Surprise, Ewan McGregor/Jude Law, PG
Title: Surprise
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Ewan McGregor/Jude Law
Rating: PG - Fluffy
Disclaimer: This is not a real story from the lives of Ewan and Jude. I made it up.
Challenge: Grocery List - yellow objects, animals, mind-altering substances, high heels
Ewan panicked when he heard Jude fiddling with the lock. He quickly shut the door to the bathroom and was standing in the middle of the living room looking guilty when Jude walked in.
"Hi!" Ewan smiled brightly at Jude. Jude raised an eyebrow.
"Hi. What's with you?"
"What do you mean?" Ewan tried to look innocent.
"Just tell me what you've done, Ewan. It's been a long day and I'm rather knackered." Jude collapsed tiredly on the sofa.
"I've not done anything," Ewan began indignantly. "I may have, well, made a decision today that affects us both, but I want you to keep an open mind, that's all. Promise me you will."
Jude groaned. "What is it, Ewan? Just tell me and get it over with."
Ewan frowned. "Don't be like that. You're prejudging already. I knew you'd do that."
"Oh God, it's going to be bad isn't it?"
"No! It's not bad. It's really good, I think. If you'd give it a chance..." Ewan sighed. "Oh, just wait a minute."
Ewan left the room, returning a moment later with one hand behind his back. Jude eyed him suspiciously.
"Well?"
"Well..." Ewan said slowly. "I did the grocery marketing today, just as you asked." Here, Ewan paused to beam at Jude, who merely rolled his eyes and motioned for him to continue. "And anyway, I stopped by this one shop after, and I guess since Easter's coming up there was a window display full of the fluffiest, yellowest little chicks you can imagine - hundreds of them in a bunch, cheeping away. They were adorable, so I just had to watch for a few moments."
Jude sat forward. "Tell me you didn't bring home a bloody chicken."
"No!" Ewan shook his head. "Of course not. What would we do with it when it grew up? Can't have a full grown chicken fluttering about the place. That's just crazy."
Jude look relieved and leaned back again. "Oh. Well, good."
"However..." Jude dropped his face into his hands. Ewan ignored him and continued. "I did go in and have a look 'round, and I just couldn't resist... Jude, if you'd been there..." Ewan slowly brought his arm around and nestled in his hand was a tabby-striped kitten.
"No."
"But Jude..."
"No!"
"But, Jude!"
"Take it back, Ewan. I mean it. Having a pet is a big responsibility."
"We can handle it! I know we can. Please, just give it a chance."
"We?" Jude frowned. "There is no way I'm taking responsibility for it. Changing the litter box, feeding it, picking cat hairs off all my clothes." He groaned. "Do you know how much of my clothing is black? What a nightmare."
Ewan held the kitten up to his face. "You won't get hairs on mean old Jude's poncy clothes, will you? No, you won't. You're just a good little boy, aren't you?" He snuffled his nose against the kitten's.
Jude looked on in disbelief. "You don't even talk that way to me. This is seriously disturbing."
Ewan stuck his tongue out at Jude and wiggled the kitten at him, as he spoke in a high-pitched voice. "Please, Mr. Law, give me a chance. Don't throw me out on the street. I'll be good. You won't even know I'm here. Please. Pleeeeease."
Ewan sat next to Jude on the couch and put the kitten on Jude's lap, which promptly curled up and went to sleep. Jude scowled.
"No, Ewan."
Ewan cajoled. "Please, Jude." He nuzzled against Jude's neck. "I really, really want to keep him. I'll take care of him. I'll do everything. I promise." He placed little kisses along Jude's neck. "See how good he is? He sleeps a lot, and he's really sweet. Please." Ewan snuggled closer.
"Ewan..." Jude still looked grumpy, but Ewan could tell he was softening.
"I'll do anything to convince you." Ewan licked along Jude's ear before biting and pulling gently on his earlobe.
Jude allowed a grudging smile at that. "Anything, huh?"
"Mmhmm." Ewan carefully moved the kitten to the couch cushion and straddled Jude, pulling him in for a kiss.
