Case 01 - for pocketwatson

[consulting_det]

"Case 01"
Who: Sherlock and John (pocketwatson )
When: John's memory of Sherlock seems to be gone forever, along with his memory of being a soldier and a doctor.  Life at Baker Street is disjointed.  Still, Sherlock is determined to work his way back into John's thoughts.  Occurs after " Dream a Little Death."

Finally, another case.  Sherlock is nearly grateful

Comments

[pocketwatson]

"Piss off."

John's tired. He's tired of all the headaches he keeps getting. He's tired of not being able to get to sleep at night. And he's tired of trying to accomodate Sherlock into his life, because it certainly doesn't seem like Sherlock's trying to accomodate him.

"I'll sit however the bloody hell I want to."

[consulting_det]

'Piss off' sounded angry. Sherlock turns his head to look at John, stoic as ever, though there's a storm brewing behind his eyes. He has a momentary thought of having the cab pull over so he can get out and set John home again. He can't bring himself to do that.

So instead, Sherlock pulls out his mobile.

I'm going crazy.

He sends this off to Moriarty, who, though dead, had served as a confidant to Sherlock for days now. He's cracking, he knows this, especially when he keeps checking back for a response. Luckily, the ride isn't too long. The police are already there.

"John, how're you feeling?" Lestrade asks, offering his hand.

[pocketwatson]

"I'm making due," he says, shaking Lestrade's hand. The two have a brief chat - during which John seems much more amiable with Lestrade than he's been with Sherlock - and then Lestrade pulls Sherlock aside to discuss the case.

John, for his part, isn't sure what to do here or why he's here at all. So he just hangs around at the edges. An officer who introduces herself as Sally Donovan comes up to chat a bit, and she seems to be one of Sherlock's lesser fans.

[consulting_det]

Actually, most everyone here is a lesser fan of Sherlock Holmes. They had briefly reached out to John (not that he could remember) about the man's death but now that he was back and decidedly not dead and even more decidedly an arsehole once more, they were quick to jump off of the bandwagon.

"So you really don't remember anything?" Sally knew this was insensative. "Why don't you run while you can, then? He's insane."

[pocketwatson]

John can go two ways from here. He doesn't know Sally, or how she and Sherlock are about each other. He could easily flip on the charm and chat her up and be fine with it. But he doesn't want to. He's been vaguely watching Sherlock the entire time.

"Hmm?" He finally glances back at Sally. "Oh. We're engaged." John pauses, shrugging. "Well, were, I guess. Details - The point is, it'd be pretty heartless to ditch out on the man who loves me. Or loved. Still not clear on it."

John has lost all modesty with his memory.

[consulting_det]

"Engaged?" Sally looks at John as if he's having her on. She's known that he and Sherlock were close, probably dangerously, and that perhaps they were lovers (she doesn't take anything Anderson says about Sherlock seriously, even if she doesn't trust the consulting detective), but engaged? She shakes her head. "Are you sure? He's a liar. And that's proven."

She leaves John with that little tidbit, telling him not to trust anything he's told when it comes from a sociopath's mouth.

[pocketwatson]

That ... Had never occured to John. That Sherlock might be lying. It doesn't seem - He looks around the area, watching people and how they are with Sherlock. It's not as though he was in love or anything, but he gets this weird clenching in his stomach.

He doesn't even have a ring. It could be a lie. Maybe they'd never been lovers, just flatmates, and Sherlock always wanted to but -

"I just -- Excuse me, can you tell him I've gone home?" he asks a nearby officer. "Sherlock Holmes? I don't want to interrupt him while he's working. Thanks."

John fetches a cab with relative ease.

[consulting_det]

John's evidently forgotten those letters Sherlock's saved. But that's understandable. It's easier to believe that a liar will continue lying. And at this point, the chemistry between them seems strained. Even for Sherlock.

The man is painfully awkward, socially inept...how could a man like John love him? Sherlock's actually be wondering that for years now.

