Utena- Whather You Fall (6/6)
Title: Whether You Fall
Chapter 5: Our Teenage Sky
Fandom: Utena
Characters/Pairing: Wakaba, Shiori, and Juri
Summary: Winter break arrives and someone is nudged in the right direction.
A/N: May be aquatinted.
The rain, it keeps pouring down
And the winter sky is here
Even at night the stars are veiled
The moon is hiding too
I keep screwing things up
I wish I knew what to do
If the rain could fix my life
It would wash away all my past
I could finally go back to you
Free to love you at last
The Ohtori campus was damp from the seasonal rains, and the autumn was giving way to colder weather as the winter break loomed in the distance. It was going to be another vacation alone for Shiori. It was just the way things worked in her life. She'd probably receive a Christmas card in the mail and a letter of two from Juri, but just as in the summer she'd be alone. For the winter break the school didn’t bother with new room assignments or trying to consolidate the small remaining student population. They just turned down the heat and made sure everyone had extra blankets.
Shiori had been off her crutches for about a month. She went to the gym as well as fencing practices in an effort to strengthen her ankles, and she took lunches alone most days as far from the rest of the student body as she could. And there was a part of her that was determined to remain as miserable as possible, but Juri refused to let her mope for too long.
Time had a funny way of making things from the past seem irrelevant. Shiori was feeling like old baggage a lot of the time when she was with Juri, because the stalwart captain of the fencing team had found herself the sudden object of affection from one of the team member's siblings. She was terribly jealous of the ease with which Juri seemed to achieve happiness, but despite the jealousy she refused to let Ruka's ghost goad her into feeling like a complete loser.
Shiori meandered along the winding paths of the school after the evening's fencing practice, and stopped along a large block of jasmine bushes that were dormant in the winter weather. She recalled something Wakaba had pointed out to her during the summer and tried to remember which patch of jasmine it was that never bloomed. She moved along letting her fingers glide along the damp bushes, until she stopped at one that had a small pink piece of string tied to it.
She grinned and touched the sting. It had been out in the rain too much and was about to fall apart. She dug in her book bag and pulled out a miscellaneous strand of brown ribbon. It had come from a school project, she thought it might have been an art book or something she had to bind, but it wasn't really important. She tied the ribbon to the bush making a neat bow, and then she wandered back to her dorm.
She was feeling a little tired. She needed to get some sleep, and she hoped that she'd be able to manage it once her head hit her pillow.
I covet the stars and the light they bring
My wanting leads me back to thinking of you
Things I covet and never take
Stars, princes, swords, and butterflies
Girls who are just girls, and isn't that what you want
I'm tired of princes
I'm tired of living to be saved
The illusion is stabbing me
It's washed away in the rain
And I see the real world, dark and dreary
I see the real world and the sky above
I covet the stars and all your love
When she saw the ribbon Wakaba's first reaction was to tear it away, but then she looked at the color and found herself sighing. She felt as if the winter break was never going to arrive. Things felt all wrong and maybe after the break things could start over. She could try again, though not with Tatsuya, and she was desperate to avoid thinking about Shiori. Her thoughts for a new life on campus were just to blend in with the rest of the crowds, be the normal girl, and just concentrate on school work. Maybe she would join a club. She liked cooking. That would probably be a good club to join.
She felt ridiculous and terrible. She thought she'd feel less terrible after she broke up with Tatsuya, but then he had to be such a nice good guy about everything. He had to be understanding and cool about it. If he had at least caused a scene she could feel okay, but she didn’t feel okay. She felt like a terrible person, and it was a ridiculous way to feel just because of a breakup.
Wakaba reached out and touched the ribbon. It was a familiar shade. She seemed to remember it from something, and she didn't want it to belong to who she thought it belonged to. That would be a bit too much. It would be too odd to have Shiori remember about the jasmine, because it would be romantic. Romance was the last thing she wanted to think about, and so of course it was all she was thinking about.
She left the jasmine and continued along on her walk. Just before she reached the path to her dorms the sky opened up and rain came down in a violent torrent. Not having an umbrella she ran for the nearest covering she saw. It was a gazebo, and as she looked over to see who was occupying the space with her she shook her head and cursed her rotten luck.
She kept her gaze straight ahead, watching students race around with umbrellas or books over their heads and run into buildings and under awnings. When she thought about it, the gazebo hand been a bad idea from the start, but now she couldn't just leave and run away into a random building.
Wakaba sighed and then said, "Are we going to ignore each other?"
"We don't have to," Juri said softly. She crossed her arms over her chest and then moved forward to lean against a semi-damp pillar that was closer to Wakaba's location. "Bad weather we're having."
"You know I'm still pretty pissed at you people." Wakaba said softly. "The ex-student council members, you all…" She trailed off and turned to face Juri. Juri had her eyes closed and a fist clenched. "It was a bad time for everyone, I guess," Wakaba said. "I suppose I can't exactly blame you."
Juri shrugged. "I don’t want to get into it with you. Let's try another difficult subject instead."
Wakaba made a noise that was a cross between a huff and chuckle. She nodded and then said, "You and Shiori-"
"Are old friends," Juri cut in. "Though, I'm told I come across as an over bearing boyfriend."
"I suppose it can’t be helped if you care about someone." She shook her head and then said, "You should make her challenge you during practice."
"I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. She's very stubborn like that." Juri shifted her position slightly, arms still crossed over her chest. "Sometimes I think she's just afraid of becoming great. Someone once forcefully showed her her place, and I think it might have cut at her confidence."
"Maybe she just wants to be a normal girl."
Juri nodded, "I think it's possible to great and still be normal, but…I don't know. I'm not a good judge of her sometimes."
Wakaba tilted her head slightly and asked, "Why?"
"Because I keep forgetting she's not a fragile creature who needs my protection." Juri looked out across the paths. "The rains letting up, I should go." She stepped down onto the grass and then turned to look up at Wakaba. "She misses you," she said steadily, "You should visit her over the break. It's sort of a shame that she's always stuck here."
Wakaba nodded and then shook her head as Juri walked off. She crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her foot lightly. She was tired of the way things were going. The problem was, and it was only a silly fear, she wasn't sure exactly how to make things better.
Tell me what I want to hear
That you won't be a hero
That you won't be a prince
Tell me that you've cast off the metaphors of the past
And that you are who you appear to be
An ordinary girl, a lovely and warm revelation
Someone searching as I am searching
Someone without answers
Tell me what I want to hear
Tell me we can just be as we are
Let me understand that this wishing
Doesn't leave a lasting scar
Winter break was already perfectly miserable. The weather got worse and Shiori was forced to spend more time indoors than she liked. There was a report she heard somewhere that it was going to snow, and she dreaded that. She didn't mind the rain, but she didn't want to spend too much time splashing in the puddles, because getting sick on top of everything else would just make her even more miserable.
She would, if the rain was light, go out and check on the condition of the jasmine. She replaced the ribbon once, but that was only because it was fraying at the ends. Otherwise she spent a lot of time reading and practicing her fencing drills in the middle of the hallway. She wasn't going get out of form just because it was break. She may have been a mediocre fencer, but it was better than being a complete failure. Average seemed to suit her state of mind, despite any secret wishes to be something more.
Shiori was rereading one of her favorite books, pencil in hand to underline favorite quotes, when a knock came to her door. It wasn't likely to be anyone she wanted it to be. She thought this because hoping for anything else, wishing for some sort of life affirming miracle seemed, at this point, rather silly. And, she supposed, as she shuffled towards her door, it wasn't even a life affirming miracle she was hoping for. She just wanted something good to happen.
She opened the door, and found her breath catching in her throat.
"Hi." Wakaba said.
"Hi." She blinked as her brain tried to give a nanosecond lecture about always believing in miracles that she couldn't even process.
"Can I come in? Your hallway is freezing."
"Of course." She opened the door wider and watched Wakaba enter. "You can sit…" She trailed off when she noticed Wakaba take an automatic seat on the bed. She shut the door and sat down next to Wakaba.
"I freaked out." Wakaba said softly.
"I know."
"I broke up with Tatsuya."
"I'm sorry." Shiori said.
"Really?" Wakaba grinned slightly, almost laughing.
"Okay, not really, but he is a good guy. It's…" She paused and then sighed. "I haven't seen you all break long."
"I was being silly and avoiding the outdoors." She grimaced and started to play with the edge of the sleeves to her sweater. "Shiori, I do…I really do like you."
Shiori nodded. "I like you too." She put her hand over her mouth and then huffed. She turned in her spot so she could get a better look at Wakaba. "If it's…" She shook her head and started again, "We can just be friends if everything else seems too weird."
"No we can't." Wakaba said quickly.
"What?"
"This is so stupid."
"Is it?" Shiori shrugged. "I guess it is." She leaned back on the bed and then said, "Wakaba?"
"Yes."
"Did you make a wish when we saw that falling star over the summer?"
"Yeah."
"What was it?"
Wakaba mirrored Shiori's position and then rolled over on her side to look at her companion's profile. She grinned and said, "If I tell you it won't come true."
"Really?" She smiled and rolled over to face Wakaba. "Will you freak out if I kiss you?"
"No."
Shiori smiled. "Good." She scooted closer and kissed Wakaba softly. Wakaba responded by completely pouncing on her and pinning her to the bed. "My goodness!"
"I'm just making sure you aren't going anywhere."
"Where else would I possibly go?"
Wakaba giggled and kissed her, deeply.
All your love is shown
And you're not alone
Though it may not last
I like the thought of us having a past
And in the dream of youth
Whispering forevers that may never come
Finding I've found myself when it's all done
I won’t wish away these moments
I don't find regret in your arms
Let's make believe it's true love for now
And that thought can keep us safe from harm
End.
Chapter 5: Our Teenage Sky
Fandom: Utena
Characters/Pairing: Wakaba, Shiori, and Juri
Summary: Winter break arrives and someone is nudged in the right direction.
A/N: May be aquatinted.
The rain, it keeps pouring down
And the winter sky is here
Even at night the stars are veiled
The moon is hiding too
I keep screwing things up
I wish I knew what to do
If the rain could fix my life
It would wash away all my past
I could finally go back to you
Free to love you at last
The Ohtori campus was damp from the seasonal rains, and the autumn was giving way to colder weather as the winter break loomed in the distance. It was going to be another vacation alone for Shiori. It was just the way things worked in her life. She'd probably receive a Christmas card in the mail and a letter of two from Juri, but just as in the summer she'd be alone. For the winter break the school didn’t bother with new room assignments or trying to consolidate the small remaining student population. They just turned down the heat and made sure everyone had extra blankets.
Shiori had been off her crutches for about a month. She went to the gym as well as fencing practices in an effort to strengthen her ankles, and she took lunches alone most days as far from the rest of the student body as she could. And there was a part of her that was determined to remain as miserable as possible, but Juri refused to let her mope for too long.
Time had a funny way of making things from the past seem irrelevant. Shiori was feeling like old baggage a lot of the time when she was with Juri, because the stalwart captain of the fencing team had found herself the sudden object of affection from one of the team member's siblings. She was terribly jealous of the ease with which Juri seemed to achieve happiness, but despite the jealousy she refused to let Ruka's ghost goad her into feeling like a complete loser.
Shiori meandered along the winding paths of the school after the evening's fencing practice, and stopped along a large block of jasmine bushes that were dormant in the winter weather. She recalled something Wakaba had pointed out to her during the summer and tried to remember which patch of jasmine it was that never bloomed. She moved along letting her fingers glide along the damp bushes, until she stopped at one that had a small pink piece of string tied to it.