Jude finally started to relax and was kissing Ewan back eagerly when a sound came from the kitchen. He pulled back.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Ewan tried to kiss him again, but the sounds continued, and Jude glared up at Ewan. Ewan looked panicked.
"Ewan," Jude said warningly. He got up abruptly, dumping Ewan on the floor, and stalking into the kitchen.
"You're fucking kidding me!" Jude's voice carried into the front room. "Ewan!"
Ewan winced and got up, going reluctantly into the kitchen where Jude was standing and pointing.
"Two? Two of them? Unless there are more? Did you buy a baker's dozen? Were they half price if you bought in bulk?" Jude was gesturing wildly, and Ewan kept his distance as he answered him.
"No, it's only the two! I promise. Just listen! They were so cute together, Jude. They needed each other. I couldn't separate them."
Jude dropped his arms and stared in disbelief. "You couldn't separate them," Jude repeated flatly. "Have you gone utterly mad? Since when are you such an animal lover, anyway?"
"Well, this one here, he was stuck in a corner all alone, the rest of the kittens were all playing together, you see."
He paused to gauge Jude's reaction, which was stony-faced silence. "I felt so sorry for it, but then the other one, the one in the living room, he came over and pounced on it, and the two started playing together. It was so adorable. It reminded me of us, you see."
Jude frowned. "Oh, and I can guess which one was supposed to be me. So you think I sulk in corners, do you?"
Ewan sighed exasperatedly. "No, of course not, but I do pounce on you quite a lot, yeah?" Ewan grinned at Jude.
Jude folded his arms across his chest. "You're not convincing me. We've got to take them back, at least one."
Ewan bit his lip. "But Jude, they can keep each other company when we're out, and anyway, you should've seen the bint who wanted to buy this one. I couldn't let little Jude go to her."
"Little Jude? You're not naming that thing after me."
"Yeah, all right. You can name them, if you want. I don't mind." Ewan smiled ingratiatingly. "Anyway, she was a stupid looking tart who seemed very irresponsible. She was wearing fuck-me-pumps at 10:30 A.M. Does this seem like someone who should be taking care of innocent kittens?"
Jude rolled his eyes again. "Ewan, I'm serious..."
Ewan put on his most pathetic expression, widening his eyes, willing them to water a bit, and letting his lower lip stick out just the very slightest bit. "Jude... I'm begging you. For me."
Jude glared. "I hate it when you do that, you manipulative twat." Ewan continued to look crestfallen. Jude sighed, slumping a bit and running his fingers through his hair.
Ewan whooped for joy and threw himself into Jude's arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't be sorry! You'll see!" Ewan plastered kisses all over Jude's face.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. We'll you've got what you wanted, so you can stop with the crocodile tears and the gushing."
Ewan grinned. "I love you."
Jude snorted. "Uh huh. I think I need a drink. Something strong. Maybe a double."
Ewan laughed and went to get a beer out of the fridge for Jude and himself. "Here. This'll have to do for now. A toast, to our new babies!" He raised his bottle. Jude grimaced, but gamely clinked bottles with Ewan before taking a long swig.
"Just tell me something." Jude paused and looked at a row of little bottles on the kitchen table. "Why is there sage, thyme, and oregano dumped onto the floor? And why is the kitten writhing around in it?"
"Oh that. Well, cats like catnip, yeah? The saleslady showed me some at the store, and since it looked just like all those spices you use, I thought why bother wasting money buying catnip. I was right because these two think it's brilliant. They get a whiff and start rolling about in it like there's no tomorrow. Who knew?"
Two weeks later Jude was waiting for Ewan to come home. He'd just finished his early evening routine of cleaning the litter box, feeding and watering Alex and Joe, and removing the cat hairs on the outfit he intended to wear the next day. He did it all without even mentally complaining because he was forced to admit the two kittens had grown on him.
Still, he smiled wickedly to himself as the thought of the surprise he had in store for Ewan. He'd passed by the same shop today and made a little purchase himself, well more of a rental, really. The shop keeper had been quite accommodating. Poor Ewan, who always called for Jude to remove even the tiniest of spiders found lurking in corners of their flat. Such a funny phobia for someone as boyish as Ewan to have. He could hear little scratching sounds coming from the box on the coffee table. Wouldn't Ewan be surprised.
