If Only For Your Good (WNBA RPS)
Title: If Only For Your Good
Author: CG
Rating: Er... PG, maybe? One cuss word, some sexual content.
A/N: 49 minutes. The first part is set in spring of 2002; the second in summer of 2003. The title is from "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down; the full line is "I'd give up everything if only for your good." Warnings for het. (Hee. Backwards universe, beautiful thing.)
Disclaimer: People real, slash fake. Please don't sue me, y'all.
Pairing: my fave... Rebecca Lobo/Sue Wicks, ex-New York Liberty.
Summary: She's loved enough for this to be done.
"He did what?" Sue asked, disbelieving.
"He proposed to me!" Rebecca pirouetted around the room, having gotten past the point of jumping for joy and squealing like a preteen girl.
"And you did what?"
"I said yes, what were you expecting me to say?"
"Uh, that maybe pulling out a diamond ring when he fell on you in the middle of Central Park when you had a date with your girlfriend might not be the best time to propose a lifetime commitment?"
Rebecca laughed, tossing back her long brown hair. "Blondie, that isn't something you say to a nice guy when you're dating him and he proposes to you. Not that you know about the guy thing."
Sue smiled tightly, the expression not reaching her eyes. "Right. Don't know anything about the guy thing at all. Morenita, I have brothers."
The brunette stopped her hyperkinetic motion and sat down on the chair opposite Sue. "Something's bothering you, isn't it? You look like hell and sound like you just drank rat poison."
"Who, me? Unhappy when you're happy? That couldn't ever happen, brownie. If you're happy, then I'm happy. Your happiness makes me happy. Really."
Rebecca looked up from regarding a hangnail. Sue suspected that an Awkward Moment was about to occur. "Er... you know what this means, right?"
"I have family. I know what the marriage vows entail. No one else. Complete monogamy. No flings on the side. Faithful till death do you part. Yadda-doo. I got the memo." Sue nodded sharply, avoiding Rebecca's eyes. She'd been hoping beyond hope that her girlfriend would forget that part, or perhaps consider it not to be in breach of the marriage vows. She wasn't quite sure how that last part would work, but she knew that Rebecca had a creative and sometimes utterly off-the-wall mind, and perhaps in the twisted sense of reality that Rebecca lived in, it could work.
"And you're not upset with me or anything? You never cease to amaze me."
Again the tight smile, a motion of the mouth only, no answering twinkle in hazel eyes that had seen far too much. "You're doing what you need to do. I get that. I've done the things I need to do with my life more than once. If you think you belong with him, that marrying him is the best thing for you, the thing that will bring you the most happiness, then for the sake of the God you believe in, go to the man."
"You're the best friend a girl could ever have," Rebecca said quietly. "In so many ways, you're one of the best friends I've ever had."
The qualification went through Sue like a knife. Their relationship had started out as friendship, but to describe it now as just friendship was like saying that Sue had traveled a little, or that people in Connecticut knew Rebecca. She could feel the distance growing between them already even while they were in the same room, even while Rebecca was in her arms with her head against Sue's shoulder. It took all the self-control Sue had ever learned not to scream what she really felt.
They embraced for a long time, taking comfort in familiar contours and curves, before Rebecca finally pulled away. "I shouldn't- I- I have to go, Sue. Please promise me you won't totally vanish from my life. We're still friends, right?"
"Right," Sue echoed hollowly. "Friends. Call me."
"Well, duh." Rebecca waved as she left. The door slid shut, and Sue swallowed the lump in her throat. She'd thought that maybe Rebecca would get it, see how much this was tearing her apart, come back through the door and declare that her love for Sue was truer than her love for Steve and how foolish she had been to believe that she could ever have with him what she had with Sue.
But there was silence, and quiet, and a hush over the house, marked only by the sound of muffled sobbing; even alone, even with no one there to hear her and to comfort her if they heard, Sue would not let anyone have the satisfaction of seeing her as broken as the heart in her chest was. She knew that she couldn't maintain a friendship with Rebecca without being constnatly reminded of the love she had surrendered in exchange for her beloved's happiness. But she wouldn't allow that to get in the way of keeping the ties. Rebecca expected it of her- more importantly, Rebecca wanted it of her, and so she would do it no matter the cost.