She grinned and touched the sting. It had been out in the rain too much and was about to fall apart. She dug in her book bag and pulled out a miscellaneous strand of brown ribbon. It had come from a school project, she thought it might have been an art book or something she had to bind, but it wasn't really important. She tied the ribbon to the bush making a neat bow, and then she wandered back to her dorm.
She was feeling a little tired. She needed to get some sleep, and she hoped that she'd be able to manage it once her head hit her pillow.
I covet the stars and the light they bring
My wanting leads me back to thinking of you
Things I covet and never take
Stars, princes, swords, and butterflies
Girls who are just girls, and isn't that what you want
I'm tired of princes
I'm tired of living to be saved
The illusion is stabbing me
It's washed away in the rain
And I see the real world, dark and dreary
I see the real world and the sky above
I covet the stars and all your love
When she saw the ribbon Wakaba's first reaction was to tear it away, but then she looked at the color and found herself sighing. She felt as if the winter break was never going to arrive. Things felt all wrong and maybe after the break things could start over. She could try again, though not with Tatsuya, and she was desperate to avoid thinking about Shiori. Her thoughts for a new life on campus were just to blend in with the rest of the crowds, be the normal girl, and just concentrate on school work. Maybe she would join a club. She liked cooking. That would probably be a good club to join.
She felt ridiculous and terrible. She thought she'd feel less terrible after she broke up with Tatsuya, but then he had to be such a nice good guy about everything. He had to be understanding and cool about it. If he had at least caused a scene she could feel okay, but she didn’t feel okay. She felt like a terrible person, and it was a ridiculous way to feel just because of a breakup.
Wakaba reached out and touched the ribbon. It was a familiar shade. She seemed to remember it from something, and she didn't want it to belong to who she thought it belonged to. That would be a bit too much. It would be too odd to have Shiori remember about the jasmine, because it would be romantic. Romance was the last thing she wanted to think about, and so of course it was all she was thinking about.
She left the jasmine and continued along on her walk. Just before she reached the path to her dorms the sky opened up and rain came down in a violent torrent. Not having an umbrella she ran for the nearest covering she saw. It was a gazebo, and as she looked over to see who was occupying the space with her she shook her head and cursed her rotten luck.
She kept her gaze straight ahead, watching students race around with umbrellas or books over their heads and run into buildings and under awnings. When she thought about it, the gazebo hand been a bad idea from the start, but now she couldn't just leave and run away into a random building.
Wakaba sighed and then said, "Are we going to ignore each other?"
"We don't have to," Juri said softly. She crossed her arms over her chest and then moved forward to lean against a semi-damp pillar that was closer to Wakaba's location. "Bad weather we're having."
"You know I'm still pretty pissed at you people." Wakaba said softly. "The ex-student council members, you all…" She trailed off and turned to face Juri. Juri had her eyes closed and a fist clenched. "It was a bad time for everyone, I guess," Wakaba said. "I suppose I can't exactly blame you."
Juri shrugged. "I don’t want to get into it with you. Let's try another difficult subject instead."
Wakaba made a noise that was a cross between a huff and chuckle. She nodded and then said, "You and Shiori-"
"Are old friends," Juri cut in. "Though, I'm told I come across as an over bearing boyfriend."
"I suppose it can’t be helped if you care about someone." She shook her head and then said, "You should make her challenge you during practice."
"I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. She's very stubborn like that." Juri shifted her position slightly, arms still crossed over her chest. "Sometimes I think she's just afraid of becoming great. Someone once forcefully showed her her place, and I think it might have cut at her confidence."
"Maybe she just wants to be a normal girl."
Juri nodded, "I think it's possible to great and still be normal, but…I don't know. I'm not a good judge of her sometimes."
Wakaba tilted her head slightly and asked, "Why?"
"Because I keep forgetting she's not a fragile creature who needs my protection." Juri looked out across the paths. "The rains letting up, I should go." She stepped down onto the grass and then turned to look up at Wakaba. "She misses you," she said steadily, "You should visit her over the break. It's sort of a shame that she's always stuck here."