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Ewan McGregor/Jude Law
Rating: PG - Fluffy
Disclaimer: This is not a real story from the lives of Ewan and Jude. I made it up.
Challenge: Grocery List - yellow objects, animals, mind-altering substances, high heels
Ewan panicked when he heard Jude fiddling with the lock. He quickly shut the door to the bathroom and was standing in the middle of the living room looking guilty when Jude walked in.
"Hi!" Ewan smiled brightly at Jude. Jude raised an eyebrow.
"Hi. What's with you?"
"What do you mean?" Ewan tried to look innocent.
"Just tell me what you've done, Ewan. It's been a long day and I'm rather knackered." Jude collapsed tiredly on the sofa.
"I've not done anything," Ewan began indignantly. "I may have, well, made a decision today that affects us both, but I want you to keep an open mind, that's all. Promise me you will."
Jude groaned. "What is it, Ewan? Just tell me and get it over with."
Ewan frowned. "Don't be like that. You're prejudging already. I knew you'd do that."
"Oh God, it's going to be bad isn't it?"
"No! It's not bad. It's really good, I think. If you'd give it a chance..." Ewan sighed. "Oh, just wait a minute."
Ewan left the room, returning a moment later with one hand behind his back. Jude eyed him suspiciously.
"Well?"
"Well..." Ewan said slowly. "I did the grocery marketing today, just as you asked." Here, Ewan paused to beam at Jude, who merely rolled his eyes and motioned for him to continue. "And anyway, I stopped by this one shop after, and I guess since Easter's coming up there was a window display full of the fluffiest, yellowest little chicks you can imagine - hundreds of them in a bunch, cheeping away. They were adorable, so I just had to watch for a few moments."
Jude sat forward. "Tell me you didn't bring home a bloody chicken."
"No!" Ewan shook his head. "Of course not. What would we do with it when it grew up? Can't have a full grown chicken fluttering about the place. That's just crazy."
Jude look relieved and leaned back again. "Oh. Well, good."
"However..." Jude dropped his face into his hands. Ewan ignored him and continued. "I did go in and have a look 'round, and I just couldn't resist... Jude, if you'd been there..." Ewan slowly brought his arm around and nestled in his hand was a tabby-striped kitten.
"No."
"But Jude..."
"No!"
"But, Jude!"
"Take it back, Ewan. I mean it. Having a pet is a big responsibility."
"We can handle it! I know we can. Please, just give it a chance."
"We?" Jude frowned. "There is no way I'm taking responsibility for it. Changing the litter box, feeding it, picking cat hairs off all my clothes." He groaned. "Do you know how much of my clothing is black? What a nightmare."
Ewan held the kitten up to his face. "You won't get hairs on mean old Jude's poncy clothes, will you? No, you won't. You're just a good little boy, aren't you?" He snuffled his nose against the kitten's.
Jude looked on in disbelief. "You don't even talk that way to me. This is seriously disturbing."
Ewan stuck his tongue out at Jude and wiggled the kitten at him, as he spoke in a high-pitched voice. "Please, Mr. Law, give me a chance. Don't throw me out on the street. I'll be good. You won't even know I'm here. Please. Pleeeeease."
Ewan sat next to Jude on the couch and put the kitten on Jude's lap, which promptly curled up and went to sleep. Jude scowled.
"No, Ewan."
Ewan cajoled. "Please, Jude." He nuzzled against Jude's neck. "I really, really want to keep him. I'll take care of him. I'll do everything. I promise." He placed little kisses along Jude's neck. "See how good he is? He sleeps a lot, and he's really sweet. Please." Ewan snuggled closer.
"Ewan..." Jude still looked grumpy, but Ewan could tell he was softening.
"I'll do anything to convince you." Ewan licked along Jude's ear before biting and pulling gently on his earlobe.
Jude allowed a grudging smile at that. "Anything, huh?"
"Mmhmm." Ewan carefully moved the kitten to the couch cushion and straddled Jude, pulling him in for a kiss.
Jude finally started to relax and was kissing Ewan back eagerly when a sound came from the kitchen. He pulled back.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Ewan tried to kiss him again, but the sounds continued, and Jude glared up at Ewan. Ewan looked panicked.