She sat and cried for the love she had known and would no longer be allowed. She cried for the secret that she would have to keep and for the ache that would always be within her and demanding to be filled. She had given up her chance for the happiness that she had longed for over three continents and six countries, and she had done so willingly, and she would do it again. And that was what hurt the most. Her sacrifice would go unnoticed.
Engagement turned to wedding, and the newlyweds took up residence in Connecticut, not far from Rebecca's new team and within reasonable distance for Steve to travel. They hadn't lived as man and wife for very long before Steve noticed the way Rebecca would linger around the house with a miasma of grief wrapped around her, or how she looked longingly out the window when she thought he wasn't around to see it. It tok a little while longer for him to put the clues together, but he knew enough, and had gleaned enough, that he guessed the problem. And then it took him a while longer before he got around to mentioning it- seeing as it had to do with feelings, he wasn't at his most comfortable discussing the matter.
"Becca, we need to talk," he finally said one night.
"Then talk," she said quietly, gaze distant, voice faint.
"I, ah, I don't always catch these things, but you've been acting strange. Weird. Not like your usual happy bubbly self. It's not good for you."
"I'm fine," she lied.
"I'm not stupid and you're not fine, except in the slang sense. In the real sense of the word you are not fine. You look like you just lost your best friend."
She turned pale, sitting straight up in her chair and flinching visibly. He knew he'd struck a nerve, and he continued. "It's obvious you need something I can't provide. Not unless I undergo some serious renovations, at which point I'd lose some other stuff that I can provide and I think you enjoy being provided with."
"You are a dirty man."
"I thought that was why you married me?"
She smiled, white teeth flashing in the dimly lit kitchen. "As good a reason as many."
"Anyway. Not the point. Listen. Seriously, listen, not gonna say it that often. Becca, I love you, and I don't like seeing you unhappy. If there's something out there that'll make you happy, go for it. Even if that something happens to be a someone. You're dragging all of us down with you. It's doing shit for my columns, it's doing shit for your play, it's doing shit for everyone else's life, and I'm pretty sure your mother's going to shoot me if I let you stay this way."
"Mom knows I'm a grownup big girl and can take care of myself. She wouldn't shoot you."
"And I thought we were dense with the feelings thing. How can I possibly be more explicit about this? Go to her."
"Mom's not-"
"Not your mom."
Slowly, she got the gist of what he meant. "But I can't. I vowed- we vowed- you can't just-"
He cut her off with a finger against her lips. "Shh. She wants you. I want you to. You want you- no. You need you to. I don't mind, as long as you come back."
"You can't be serious."
"I can and I am. If I have to choose, I'd rather share a happy you than have a miserable you all to myself. God knows there's plenty of you to go around, even for tall people."
"Are you sure?"
"Like I'd have mentioned it if I wasn't?"
"Very good point. So. Uh. I'll be in our room. Packing. Stuff. Uh. You don't mind like now, right?"
"Rebecca."
"Me voy, me voy." He watched her go. Swallowing his pride hadn't hurt as much as he thought it would. There was a large part of him that really did want her all to himself, but when it came down to the meat of the matter, the best part of him understood that he wasn't the only one she needed. He'd already grown used to submerging his ego when around people who knew so much about his famous wife, so this was just another step in that process. He'd met Sue a few months ago, and he'd gotten the drift of what was going on between her and Rebecca, and how much it meant to her. He didn't want to think about his life without Rebecca, so he wasn't about to inflict the same fate on someone else.
Of course, if word got out, he'd be the laughingstock of mankind- bad enough that some sports sites were already calling him whipped, but this would really attack his manhood. To let his woman cheat on him? If nothing else, his fellow writers would have a field day, and he could only imagine what the people at ESPN would make of it. He would have to rely on the women's discretion. Then again, he was fairly certain that that would work- after all, from what he had managed to figure out, Rebecca and Sue had been together for about three years without anyone outside their locker rooms getting a whiff of it; he had only learned of it from a teammate of Sue's who had felt he should really know this sort of thing.
There was something unnerving about doing this. But then he thought of the way Rebecca had slumped through the last few months, and the smiling, witty woman he had met. The comparison was so sharp, and the present version so lacking, that he felt that the sacrifice of his pride was well worth it. And if he had his way, only he would know how small he felt- he would never let Rebecca know how this affected him.
