expecting different results
New Orleans is like an ex. We've been off and on for, oh, 26.5 years. In all of those off periods I wasted a lot of energy pointing out nothing but the bad times to make myself seem like the victim. She's grown, been beaten down, and is working through her own issues, regardless of me. At the same time, I work through my issues with or without some other catalyst, and I can't help but cling to her for hope of someday making beautiful harmony again, to embrace each other, to be held in each other's bosom, to wake up to comfortable familiarity and know that everything will be okay, to make sense. The last three quality times I spent with her made me increasingly nostalgic for what used to be, but increasingly tolerant of the current work-arounds. Afterall, she has told me that she loves me. If there's any bit of that situation to be had again, it won't be exactly the same, and neither will the way we feel in the end. I can try to make it work if she allows the opportunity, or I can cut myself loose. At some point I need to realize the best direction for me [and her], and actualize it.
Passive-aggressive silence and time is not the best routine, but that's where I am now. I'm trying to be her friend, but it doesn't come easily for me at this stage. All I know is that the final stage is when I realize the life lesson that she taught to me, which can be applied to future relationships.
Passive-aggressive silence and time is not the best routine, but that's where I am now. I'm trying to be her friend, but it doesn't come easily for me at this stage. All I know is that the final stage is when I realize the life lesson that she taught to me, which can be applied to future relationships.