Half-Baked: Violently Happy
Title: Violently Happy
Fandom: Pretear, Utena, Gundam Wing, X1999
Characters/Pairings: Goh, Shiori, Kei, Sally/Noin, Kanoe
Word Count: 7300
Summary: AU. At college, Goh intends to study, but ends up exploring his wilder side. Is it all an escape from his obligations or simply discovering other aspects of his personality? Prequel to 'Some Half-Baked Ideal Called Wonderful' for a glimpse of Goh's past.
A/N: written in August, 2002. aquatinted. Well, I'm in the habit of writing prequel's for my longer story "Some Half-Baked Ideal Called Wonderful." This one is about Goh and Shiori's past. As far as anime characters being paired up together, I don't really think that anyone else should even consider these two together. Somehow, they have a mutual past in Half-Baked and I felt that I wanted to explore that a bit. Alternate reality-so I took a few creative liberties of course. I apologize about my math knowledge; I had enough information to get in trouble so I used it. If I've made grand errors, please forgive me. Characters not mine. Lyrics are Bjork. Enjoy.
***
He did what most high school student graduates do when they turn eighteen. He decided to leave home and attend the university. Explore fraternities and late night cram sessions, binge on pizza and beer and somehow manage to study and work with non-linear optimization or at least get a BS in Mathematics. Of course, it all made sense to him even as he moved into the dorm room. Altoid shaped light in the center of a cinder block room casting a sickly golden glow.
His parents had helped him get the minimal number of boxes into the room and left him staring at the bare furniture and bunks. He zeroed in on the computer his parents had just purchased him for graduating second in his class (he was too bored to bother with knocking the class valedictorian out of her spot) and started setting it up letting it preoccupy his thoughts.
"Justin Vaughn-Goh." It was a strange voice for guy, a touch high and a little nasally.
"Please, just Goh." Then he laughed at his own joke. Damn, if he didn't think he was funny some times.
"Ha." The nasally aspect dropped, but when Goh turned to see the gangly boy in the doorway the tone was still pitched a bit higher than one would expect from a college freshman. "Fine, I'll call you Goh if you call me Kei."
"Tokei Yamamoto?"
"Kei, Kei, Kei. I agreed I'd call you Goh."
Goh took a closer look at his new roommate who had up to that point been scarce from the frantic freshman move-in. Every box in the ridiculously small room they expected him to share with Tokei Yamamoto was marked "Vaughn-Goh."
"Where's you stuff, Kei?" Goh asked letting a wiry grin slip across his tanned features. Kei was distracted by sophisticatedly ogling what Goh had unpacked so far. Letting one trim and way too effeminate finger trace along the edge of the computer monitor.
"I'm having it brought up." Kei peered down his nose and chin sniffing like unimpressed royalty. Then he pulled back his blond hair with one hand and deliberately, without looking at Goh said, "I hope you don't mind, I asked one of the men to construct lofts for us."
"Lofts?" Goh shrugged, "That's cool."
"Well . . ." Kei dismissed the comment and changed the subject, "So what's your major?"
"Mathematics."
"Me, too."
"No way." Goh blinked a few times, certain that the wispy boy would have said art or theater. "Well, maybe it'll make it easier to study together."
"I want to design computer games."
"Ah," but before Goh could comment more or finish hooking up his extra speakers, three red-faced, well-built men actually wearing suits walked into the already limited space. Each hefting two ridiculously large carpet bags.
"Clothes, Master Kei."
"Yes, yes. Put them . . . over there." Kei waved a hand, then turned back to Goh, "I'm also a theater minor. I adore costumes."
Goh smiled through the initial wince. Within hours, Kei and his man servants had transformed the room into a draped and decorated gothic sanctuary effectively concealing the offensive Altoid light that still could be heard faintly buzzing through the fabric now hanging over the ceiling.
"Marvelous!" Kei lightly slapped his hands together in approval before sending away his family's staff of what Goh jokingly called their indentured servants.
"At least we can't see the cinder blocks." Goh stood amazed, running one set of fingers through his slick dark hair and shaking his head.
