlando sitting on the floor staring after him.
***
‘I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I was intended to be.’ Douglas Adams
...’Drink wine, it's what remains of the harvest of youth - the season of roses and wine and drunken friends. Be happy for a moment, that moment's your life...’ Omar Khayyam
‘And I shall not be dark but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth. All shall love me and despair!' Galadriel - LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring