When The Eggshell Becomes Your Mind
You never actually realize how stupid people can be until you go to school.
Every morning you wake up. Perhaps you drink a cup of Folgers. Because everybody knows the best part of waking up, is some of that in your cup.
Then after you eat breakfast and bathe, you board the bus to hell. Actually, it's more like the bus of hell.
Once you step inside, you find a nice little seat by a cool window. It's winter, so you don't mind the small chill. At least you're inside a comfy rusted unlit and poorly bolted public transportation unit.
As the ride starts you feel an awkward heat at your feet. At first, it's really no bother - just a little bit of tax payed heating to keep you toasty. Then you realize that the bus driver tends to kill you by burning off your flesh.
So, in an attempt to survive you claw at the frosted window. It's the only bit of water you'll have for another thirty minutes.
You know those markings you see on windows condensed with droplets of water. That's not just some kid messing around - that's a kid trying to stay alive. Why do you think bus drivers hate it when you put your hands on the window? Obviously because they want you dead.
You now understand what it's like to be an Egyptian Slave. Burning your ass off without any source of hydration. The sad thing is, you're only on a bus.
After you get to school you scurry to all your little classes. Time ticks by and eventually ninth period rolls along. You enter the room with numerous expectations.
It's a government class, the students are bound to be a little intelligent.
But no, "no one left behind" makes sure intelligent people are a rare delicacy.
Here are a few examples of some of the comments in the class:
Student: "Wait, George Washington was at the making of the Constitution"
Teacher: "Yes."
Student: "So.. is that when he became the leader of everything"
Obviously I've been sleeping for many years in history class. I never realized that George Washington was the 'ruler of everything'. He must have been freaking awesome.
Teacher: "There are actually only about fourty states, the other states are 'common wealths' (True statement)
Student: "Wait a second, I thought we had fifty-two states"
Last night, while we were all sleeping - another two states were added to America. You might have missed it, I know I did. I'm really glad the kids in government class told me.
Teacher: "So, lets say it's 1770 or so and you two have stores in different states. Lets say you two get in a dispute and need to go to trial"
Student: "Can't we just call each other"
Obviously, we did have phones in the late 1770s. During the Civil War many years later, the Confederates ruined all knowledge and blue-prints to phones. Thus, we had to start all over.
Last but not least:
Teacher: "I have brain teasers at the end of my tests. They are all trick questions and riddles. For example, lets say that a father and son are driving and get into a car wreck"
*Student abruptly silences the teacher*
Student: "God, I hate math questions"
This student was serious. Somehow car wrecks have to do with math. I don't know how.
Every morning you wake up. Perhaps you drink a cup of Folgers. Because everybody knows the best part of waking up, is some of that in your cup.
Then after you eat breakfast and bathe, you board the bus to hell. Actually, it's more like the bus of hell.
Once you step inside, you find a nice little seat by a cool window. It's winter, so you don't mind the small chill. At least you're inside a comfy rusted unlit and poorly bolted public transportation unit.
As the ride starts you feel an awkward heat at your feet. At first, it's really no bother - just a little bit of tax payed heating to keep you toasty. Then you realize that the bus driver tends to kill you by burning off your flesh.
So, in an attempt to survive you claw at the frosted window. It's the only bit of water you'll have for another thirty minutes.
You know those markings you see on windows condensed with droplets of water. That's not just some kid messing around - that's a kid trying to stay alive. Why do you think bus drivers hate it when you put your hands on the window? Obviously because they want you dead.
You now understand what it's like to be an Egyptian Slave. Burning your ass off without any source of hydration. The sad thing is, you're only on a bus.
After you get to school you scurry to all your little classes. Time ticks by and eventually ninth period rolls along. You enter the room with numerous expectations.
It's a government class, the students are bound to be a little intelligent.
But no, "no one left behind" makes sure intelligent people are a rare delicacy.
Here are a few examples of some of the comments in the class:
Student: "Wait, George Washington was at the making of the Constitution"
Teacher: "Yes."
Student: "So.. is that when he became the leader of everything"
Obviously I've been sleeping for many years in history class. I never realized that George Washington was the 'ruler of everything'. He must have been freaking awesome.
Teacher: "There are actually only about fourty states, the other states are 'common wealths' (True statement)
Student: "Wait a second, I thought we had fifty-two states"
Last night, while we were all sleeping - another two states were added to America. You might have missed it, I know I did. I'm really glad the kids in government class told me.
Teacher: "So, lets say it's 1770 or so and you two have stores in different states. Lets say you two get in a dispute and need to go to trial"
Student: "Can't we just call each other"
Obviously, we did have phones in the late 1770s. During the Civil War many years later, the Confederates ruined all knowledge and blue-prints to phones. Thus, we had to start all over.
Last but not least:
Teacher: "I have brain teasers at the end of my tests. They are all trick questions and riddles. For example, lets say that a father and son are driving and get into a car wreck"
*Student abruptly silences the teacher*
Student: "God, I hate math questions"
This student was serious. Somehow car wrecks have to do with math. I don't know how.