Author: CG
Rating: Er... PG, maybe? One cuss word, some sexual content.
A/N: 49 minutes. The first part is set in spring of 2002; the second in summer of 2003. The title is from "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down; the full line is "I'd give up everything if only for your good." Warnings for het. (Hee. Backwards universe, beautiful thing.)
Disclaimer: People real, slash fake. Please don't sue me, y'all.
Pairing: my fave... Rebecca Lobo/Sue Wicks, ex-New York Liberty.
Summary: She's loved enough for this to be done.
"He did what?" Sue asked, disbelieving.
"He proposed to me!" Rebecca pirouetted around the room, having gotten past the point of jumping for joy and squealing like a preteen girl.
"And you did what?"
"I said yes, what were you expecting me to say?"
"Uh, that maybe pulling out a diamond ring when he fell on you in the middle of Central Park when you had a date with your girlfriend might not be the best time to propose a lifetime commitment?"
Rebecca laughed, tossing back her long brown hair. "Blondie, that isn't something you say to a nice guy when you're dating him and he proposes to you. Not that you know about the guy thing."
Sue smiled tightly, the expression not reaching her eyes. "Right. Don't know anything about the guy thing at all. Morenita, I have brothers."
The brunette stopped her hyperkinetic motion and sat down on the chair opposite Sue. "Something's bothering you, isn't it? You look like hell and sound like you just drank rat poison."
"Who, me? Unhappy when you're happy? That couldn't ever happen, brownie. If you're happy, then I'm happy. Your happiness makes me happy. Really."
Rebecca looked up from regarding a hangnail. Sue suspected that an Awkward Moment was about to occur. "Er... you know what this means, right?"
"I have family. I know what the marriage vows entail. No one else. Complete monogamy. No flings on the side. Faithful till death do you part. Yadda-doo. I got the memo." Sue nodded sharply, avoiding Rebecca's eyes. She'd been hoping beyond hope that her girlfriend would forget that part, or perhaps consider it not to be in breach of the marriage vows. She wasn't quite sure how that last part would work, but she knew that Rebecca had a creative and sometimes utterly off-the-wall mind, and perhaps in the twisted sense of reality that Rebecca lived in, it could work.
"And you're not upset with me or anything? You never cease to amaze me."
Again the tight smile, a motion of the mouth only, no answering twinkle in hazel eyes that had seen far too much. "You're doing what you need to do. I get that. I've done the things I need to do with my life more than once. If you think you belong with him, that marrying him is the best thing for you, the thing that will bring you the most happiness, then for the sake of the God you believe in, go to the man."
"You're the best friend a girl could ever have," Rebecca said quietly. "In so many ways, you're one of the best friends I've ever had."
The qualification went through Sue like a knife. Their relationship had started out as friendship, but to describe it now as just friendship was like saying that Sue had traveled a little, or that people in Connecticut knew Rebecca. She could feel the distance growing between them already even while they were in the same room, even while Rebecca was in her arms with her head against Sue's shoulder. It took all the self-control Sue had ever learned not to scream what she really felt.
They embraced for a long time, taking comfort in familiar contours and curves, before Rebecca finally pulled away. "I shouldn't- I- I have to go, Sue. Please promise me you won't totally vanish from my life. We're still friends, right?"
"Right," Sue echoed hollowly. "Friends. Call me."
"Well, duh." Rebecca waved as she left. The door slid shut, and Sue swallowed the lump in her throat. She'd thought that maybe Rebecca would get it, see how much this was tearing her apart, come back through the door and declare that her love for Sue was truer than her love for Steve and how foolish she had been to believe that she could ever have with him what she had with Sue.
But there was silence, and quiet, and a hush over the house, marked only by the sound of muffled sobbing; even alone, even with no one there to hear her and to comfort her if they heard, Sue would not let anyone have the satisfaction of seeing her as broken as the heart in her chest was. She knew that she couldn't maintain a friendship with Rebecca without being constnatly reminded of the love she had surrendered in exchange for her beloved's happiness. But she wouldn't allow that to get in the way of keeping the ties. Rebecca expected it of her- more importantly, Rebecca wanted it of her, and so she would do it no matter the cost.