***
Since I met you
This small town
hasn't got room
For my big feelings
***
Goh had grown up in the same city as the university and the shroud of his parent's influence had not escaped him. His first professor turned out to be a close personal friend of his father's and proceeded to announce that to the entire class of first year math majors. Somehow they had managed to conceal from him that they had made a substantial donation to the restoration of the campus library having and entire wing of the computer labs there named after "Vaughn-Goh" after their contribution.
Goh swore never to sign up for a class that planned on meeting in those labs.
He loved his parents, but he still couldn't keep down the urge of resentment whenever someone commented on how "little Justin Junior" looked just like his parents, sporting his mother's bow shaped mouth, his father full and expressively dark brows. Moreover, that was just the cafeteria workers and the women at the registrar's office. Goh swore to only eat fast food, delivered pizza, and to only schedule his classes over the telephone.
After a fitful first semester, Goh spent a dull three weeks locked out of the Dungeon (as the rest of their floor had christened Kei and his dorm room by the third hour they'd spent in it) and in the babysitting role of watching his two younger brothers while his mother waddled pregnant with a third.
Goh had been an unexpected honeymoon present, after which his parents had waited ten years to have another son. Mannen was eight. Hajime seven. And while waddling between the kitchen and the living room sofa, when she couldn't find Goh within shouting distance to wait on her, Mrs. Vaughn-Goh practiced baby names on her ample stomach until she felt the baby kick. "Shin it is." She announced contentedly, tapping her fingers against the taunt skin.
It was a long vacation, and Goh couldn't wait to get back to school. Then it was an even longer second semester. He felt like he had to be the only college student in all of history to find that his classes plodded along slower than the tortoise compared to the hare.
Until he came back to start his junior year.
He and Kei had somehow found a mutual perseverance through each other's terribly odd personality quirks. Kei coming back each term with his golden curls grown longer and fuller. By the third year, Kei had earned an auditioned placement into the campus theater group. Goh had successfully avoided the computer lab named in his family's honor, but had discovered that in the study room just outside a club of fellow math enthusiasts devoted to extracurricular space mapping principles. They'd also secured an off-campus apartment just off from fraternity row. Kei mentioned more than once how he hated walking through that strip of the campus, and Goh shrugged, flexed and offered to chaperone him back and forth for a small bodyguard fee.
It was on one of the fall evenings that Goh was returning home after toying with formulating a computational model that he glanced down to see a girl walking next to him.
"Hey." She said briskly, wearing a full brown jacket with shining buttons pulled tight to her form even as she stuffed her bare hands into the lined pockets. Flesh and brown. Brown hair, brown eyes. Goh had to confess he would have never noticed her if she hadn't skipped up to him at that moment.
"Hey." Goh echoed, slipping into his more extroverted mode, the personality that let him survive so many and much younger brothers.
"Where are you off to?" She glanced at the houses, "You really don't look much like a Greek."
"I'm not." Goh rolled his shoulders, which were the most filled out that they'd ever been by his twentieth year.
"But you don't look like an academic," She was watching him closely, walking sideways and as her breath quickened it whistled out in noticeable puffs. "I don't know you. I would have remembered meeting you."
"And I . . . don't think we've met." Goh corrected, realizing that even if he had met her he most likely wouldn't have remembered.
"Probably not, I've been visiting the houses, but they're so childish here. Don't you think?"
He noticed she was wearing a skirt, leaving her trim legs bare from just above the knee, and where the coat ended, to her anklet socks and delicately laced, brown shoes. The longer that she hovered, the more Goh noticed things that could be potentially attractive about her. Her playfully always open thin lips, her pink tongue, the rosy hue over her otherwise unaccented cheekbones. Very plain, very simple, and the most female creature he'd spoken to during his monkish tenure at the university.
Suddenly Goh felt like he'd be approaching college very badly.
"I asked you a question." She laughed, a coy and lyrical sound. Quite contrived, not that Goh knew any better. He was used to living with Kei and was quite accepting of anything out of the ordinary.
"I'm sorry." Goh glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. She was still watching him fully as they neared his apartment building.
"I asked you your name."
Reluctantly, he prepared for the fan-girl squeal of meeting the popular someone with prestigious parents, "Justin Vaughn-Goh. But just call me Goh already."