"Ewan," Jude said warningly. He got up abruptly, dumping Ewan on the floor, and stalking into the kitchen.
"You're fucking kidding me!" Jude's voice carried into the front room. "Ewan!"
Ewan winced and got up, going reluctantly into the kitchen where Jude was standing and pointing.
"Two? Two of them? Unless there are more? Did you buy a baker's dozen? Were they half price if you bought in bulk?" Jude was gesturing wildly, and Ewan kept his distance as he answered him.
"No, it's only the two! I promise. Just listen! They were so cute together, Jude. They needed each other. I couldn't separate them."
Jude dropped his arms and stared in disbelief. "You couldn't separate them," Jude repeated flatly. "Have you gone utterly mad? Since when are you such an animal lover, anyway?"
"Well, this one here, he was stuck in a corner all alone, the rest of the kittens were all playing together, you see."
He paused to gauge Jude's reaction, which was stony-faced silence. "I felt so sorry for it, but then the other one, the one in the living room, he came over and pounced on it, and the two started playing together. It was so adorable. It reminded me of us, you see."
Jude frowned. "Oh, and I can guess which one was supposed to be me. So you think I sulk in corners, do you?"
Ewan sighed exasperatedly. "No, of course not, but I do pounce on you quite a lot, yeah?" Ewan grinned at Jude.
Jude folded his arms across his chest. "You're not convincing me. We've got to take them back, at least one."
Ewan bit his lip. "But Jude, they can keep each other company when we're out, and anyway, you should've seen the bint who wanted to buy this one. I couldn't let little Jude go to her."
"Little Jude? You're not naming that thing after me."
"Yeah, all right. You can name them, if you want. I don't mind." Ewan smiled ingratiatingly. "Anyway, she was a stupid looking tart who seemed very irresponsible. She was wearing fuck-me-pumps at 10:30 A.M. Does this seem like someone who should be taking care of innocent kittens?"
Jude rolled his eyes again. "Ewan, I'm serious..."
Ewan put on his most pathetic expression, widening his eyes, willing them to water a bit, and letting his lower lip stick out just the very slightest bit. "Jude... I'm begging you. For me."
Jude glared. "I hate it when you do that, you manipulative twat." Ewan continued to look crestfallen. Jude sighed, slumping a bit and running his fingers through his hair.
Ewan whooped for joy and threw himself into Jude's arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't be sorry! You'll see!" Ewan plastered kisses all over Jude's face.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. We'll you've got what you wanted, so you can stop with the crocodile tears and the gushing."
Ewan grinned. "I love you."
Jude snorted. "Uh huh. I think I need a drink. Something strong. Maybe a double."
Ewan laughed and went to get a beer out of the fridge for Jude and himself. "Here. This'll have to do for now. A toast, to our new babies!" He raised his bottle. Jude grimaced, but gamely clinked bottles with Ewan before taking a long swig.
"Just tell me something." Jude paused and looked at a row of little bottles on the kitchen table. "Why is there sage, thyme, and oregano dumped onto the floor? And why is the kitten writhing around in it?"
"Oh that. Well, cats like catnip, yeah? The saleslady showed me some at the store, and since it looked just like all those spices you use, I thought why bother wasting money buying catnip. I was right because these two think it's brilliant. They get a whiff and start rolling about in it like there's no tomorrow. Who knew?"
Two weeks later Jude was waiting for Ewan to come home. He'd just finished his early evening routine of cleaning the litter box, feeding and watering Alex and Joe, and removing the cat hairs on the outfit he intended to wear the next day. He did it all without even mentally complaining because he was forced to admit the two kittens had grown on him.
Still, he smiled wickedly to himself as the thought of the surprise he had in store for Ewan. He'd passed by the same shop today and made a little purchase himself, well more of a rental, really. The shop keeper had been quite accommodating. Poor Ewan, who always called for Jude to remove even the tiniest of spiders found lurking in corners of their flat. Such a funny phobia for someone as boyish as Ewan to have. He could hear little scratching sounds coming from the box on the coffee table. Wouldn't Ewan be surprised.