She sat and cried for the love she had known and would no longer be allowed. She cried for the secret that she would have to keep and for the ache that would always be within her and demanding to be filled. She had given up her chance for the happiness that she had longed for over three continents and six countries, and she had done so willingly, and she would do it again. And that was what hurt the most. Her sacrifice would go unnoticed.
Engagement turned to wedding, and the newlyweds took up residence in Connecticut, not far from Rebecca's new team and within reasonable distance for Steve to travel. They hadn't lived as man and wife for very long before Steve noticed the way Rebecca would linger around the house with a miasma of grief wrapped around her, or how she looked longingly out the window when she thought he wasn't around to see it. It tok a little while longer for him to put the clues together, but he knew enough, and had gleaned enough, that he guessed the problem. And then it took him a while longer before he got around to mentioning it- seeing as it had to do with feelings, he wasn't at his most comfortable discussing the matter.
"Becca, we need to talk," he finally said one night.
"Then talk," she said quietly, gaze distant, voice faint.
"I, ah, I don't always catch these things, but you've been acting strange. Weird. Not like your usual happy bubbly self. It's not good for you."
"I'm fine," she lied.
"I'm not stupid and you're not fine, except in the slang sense. In the real sense of the word you are not fine. You look like you just lost your best friend."
She turned pale, sitting straight up in her chair and flinching visibly. He knew he'd struck a nerve, and he continued. "It's obvious you need something I can't provide. Not unless I undergo some serious renovations, at which point I'd lose some other stuff that I can provide and I think you enjoy being provided with."
"You are a dirty man."
"I thought that was why you married me?"
She smiled, white teeth flashing in the dimly lit kitchen. "As good a reason as many."
"Anyway. Not the point. Listen. Seriously, listen, not gonna say it that often. Becca, I love you, and I don't like seeing you unhappy. If there's something out there that'll make you happy, go for it. Even if that something happens to be a someone. You're dragging all of us down with you. It's doing shit for my columns, it's doing shit for your play, it's doing shit for everyone else's life, and I'm pretty sure your mother's going to shoot me if I let you stay this way."
"Mom knows I'm a grownup big girl and can take care of myself. She wouldn't shoot you."
"And I thought we were dense with the feelings thing. How can I possibly be more explicit about this? Go to her."
"Mom's not-"
"Not your mom."
Slowly, she got the gist of what he meant. "But I can't. I vowed- we vowed- you can't just-"
He cut her off with a finger against her lips. "Shh. She wants you. I want you to. You want you- no. You need you to. I don't mind, as long as you come back."
"You can't be serious."
"I can and I am. If I have to choose, I'd rather share a happy you than have a miserable you all to myself. God knows there's plenty of you to go around, even for tall people."
"Are you sure?"
"Like I'd have mentioned it if I wasn't?"
"Very good point. So. Uh. I'll be in our room. Packing. Stuff. Uh. You don't mind like now, right?"
"Rebecca."
"Me voy, me voy." He watched her go. Swallowing his pride hadn't hurt as much as he thought it would. There was a large part of him that really did want her all to himself, but when it came down to the meat of the matter, the best part of him understood that he wasn't the only one she needed. He'd already grown used to submerging his ego when around people who knew so much about his famous wife, so this was just another step in that process. He'd met Sue a few months ago, and he'd gotten the drift of what was going on between her and Rebecca, and how much it meant to her. He didn't want to think about his life without Rebecca, so he wasn't about to inflict the same fate on someone else.
Of course, if word got out, he'd be the laughingstock of mankind- bad enough that some sports sites were already calling him whipped, but this would really attack his manhood. To let his woman cheat on him? If nothing else, his fellow writers would have a field day, and he could only imagine what the people at ESPN would make of it. He would have to rely on the women's discretion. Then again, he was fairly certain that that would work- after all, from what he had managed to figure out, Rebecca and Sue had been together for about three years without anyone outside their locker rooms getting a whiff of it; he had only learned of it from a teammate of Sue's who had felt he should really know this sort of thing.
There was something unnerving about doing this. But then he thought of the way Rebecca had slumped through the last few months, and the smiling, witty woman he had met. The comparison was so sharp, and the present version so lacking, that he felt that the sacrifice of his pride was well worth it. And if he had his way, only he would know how small he felt- he would never let Rebecca know how this affected him.