She shrieked, but with insane laughter. "I'll give it a go." She slapped him with her pale flesh fingers. "Goh? I'm new here, just transferred in this semester, and I hate this place. But you seem interesting." She cocked her head to one side, "My name is Shiori Takatsuki. I'm going to the city tonight and I need company. Want to come?"
He knew he should say "no." But when she didn't recognize him at all, he suddenly threw all caution to the wind. What trouble could he get into with such a petite little girl anyway, he said, "Yes."
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
***
The initial drink they tried was called a Crimson Quixote, named after the very first club they wandered into together.
Shiori had insisted that he change clothes and they'd laughed through the absent Kei's clothing until they found something of the slender fellows that Goh could squeeze into. A sequined red shirt that barely had the length to reach the low rising brown leather pants. 'You look so Robin Hood," Shiori had said inexplicably. Goh simply guffawed, mystified. She seemed satisfied with the yellow, button down blouse and plaid skirt she was already wearing.
Stepping into the bone throbbing pulse of his first club, Goh wondered what had taken him so long. Shiori curled one hand around his nearest bicep and her fingernails ran against his skin giving him shivers. Suddenly the school girl outfit she'd been so innocently been wearing before seemed anything but.
"Let's go get a drink." She whooped, pulling him forward. And that was when they discovered the Crimson Quixote. They ordered it without a clue what the bartender was mixing in it.
Goh had always been intrigued by alcohol but had little experience except for a few comfortable beer parties with buddies who only bought the cheap stuff and often forgot and served it dissatisfyingly warm. He felt the alcohol chase down his throat, set the glass down on the reflective bar and smiled ferociously wetting his lips. "Not bad," He said, disguising the novelty of the experience, glad that he had been able to satisfy them with his recently acquired over-21 driver's license.
"Dry is good." Shiori finished hers in one swallow as well, and rubbed her nose. "Dancing is better."
He had fairly good memories of cutting a place of admiration on the dance floor with his flexible partner, but, after frequent visits to the bar to test other and more intriguing combinations and titles, Goh wasn't certain what he was doing let alone who he was. And he found that strangely and very appealing.
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
Overemotional
Violently happy
***
"I don't like her." Kei folded his arms and planted his feet shoulder width apart, looking as stubborn and as authoritative as any male, soon-to- be college senior could with a foot long pony tail and better make-up than any of the sorority chicks on campus.
"Kei-kun," Goh groaned from the couch where he was trying to slowly adjust to being awake. Saturday nights with Shiori were becoming a regular celebration night and Kei had long ago given up asking where he was when he didn't come home. "This is no time to be jealous. I still like you. Maybe not in the same way that I . . . dig . . . Shiori but . . ."
"Let me remind you that it is my business when you continually take my clothes without asking, and keep returning them mangled and stained, if not worse . . . stretched." Kei's voice never rose during that sort of conversation, but stayed dangerously monotone.
Goh ran his hands over his chest and while rolling his eyes moaned, "Heaven forbid. But maybe I should go invest in a new wardrobe myself. Wanna go shopping?"
"Please," Kei continued, nose crinkled as if suddenly catching a disgusting smell, "And don't forget you're not the only math major in this apartment. I heard while finishing up my TA work for Professor Nemuro that the faculty has noted an obvious decline on your academic achievements."
" 'S tough." Goh reconsidered having his eyes opened as the glow of Kei's lava lamps was even becoming too much for his light-sensitive hang-over.
"I hate watching people screw themselves over," Kei whispered finally, "She's been nothing but bad news for you, buddy."
"Pshaw." Goh rolled so that his nose was in the darkest corner of the couch, "Shiori couldn't hurt anyone." And when his thoughts turned to her, he remembered the fascinating way that she had taken his hands the night before while they sat at the Crimson Quixote's round tables that held bright white lights under their surface which had caused the colors of their drinks to splatter in improbable directions like rainbow prisms across their faces. How her slim fingers had crossed in-between and around his darker ones. For a moment, lost in that thought, Goh forgot to breathe.
