sorry if it doesn't make sense

[contradiction41]

I feel it deep inside of me, a heavy feeling like the way your limbs feel post-adrenaline-rush.  It feels heavy in my chest and thick in my throat.  I'm so angry.  Angry at myself for the things I wish I would do and seem to not.  Angry knowing that things I'm counting on getting done aren't, and that I should have done them myself - take some responsibility.  Angry at people for talking to me like I'm a child.  OOOHH if I have one pet peeve, it's being spoken to like I'm stupid or a kid - kids are not stupid, maybe inexperienced, and adults are naive, too - not just kids.  I know I have a lot to learn - wouldn't that make me wiser than someone who thinks they already know it all?  I can handle a rough day - I don't need someone to hold my hand through every rain drop and frustration.  I'm a big girl, treat me like one, thanks.  No, I don't have the guts to say this aloud, thats why I'm wriitng it.  Maybe I'll just pretend to be in a good mood all the time, thats waht everyone else seems to say they do - act.  I'm no different than anybody else in the things that make me human.  I'm different in my ideas, my values, my hopes and dreams - those things make me ... me, not make me human.  If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  If I should grow a backbone, I'm sorry, maybe I'll try.  Then again, maybe it's me to be angry and not want to say so SOMETIMES and maybe it's me to be angry and not shut up about it SOMETIMES.

Whatever the case may be, I don't expect comments on any of my stuff, I've already learned that hoping other people will have something to say about my life is disappointing, and I'm not really ready for that right now.

I've got all these ideas in my head, so many plans, hopes, dreams, wants and needs, stories to tell, information to share.  Whats keeping it inside of me?  This I do not know.