I am so, so sorry
God I am hurting so much, and I don't know how to end it. Everything seems without purpose, yet I go and I do and I am. I have no idea why, because it seems stupid. To suffer just to suffer? Do I need the pain? I don't think I am like that. I don't think I should just cope with it - it seems almost blasphemous to misuse life in that way. I wish I could just stop thinking about people so that I would feel free of responsibilities, but I am a social being. I live off you, the thought of you. The hopes for you all and the pride that I have. But I need to realize that I am not a part of your lives. I may cross your path now and then, but that gives me no right to you, no identity of my own.. And.. That's the problem. I wish to be a part of it. Integral, intimate. But I am not worth that much. I am worth nothing regardless of what you say and think of me. I am noting special in any positive way. I give you pain. I kept you down and made you cry. Cry for me, cry for you. Cry because I sapped all of your strength and beauty and lived off it. I am an evil creature. And I am so sorry.