***
Come calm me down
Before I get into trouble
I tip-toe down to the shore
Stand by the ocean
Make it roar at me
And I roar back.
***
"Robin Hood to Little John, where are you?" Goh knocked on her door again. It was seven o'clock on a Saturday and he was anxious to participate in the Crimson Quixote's late night bachelor's competition. Shiori was always telling him that he had the best torso granted to a man since the statue of David (and in Goh's opinion that didn't count since it was a stone statue after all. Who could compete with that?).
"Shiori?" He changed tactics to peer in the window of the house she was sharing with about six other girls. After a first year, Shiori had decided to move in with an oddly mismatched group of seniors. Goh liked a few of them well enough, but the girl who answered him rapping at the window was no longer one of his favorites.
"What the hell do you want?"
"Lucrezia," Goh stammered a chuckle. He'd made the mistake of hitting on her when she'd dragged his sorry carcass home from a particularly experimental night of alcohol and a few other things someone had slipped to him along with the drink. One thing he vowed never to do again and kept quite faithfully. It didn't help matters that she was incredibly sexy if a ROTC member. She was only wearing a thin pair of green camouflage pants and a loose tank top. Evidently, she'd been having an evening workout with a faint shine of healthy sweat lifting from her shoulders, cheeks and chin. "I'm looking for Shiori."
Her expression paused for just a moment before her lips curled upward in the most sinister and wickedly pleased expression that Goh had ever seen. "Good luck, big guy. Shiori's out with Kanoe and we don't know when to expect them back."
"Who?" Goh filtered through his memories to try to remember which of the girls living there might have been Kanoe. He had a vague picture that she was the tallest one, real pale.
"Luce, what are you doing?" And then Sally Po tilted her flaxen-braids into the doorway, "Oh, hi, Goh." She smiled like he was her little brother even though they were the same age. "If you want to play with Shiori she's out for the evening."
"Out?" Goh pretended to pout, hiding his true disappointment. Shiori was the only one he went out with and if she were somewhere else, then he wasn't certain what to do.
"Don't be glum, sport." Sally smiled, her lips were always attractive to him and glossy. Goh noticed. He decided he liked that. "We'll tell her you were by."
"Yeah, right." Lucrezia stared at the sky, sure that was the last thing she was going to do for the testosterone laden mass of senior male in front of her.
"I'll tell her." Sally reassured, putting a hand around Lucrezia's sweaty waist and hips.
"Ah," Goh's eyes widened and he fought back the urge to snort, "Thanks, Sal. Tell her I'll leave my cel phone on." He turned and suddenly had no idea where to go. He'd given up on the cheap models the math club kept redundantly constructing. Kei was more annoyed at Goh than anything else right then and had most of his latest script left to memorize. Goh didn't really feel like rehearsing lines his entire Saturday evening.
"She's at the Hell Kat." He heard Lucrezia call after him. Goh stood straighter, even as he heard Sally reprimanding the other girl. He'd passed that place many times with Shiori on the way to their familiar haunt. If something was going on at the Hell Kat then Goh was going to be there.
He strolled confidently down the stairs and past the iron rod gateway into the basement level and only entryway into the Hell Kat. It took him exactly two minutes to figure out what sort of place he'd wandered into when he nonchalantly removed someone's hand from his jean clad bum and noticed that arm belonged to a guy dolled up prettier than his roommate, Kei.
"No thanks," Goh managed through gritted teeth. "I'm looking for a girl."
"Then you are way in the wrong place, man." The guy ogled Goh appreciatively a moment before being distracted by his friends again. Goh shrugged, trying to brush away an almost solid wall of smoke as he scanned the faces for either Shiori or Kanoe. He didn't have much of a chance to find her, because Shiori found him first.
"Goh!" She wrapped around his arm, trailing one nail down the length of his muscle, "You look so hot without sleeves. Makes me want to . . . I dunno . . ." She grinned up to him, with perfectly white teeth he found quite charming. "Oops, and I think he's thinking the same thing." She was looking at someone in particular, but Goh couldn't take his eyes off of her.
"Your hair." He managed to say around his thick tongue, he brushed it tentatively with his fingers, not sure if it were only a trick of the light.