He knows John is gone before he finishes up his analysis. Lestrade just shrugs and Sherlock does something he's never done before. He lets the detective take him to Scotland Yard in the back of a police car. "Tell Anderson he's off the case."

He'll be gone all night.

[pocketwatson]

He doesn't forget the letters. He goes straight to them when he gets home and reads them over. A few times.

He'd been so caught up in this man. What had he seen that no one else had? Will he ever feel that way again?

John pulls out his phone and thinks of texting Sherlock. He's got nothing to say, though. The phone gets tossed aside and he spends the night online, looking at flats.

[consulting_det]

It's not unusual for Sherlock to spy. He's done it to John almost constantly since they've met, being way too interested in him and all of his quirks and all of the people he is friends with or interested in. Sherlock's not surprised to see John's browser history therefore when he returns in the morning.

He isn't even surprised how little it makes him feel. He's numb. Well that's not new. What is new is the outburst, especially when he doesn't believe himself to be emotionally attached to this situation.

John will find his laptop absolutely destroyed when he comes down to let Gladstone out. Sherlock's gone again. And so is his Stradivarius.

[pocketwatson]

The laptop makes John feel absolutely solid in his decision to move out. He needs to re-live life, he can't walk on egg shells all the time. When he takes Gladstone out, it's to look at flats.

By the time John returns home, he's got a deposit down and a lease signed. He's called Sarah and she's giving him good clinic job appropriate to his skills.

Absolutely perfect. He just needs to pack.

[consulting_det]

There are two things that it's taken Sherlock far too long to say, and both times they are prompted by the eminant loss of John Watson. The first was cried out against a chainlink fence, fingers curls through the wire as if he could reach out and hold the man that was leaving. "I love you." It had been one of the worst moments of his life, seeing John get onto that bus.

The second is said through a door. Sherlock can't see John at all, but he can hear him pack. He's terrified, and that's not something that Sherlock can handle. His got a thousand things going on in his head right now and more than half involve the lovely way needles and certain chemicals can make him feel.

His deep voice is coated in agony. "I'm sorry." Genuinely, truly, sorry.

[pocketwatson]

With the quietest of sighs, John goes to open his door. He looks up at Sherlock, this looming and intimidating man, and the smallest part of him wants to pull Sherlock in and tell him it'll be all right.

"Don't be. It just needs to happen, this." Then, another sigh. "I'm sorry I'm not the man you wanted to marry. Maybe I'll be him again some day. Maybe I'll never be. I think it's best if you just forget him. I don't want to disappoint you anymore."

[consulting_det]

He's been doing very well up until that point. Minus the little confession of his sorrow, he still held himself together. Gladstone, who seemed to know that something wasn't right, just stayed on John's bed, almost as if he was afraid. As if he knew that his 'parents' were seperating.

John's seen Sherlock tear up several times but the only instance it had actually counted, the man was too far away to do more than hear the grief that was pouring down his cheeks through a cracking voice.

Sherlock closes his eyes as if they're just too full to open. Two identical ribbons of moisture slip down his cheeks. "He--" Because this idiot can not be his precious John-- "is too important to ever forget. Leave those letters. They're mine."

[pocketwatson]

John looks down, unable to watch Sherlock.

"Sounds like a stand up guy. Look, Sherlock, I just need to get sorted out. I can't ... I know it's been hard on you. I know it has, but it's hard on me, too. Trying to be this man that everyone adores. I just ... Need to learn how to be myself on my own. Stupid as it sounds. If you love me, or loved, or whatever, you'll let me."

[consulting_det]

There's nothing left to say. Sherlock wipes visciously at his eyes and leaves. He doesn't want to watch John go, he doesn't want to say goodbye to Gladstone, he doesn't want to squabble over what's his and what isn't. John belongs to him. Sherlock is beyond possessive.

But he will let him go. Not because he loves him, but because this is killing him. He's a selfish, petty man. And his grief is all consuming.

Besides. He can track John no matter where he goes. He'll never really be gone.