aaron mcgruder is hot
so the question we all know multiple answers to of the day is why the hell am i not a paid columnist for entertainment weekly or some shit? why the hell am i toiling away my hours in a cubicle helping guys whack off and in between calls reading the insipid entertainment news media publications that my office subscribes to, part of what helps me qualify as as an informed pop cultural commentator? i can pontificate about the cultural/political significance of evenecensce's popularity, potential ramifications of the matirix sequal...I don't even just want a way to mouth off about "politics", i'll give you my heartfelt jlo/ben analysis. because the fact is, i do feel some sincere affection for jlo. i feel legitimate affection towards multiple celebrities. part of why i would make an excellent entertainment columnist/whatevs. in fact, i believe my engagement with pop culture is in some ways reaching new levels of regression and sincerity.
take christina aguilera. I love christina aguilera now/ i used to think she was boring--and look, i own all three britney albums. two are bootlegs, but i woulda even bought the second one new if i couldn't get a bootleg if i knew how great it is before buying. but i thought christina was boring. then dirrty came out and now i love her. i love her new stuff. i love her persona. i love what she's doing. i think it's great. i mean, some people around me don't really get it, cuz they're not in the workshop at the phone sex business where all the girls are talking about the new christina video and how great it is. they don't get it. cuz christina is top 40 pop for people like me. doesn't happen that much. and don't you dare burst my bubble. i just saw the fighter video and it's brilliant. and the regressive part is how sincerely i enjoy it all *and* feel a 3rd-grade-like identification with her which is a result of her superho persona that i find validating and the fucking US magazine interview where she talked about her "troubled" childhood...see, celebrities are relatable, they come from fucked up famiolies too! it's totally transparent and infantile and i am so there.
my current plan is to write an "it happened to me" story for jane magazine about like "it happened to me: i did phone sex" because 1-they pay ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for it happened to me stories ande 2-my current at work lil fantasy is that jane accepts it and is so charmed by my witty and vaguely leftist nyc hipster girl prose that i am able to wrangle a job writing shit for them. goddamn it. for awhile my at work fantasy was going into the entertainment weekly offices and getting into the office of someone high up and saying i am tired of doing phone sex and you WANT to hire me to write for you because my no-holds-barred younger-demo edgy pop cultural analysis is exactly the lifeblood your publication must be injected with in order for it to become *the* relevent publication for entertainment news at which point i'd either commence to live out some kind of pomo inverted mary tyler moore few moments in which said high-up is so taken by my spunk and "has a feeling about me" and offers me a job or they're just like whatthefuck, um, no. and the daydream ends.
i've been writing more porn at work as part of yet another make-some-cash-maybe scheme. perhaps i will post some for feedback. i'll post a warning first so as not to traumatize anyone.
take christina aguilera. I love christina aguilera now/ i used to think she was boring--and look, i own all three britney albums. two are bootlegs, but i woulda even bought the second one new if i couldn't get a bootleg if i knew how great it is before buying. but i thought christina was boring. then dirrty came out and now i love her. i love her new stuff. i love her persona. i love what she's doing. i think it's great. i mean, some people around me don't really get it, cuz they're not in the workshop at the phone sex business where all the girls are talking about the new christina video and how great it is. they don't get it. cuz christina is top 40 pop for people like me. doesn't happen that much. and don't you dare burst my bubble. i just saw the fighter video and it's brilliant. and the regressive part is how sincerely i enjoy it all *and* feel a 3rd-grade-like identification with her which is a result of her superho persona that i find validating and the fucking US magazine interview where she talked about her "troubled" childhood...see, celebrities are relatable, they come from fucked up famiolies too! it's totally transparent and infantile and i am so there.
my current plan is to write an "it happened to me" story for jane magazine about like "it happened to me: i did phone sex" because 1-they pay ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for it happened to me stories ande 2-my current at work lil fantasy is that jane accepts it and is so charmed by my witty and vaguely leftist nyc hipster girl prose that i am able to wrangle a job writing shit for them. goddamn it. for awhile my at work fantasy was going into the entertainment weekly offices and getting into the office of someone high up and saying i am tired of doing phone sex and you WANT to hire me to write for you because my no-holds-barred younger-demo edgy pop cultural analysis is exactly the lifeblood your publication must be injected with in order for it to become *the* relevent publication for entertainment news at which point i'd either commence to live out some kind of pomo inverted mary tyler moore few moments in which said high-up is so taken by my spunk and "has a feeling about me" and offers me a job or they're just like whatthefuck, um, no. and the daydream ends.
i've been writing more porn at work as part of yet another make-some-cash-maybe scheme. perhaps i will post some for feedback. i'll post a warning first so as not to traumatize anyone.