"Purple!" She stepped back, showing it off, lifting it from her head and neck with her narrow fingers and then letting it cascade back down around her face again. "Awesome isn't it? I was always thinking that purple was my natural color. What do you think?"
"Simply amazing," Goh responded a bit bedazzled but wanting to be encouraging, "You must have just done it." He couldn't stop looking at her. Even her eyes were a different color. The way she never closed her mouth but always left it open just so when she wasn't speaking.
"What's that?" Shiori raised a hand to her ear and leaned toward him, her mouth dropping open further as if she might catch the words in between her teeth and chew some sense out of them. "The music here is so loud." She said louder, "Y'know, I was thinking you'd look great with something red in that dark, dark hair of yours. It's getting pretty grown out, Goh."
"Red." He repeated, wondering what he was missing. Something wasn't right. He wasn't connecting with his party friend like he used to.
"Yeah, I'll help you do it tomorrow. Or I'll pay for someone to do it." She added flippantly. "Red is easy."
"Tomorrow." He repeated.
"Yeah, tomorrow." Shiori was slipping away. "I'll see you then."
"What about tonight?" Goh said, trying not to sound frustrated.
"I'm . . . busy, tonight. But there's always tomorrow!" She rushed forward and wrapping her waif-like arms around his neck pulled herself up to kiss him rather soundly. Lingering much longer than Goh found comfortable, but starting something he didn't want to stop.
She twisted and disappeared between the thick dancers. He could still taste the lingering alcohol on his sober lips.
As he walked up the stairs and tried to decide where he was going from the front sidewalk, the first guy who had admired Goh's form-fitting jeans hollered after him, "Find your woman."
Goh turned and glared.
Catching a glimpse of Shiori miraculously through the sea of dancers even at that distance. Her arms lifted and her chin thrown back to admire the woman dancing with her. A tall and very pale woman. Kanoe.
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
I'm aiming too high
Violently happy
It will get me into trouble
Violently happy
I'll get into trouble
Real soon
If you don't get here
***
He was back down the steps before he realized what he was doing. A determined crease between his father's dark brows and a self-assured set to his mother's pursed lips. Casting a special scowl on the guy who had yelled after him, Goh then turned back to the dancers. Prowling to catch a glimpse of what he needed.
Finding it all so much easier to manipulate the others who wanted to dance with him when he was level-headed and they were the ones admiring him with freshly intoxicated admiration. Some of them could have attracted him once, but that didn't matter any more. He was bound and set to upset Shiori's basket. One way or another.
It took him five minutes to get nearly every dancer's attention. Six minutes to make sure that he had Shiori's.
"Excuse me." Goh weaseled his way between Shiori and Kanoe. Facing the taller woman, she was exactly his same height. Ignoring the smaller girl, he addressed Kanoe directly, "So is it an entire house full of girl's girls?" His tone straightforward and curious.
"What should it matter to you." Kanoe replied unbothered, instead interested by the boy's brash interruption. Misplacing his anger and giving the wrong woman his devoted attention. She could see Shiori bristling behind his shoulders.
"I dunno," Goh said flippantly, "Doesn't hurt to be the only guy in with a house of sexy chicks."
"And what would you have to offer?" Shiori interrupted at last, irritated and letting Goh rattle her. Kanoe watched amused by Shiori's jealousy. They were all standing too closely together to avoid the fluctuating movement of the bodies around them. Breathing in each other's space.
Without answering Goh smiled wanly, no humor in his eyes, "Oh, I'm sure I could learn a lot from you two." Kanoe raised an eyebrow.
"Think you can play with us, little boy?" Shiori began to lose her temper, her violet hair trembling uncontrolled.
"Begging yourself to be called a little girl." Kanoe frowned, trapping the shimmering blue gaze in her own. Shiori's lips constantly contorting, trying not to pout. "Children, I am going home for the evening. You two sort out your differences."
"Damn you, Goh." Shiori violently trembled as Kanoe left.
"Yeah, well," Goh wasn't quite sure what he'd done. Or what he'd started. Or who that strange person was who'd slipped out of his personality. "I wasn't just going to let you go without a fight."
"Really?"
