(no subject)
Title: Mistakes Undone
Author: demeanor
Fandom: Velvet Goldmine
Pairing: Curt/Arthur, Curt/Brian
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to the genius of Todd Haynes
Summary: Curt reflects.
Author’s note: Written for the contrelamontre challenge "not the worst moment” about 40 min from idea to completion. Not one of my best I know, but I thought I’d share it.
Feedback: greatly appreciated
This is not the worst moment of my life.
How long has it been since I walked out that door, your screams echoing off the grimy brick walls? Looking back, up to the window, to see you framed by that white curtain looking almost angelic. I could still hear those vile words coming from your lips. One last look before I ran, out of England, out of your life. But that was not the worst moment of my life.
How many nights did I sit alone watching your face flicker on the television? Letting the memories wash over me. Shocked and horrified hearing the news of your "death", wishing I hadn’t run. Grief turning to anger learning it was just another of your lies, more of your pathetic posturing. But that was not the worst moment of my life.
Sitting in that bar undisturbed in the backroom, having a quiet drink. Disgusted, having just watched another of your masquerades. Searching your eyes, your voice for a shred of the man I had loved. There was nothing left of him, and I was left wondering if he had ever existed at all. Yet that was not the worst moment of my life.
Watching the boy approach the table, "You’re Curt Wilde." A slight grin on his face, his eyes flitting from the crumpled ticket stub, to the pin, back to my face. I remember you, but I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of knowing it. Giving you what little wisdom I had felt good. Having someone know my face, my name after all these years, even if it was just a teenage groupie grown up, that was a nice feeling. Slipping the pin in your drink and walking away, that was the worst moment of my life. Making the same mistake twice, walking away from someone I could love.
Standing out on the street, suddenly feeling my age upon me. I was not an icon, I was nothing. And I was alone, another aging glam-rocker with nowhere to go. Hearing the footsteps echoing behind me, turning and it's you, Arthur. You smile and offer me a drink at your hotel. I smile and nod in reply, not trusting my words to fate. Mistakes can be undone. Falling in step beside you, hearing what you’ve done these past years, I wonder how things would be different if I had made you stay. Mistakes can be undone.
Lying, hands entwined things seem so simple. It was love then, as it is now. My thoughts are linear, focused on a thousand tomorrows. Yes, mistakes can be undone. My mind is clear and I can finally say goodbye to the ghost that’s haunted me so long. Somewhere a radio is playing a familiar song and I mouth the words into your shoulder, "Words don’t express my meaning. Notes could not spell out the score." Through the dark I can almost see you smiling. Yes mistakes can be undone.
This is not the worst moment of my life, far from it.
Author: demeanor
Fandom: Velvet Goldmine
Pairing: Curt/Arthur, Curt/Brian
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to the genius of Todd Haynes
Summary: Curt reflects.
Author’s note: Written for the contrelamontre challenge "not the worst moment” about 40 min from idea to completion. Not one of my best I know, but I thought I’d share it.
Feedback: greatly appreciated
This is not the worst moment of my life.
How long has it been since I walked out that door, your screams echoing off the grimy brick walls? Looking back, up to the window, to see you framed by that white curtain looking almost angelic. I could still hear those vile words coming from your lips. One last look before I ran, out of England, out of your life. But that was not the worst moment of my life.
How many nights did I sit alone watching your face flicker on the television? Letting the memories wash over me. Shocked and horrified hearing the news of your "death", wishing I hadn’t run. Grief turning to anger learning it was just another of your lies, more of your pathetic posturing. But that was not the worst moment of my life.
Sitting in that bar undisturbed in the backroom, having a quiet drink. Disgusted, having just watched another of your masquerades. Searching your eyes, your voice for a shred of the man I had loved. There was nothing left of him, and I was left wondering if he had ever existed at all. Yet that was not the worst moment of my life.
Watching the boy approach the table, "You’re Curt Wilde." A slight grin on his face, his eyes flitting from the crumpled ticket stub, to the pin, back to my face. I remember you, but I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of knowing it. Giving you what little wisdom I had felt good. Having someone know my face, my name after all these years, even if it was just a teenage groupie grown up, that was a nice feeling. Slipping the pin in your drink and walking away, that was the worst moment of my life. Making the same mistake twice, walking away from someone I could love.
Standing out on the street, suddenly feeling my age upon me. I was not an icon, I was nothing. And I was alone, another aging glam-rocker with nowhere to go. Hearing the footsteps echoing behind me, turning and it's you, Arthur. You smile and offer me a drink at your hotel. I smile and nod in reply, not trusting my words to fate. Mistakes can be undone. Falling in step beside you, hearing what you’ve done these past years, I wonder how things would be different if I had made you stay. Mistakes can be undone.
Lying, hands entwined things seem so simple. It was love then, as it is now. My thoughts are linear, focused on a thousand tomorrows. Yes, mistakes can be undone. My mind is clear and I can finally say goodbye to the ghost that’s haunted me so long. Somewhere a radio is playing a familiar song and I mouth the words into your shoulder, "Words don’t express my meaning. Notes could not spell out the score." Through the dark I can almost see you smiling. Yes mistakes can be undone.
This is not the worst moment of my life, far from it.