(no subject)
Why must people always resort to violence? That kills me. I got in a fight with a man up the road because he was drunk and picking a fight. I tried to ignore him and go on my way but people just can't stand to have their little feelings hurt by someone ignoring their ignorance. I don't like to fight, I was taught to defend myself so I'm not afraid to, but I don't like to and I try, to the best of my ability, not to. He wouldn't let me go in peace, even spitting in my face, so I did what was needed to be done; and he even threatened to call the cops afterward! I'm sure it was just a bluff considering there was no one around except a bunch of drunks and it was his word against mine and I have not a spot on my record so I don't have to worry about that. But my conscience always comes into a play...there is always a solution that doesn't require violence, right? Why is it that sometimes we just see no other way out? Why must people be the way they are?
On a slightly better note, life is...improving to say the least. I'm getting all my college stuff done and out of the way. I still have to get a definite answer on an apartment and I'm currently finding a job up there. I'm scared out of my mind, I've never been more scared of anything in my entire life. What if I can't do it? What if I decide I don't like it? What if I get homesick? What if I miss my friends? Or you? Life without you...isn't...what I want it to be, regardless of the fact that you are probably going to be there shortly there-after...but still...I don't want to be without you even for that short amount of time...that's what I'm most scared of...being without everyone...my parents..my friends...my love...what am I going to do? Of course I still have a few friends up there...but not Lee...or Mark...I've never been far away from them like that...I know that sounds gay but I really don't care...if there is anyone in my life that I depend on it's them...people really don't understand the extent of how close the three of us are....Mark has drifted off a bit...but Lee and I have grown closer than I ever imagined....I don't know what I'm going to do without them...
But I know that I have to go on, this is the opportunity my life has been waiting for and I have to seize if while I still have the chance. I need to get out of here, to make my own way in the world, to be the first in my family to graduate. That's a big goal I've set for myself and I have to fulfill it...I have to.
I know this is something that I should be chastised for asking of everyone and it's something I definitely need to do for myself;
prayforme
On a slightly better note, life is...improving to say the least. I'm getting all my college stuff done and out of the way. I still have to get a definite answer on an apartment and I'm currently finding a job up there. I'm scared out of my mind, I've never been more scared of anything in my entire life. What if I can't do it? What if I decide I don't like it? What if I get homesick? What if I miss my friends? Or you? Life without you...isn't...what I want it to be, regardless of the fact that you are probably going to be there shortly there-after...but still...I don't want to be without you even for that short amount of time...that's what I'm most scared of...being without everyone...my parents..my friends...my love...what am I going to do? Of course I still have a few friends up there...but not Lee...or Mark...I've never been far away from them like that...I know that sounds gay but I really don't care...if there is anyone in my life that I depend on it's them...people really don't understand the extent of how close the three of us are....Mark has drifted off a bit...but Lee and I have grown closer than I ever imagined....I don't know what I'm going to do without them...
But I know that I have to go on, this is the opportunity my life has been waiting for and I have to seize if while I still have the chance. I need to get out of here, to make my own way in the world, to be the first in my family to graduate. That's a big goal I've set for myself and I have to fulfill it...I have to.
I know this is something that I should be chastised for asking of everyone and it's something I definitely need to do for myself;
prayforme