He noticed the dramatic change in her tone, glancing down at her, she seemed quite pleased with herself. Content, he preferred to think. "Really." Goh repeated, "When you weren't at the house, I didn't know . . ."
"You . . . you." Shiori pulled on his arm. "Dance with me."
Baffled Goh followed. Dismissing his doubt, he'd gotten his girl.
***
I'm driving my car
Too fast
With ecstatic music on.
Violently happy
I'm getting too drunk
***
Within two weeks, Shiori had started sleeping over at the guys' apartment. Which made Kei anything but happy.
So Kei tried a different tactic, one that worked too well, "So, have you introduced Shiori to your parents? How about Mannen and Hajime and Shin. Shin's, what, three-ish now?" Goh hadn't been able to answer that, because more than anything he didn't want to have to accept those ties. "Goh," Kei tried for his attention again, "Shiori could leave you at any time, but there are some people that are just family. Some very good people that care about you."
"I love her." Goh supplied simply, "She's family."
Kei stared at the ceiling, oozing with skepticism. "I will never get through to you, will I?"
"You're just jealous." Shiori's voice came from the hallway where she lounged against one wall, using it to support her head. Violet locks tangling around her cheeks and knotting against the surface of the wall. "Because Goh loves me."
Kei's eyes narrowed, he balanced his arms as they folded across his chest, wearing a tight thin black athletic outfit as he was preparing to go jogging. "Maybe. Maybe Goh does love you." He adjusted his walkman, made his way to the front door, and grabbed his keys from their hook. Leaning into Shiori as he opened the door to leave, Kei added, "But I'll always love Goh more than you do. If you do."
When Kei closed the door behind him, Shiori smiled bitterly.
Citing irreconcilable differences, Kei moved out taking the same drapes and incense burners that they'd been using since their freshman year. Shiori officially moved in. And Goh received notification from his advisor that they were not going to accept his application for a BS in mathematics. He'd simply neglected to take or failed essential classes.
"Hell, if I have to bother with the fool cap and gowns and three ring circus. College is pointless." Goh snorted as Shiori ran her fingers through the red streaks in his dark hair. Goh pulled her close. "All I need is you."
"Please." Shiori scolded, "If you're done moping over something that you think is so pointless, let's take a shower and go out."
Goh frowned, but he didn't want to think about it much either. And, he agreed.
They played a game where they never danced with each other. Instead they each went to the club as if they were completely single. That was the first rule. The second was that they only went home with each other. Goh had to admit it was a thrill having others find him attractive. Shiori admitted one evening that she liked seeing the hurt in their eyes when she would turn them down one after another.
"That's . . . cruel." Goh muttered.
"Well, of course it is," Shiori ran her finger over his ear. "But it doesn't matter, it's all just a game." Then she traced them over his stomach. "You look great in these shirts. You just kill the girls, and some of the guys." She winked, "I like taking you away from them."
"Gotta love a girl who's honest," Goh smirked, but on the inside he felt rather wretched. Nothing was adding up anymore. He watched her slip away just then to dance with another unsuspecting person.
***
Violently happy
I'm daring people
To jump off roofs with me
Only you
Can calm me down
I'm aiming too high
Soothe me
***
He started more letters of explanation to his parents than he could count. He didn't finish the undergraduate classes that they had paid for. He had alienated his one good friend and the entire math club. The girl he loved was making him seriously doubt that either of them knew what love was. And he had absolutely nothing to show for himself. No future.
What had started him writing the letters in the first place were the phone messages.
*beep* Son, this is your father. It was a bit unusual for you not to come home for even Christmas this holiday. Consider setting aside one day of studies to visit if you can. We're proud of you. *beep* Goh, honey. This is mom. I was dusting and Shin had pulled down a whole bunch of family photos. Cracked a frame that Justin's mother gave us. But I wanted to tell you that when I found him, a big old grin crossed his face and he pointed at you, saying "Goh." Know you're busy, but maybe you could stop by. *beep*
An insatiable urge made Goh examine his course syllabus for each class and dismiss the possibility of catching up in any of them in time to make a difference. The only class that he might be able to complete was the independent study he'd convinced Professor Nemuro to let him take: a non- destructive materials test where waves were to be passed through a material in order to detect flaws. He felt an old tremble of delight when contemplating the scientific possibilities of math. His first love.
