dinner
the uncertainty surrounding the situation almost prevented me from sending the sms. and when i finally did press the 'send' button, i nearly whack myself on the forehead.
30 mins later - no reply.
1 hour later - no reply.
1 hour 30 mins later - no reply.
considering my behavior 2 years ago, i definitely do not blame him if he doesn't wish to meet up.
2 hours later - "tonight's fine i think. where shall we eat?"
although the occasional exchanges at the gym had been cordial and friendly, it has certainly been many moons since we last had a decent sit-down-conversation.
not just on-time, but he was early as usual - "i'm here :o) call when you reach."
he looked the same, still beaming his winning smile as i approached the table. he looked the same, still as fresh as the 21 year-old whom i first set eyes on 5 years ago.
no. he looked different, the smile filled with naivety years before is now replaced with knowledge. the freshness of a 21 year-old is now replaced with fine lines of wisdom and confidence.
we ordered our food and then caught up with the details of our lives during the past 2 years. families are well, dogs are healthy, job is moving along alright and both of us have each found our better halves. we agreed that our relationship had its fond and happy memories, but our lives became better after the breakup.
"i was surprised when you agreed to meet for dinner."
"well, i wasn't ready to see you before."
"yes i fully understood why. I had been that horrid huh?"
he nodded.
of course i knew that "horrid" was an understatement. during the last few months of the relationship, i had failed to handle the situation in a humane and mature way. i had subjected him to pain, and that was 4 months of emotional pain when he was still living with me.
as the dinner progressed and the conversation had shifted to our relationship, layers of questions and doubts faded away bit by bit. we were finally able to vanquish the demons of our relationship and throw out the skeletons in our closets. we talked, we laughed, and a part of my heart was filled with the unexplainable feeling of regret. regret, at how i had failed him.
i thought i was mature enough to protect him from being hurt by the reality of working life, manipulating people and society's lies. but ironically, i was the one who had single-handedly caused the most hurt to him. and i did so by being me.
when i dropped him off at his apartment, he turned around, smiled and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
"take care."
and as he walked towards the lift with me driving out of his carpark, we both know that we had existed in each others' lives for a reason.
"thank you."
30 mins later - no reply.
1 hour later - no reply.
1 hour 30 mins later - no reply.
considering my behavior 2 years ago, i definitely do not blame him if he doesn't wish to meet up.
2 hours later - "tonight's fine i think. where shall we eat?"
although the occasional exchanges at the gym had been cordial and friendly, it has certainly been many moons since we last had a decent sit-down-conversation.
not just on-time, but he was early as usual - "i'm here :o) call when you reach."
he looked the same, still beaming his winning smile as i approached the table. he looked the same, still as fresh as the 21 year-old whom i first set eyes on 5 years ago.
no. he looked different, the smile filled with naivety years before is now replaced with knowledge. the freshness of a 21 year-old is now replaced with fine lines of wisdom and confidence.
we ordered our food and then caught up with the details of our lives during the past 2 years. families are well, dogs are healthy, job is moving along alright and both of us have each found our better halves. we agreed that our relationship had its fond and happy memories, but our lives became better after the breakup.
"i was surprised when you agreed to meet for dinner."
"well, i wasn't ready to see you before."
"yes i fully understood why. I had been that horrid huh?"
he nodded.
of course i knew that "horrid" was an understatement. during the last few months of the relationship, i had failed to handle the situation in a humane and mature way. i had subjected him to pain, and that was 4 months of emotional pain when he was still living with me.
as the dinner progressed and the conversation had shifted to our relationship, layers of questions and doubts faded away bit by bit. we were finally able to vanquish the demons of our relationship and throw out the skeletons in our closets. we talked, we laughed, and a part of my heart was filled with the unexplainable feeling of regret. regret, at how i had failed him.
i thought i was mature enough to protect him from being hurt by the reality of working life, manipulating people and society's lies. but ironically, i was the one who had single-handedly caused the most hurt to him. and i did so by being me.
when i dropped him off at his apartment, he turned around, smiled and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
"take care."
and as he walked towards the lift with me driving out of his carpark, we both know that we had existed in each others' lives for a reason.
"thank you."