Wakaba nodded and then shook her head as Juri walked off. She crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her foot lightly. She was tired of the way things were going. The problem was, and it was only a silly fear, she wasn't sure exactly how to make things better.
Tell me what I want to hear
That you won't be a hero
That you won't be a prince
Tell me that you've cast off the metaphors of the past
And that you are who you appear to be
An ordinary girl, a lovely and warm revelation
Someone searching as I am searching
Someone without answers
Tell me what I want to hear
Tell me we can just be as we are
Let me understand that this wishing
Doesn't leave a lasting scar
Winter break was already perfectly miserable. The weather got worse and Shiori was forced to spend more time indoors than she liked. There was a report she heard somewhere that it was going to snow, and she dreaded that. She didn't mind the rain, but she didn't want to spend too much time splashing in the puddles, because getting sick on top of everything else would just make her even more miserable.
She would, if the rain was light, go out and check on the condition of the jasmine. She replaced the ribbon once, but that was only because it was fraying at the ends. Otherwise she spent a lot of time reading and practicing her fencing drills in the middle of the hallway. She wasn't going get out of form just because it was break. She may have been a mediocre fencer, but it was better than being a complete failure. Average seemed to suit her state of mind, despite any secret wishes to be something more.
Shiori was rereading one of her favorite books, pencil in hand to underline favorite quotes, when a knock came to her door. It wasn't likely to be anyone she wanted it to be. She thought this because hoping for anything else, wishing for some sort of life affirming miracle seemed, at this point, rather silly. And, she supposed, as she shuffled towards her door, it wasn't even a life affirming miracle she was hoping for. She just wanted something good to happen.
She opened the door, and found her breath catching in her throat.
"Hi." Wakaba said.
"Hi." She blinked as her brain tried to give a nanosecond lecture about always believing in miracles that she couldn't even process.
"Can I come in? Your hallway is freezing."
"Of course." She opened the door wider and watched Wakaba enter. "You can sit…" She trailed off when she noticed Wakaba take an automatic seat on the bed. She shut the door and sat down next to Wakaba.
"I freaked out." Wakaba said softly.
"I know."
"I broke up with Tatsuya."
"I'm sorry." Shiori said.
"Really?" Wakaba grinned slightly, almost laughing.
"Okay, not really, but he is a good guy. It's…" She paused and then sighed. "I haven't seen you all break long."
"I was being silly and avoiding the outdoors." She grimaced and started to play with the edge of the sleeves to her sweater. "Shiori, I do…I really do like you."
Shiori nodded. "I like you too." She put her hand over her mouth and then huffed. She turned in her spot so she could get a better look at Wakaba. "If it's…" She shook her head and started again, "We can just be friends if everything else seems too weird."
"No we can't." Wakaba said quickly.
"What?"
"This is so stupid."
"Is it?" Shiori shrugged. "I guess it is." She leaned back on the bed and then said, "Wakaba?"
"Yes."
"Did you make a wish when we saw that falling star over the summer?"
"Yeah."
"What was it?"
Wakaba mirrored Shiori's position and then rolled over on her side to look at her companion's profile. She grinned and said, "If I tell you it won't come true."
"Really?" She smiled and rolled over to face Wakaba. "Will you freak out if I kiss you?"
"No."
Shiori smiled. "Good." She scooted closer and kissed Wakaba softly. Wakaba responded by completely pouncing on her and pinning her to the bed. "My goodness!"
"I'm just making sure you aren't going anywhere."
"Where else would I possibly go?"
Wakaba giggled and kissed her, deeply.
All your love is shown
And you're not alone
Though it may not last
I like the thought of us having a past
And in the dream of youth
Whispering forevers that may never come
Finding I've found myself when it's all done
I won’t wish away these moments
I don't find regret in your arms
Let's make believe it's true love for now
And that thought can keep us safe from harm
End.