"Yes." Professor Nemuro had glanced up from his laptop without a single expression of surprise, concern or interest crossing his absent-minded, smooth features. Goh was momentarily rattled, forgetting what a visit to Nemuro's office could be like since he hadn't attended classes or even walked onto campus in so long.
"Professor," Goh fought back the old urge to snicker at the title. While well earned, Nemuro was the youngest professor on staff, only a few years older than the students. "I was negligent in my studies for . . . a while. But I've been hoping to at least finish my independent studies with you. I had a bit of an idea for using a secant version of the Levenberg- Marquardt routine which yields the least squares solution to the problem."
Goh felt an uncanny prickling as Nemuro watched his with dry brown eyes behind the rims of his glasses. Assessing the situation. Calculating the best course of action to take with a negligent senior.
"I know I don't deserve a second chance." Goh blurted out, then looked down at the ground, feeling shame unequal to any he had felt before under the steady gaze.
"The Levenberg-Marquardt routine would be one possibility," Nemuro replied, with what Goh imagined, hoped, was a touch of sympathy.
"I've started, if you want to look over what I have so far." Goh pulled out a notebook full of pages that were torn free and stuffed back together to resemble a pattern of thought. Nemuro listened attentively as Goh tried to cap his enthusiasm at the unexpected opportunity.
Nemuro studied the pages a minute or two longer after Goh had finished. Watching nervously as the professor restacked the loose leaves and arranged them so they sat as neatly as possible on the desk, "Goh, would you consider studying with me for a year. I'm taking sabbatical and have decided to spend it with a university in the Midwest."
Goh waited speechlessly for the professor to continue, then when he realized that was all Nemuro was going to say, he answered breathlessly, "Yes. I don't care what it is, but yes."
***
I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
And drop my anchor
This is where I'm staying
This is my home
***
Telling his parents that he was going to study with Professor Nemuro made the delay of his application for a degree easier to explain. Easier to explain than Shiori, who he still hadn't mentioned. While he left to be with Nemuro's project, Shiori returned to the house with her old friends.
The year went by amazingly fast. And Goh rediscovered the passion he felt for his studies again, even as his admiration for Professor Nemuro grew as well. The "human computer" as the original university had inadequately dubbed him was able to process non-linear optimization with new insights and with the funding of serious investors in the project. Goh had seen him smile twice during their success and counted himself then among the most peculiarly blessed. There was something enchanting about the diligent love Nemuro had for his work. The simple joys that it brought to him were enough.
Goh wondered when he last felt content.
But then Nemuro was back teaching classes, Goh was left directionless. And Shiori. Shiori was eager for a change, and Goh's absence had only endeared him to her.
"It got so dull without you." Shiori fawned a bit at first, before returning to her more ruthless self. "It's not as fun when everyone wants me and there is no one to steal from you."
"Steal from me?" Goh laughed a bit, "I never wanted any of those people I danced with back then." It all seemed so distant to him really.
"No?" She thought about it a moment, waving one thin arm distracted, her hair having faded back to it's chestnut brown while he was gone. "None of them?" Her voice distant.
"No." Goh shook his head, "The only person I wanted then was you."
"Well, that's good." She settled and tugged at his shirt, "These math clothes are no fun. We need to get you back into costume, Goh the Unconquered."
"Math clothes," Goh glanced at the T-shirt and jeans feeling rather normal, but there was a strangely familiar appeal to the collar she'd bought as a welcome back present. And he hadn't had a Crimson Quixote in so long.
Their clubbing routine almost had returned, when Goh got a letter of invitation from the school in the east to return and finish his bachelor of science with an opportunity to continue with a Ph.D. in computer science. The letter of invitation seemed to come from no where, but when he frantically called Professor Nemuro, the professor had seemed less unsurprised than usual. Goh had his suspicions that Nemuro had put in a word for him.
They'd taken to living together again, but Shiori was less that thrilled when he showed her the letter.
"What are you going to tell them?" She asked, her morning hair still uncombed making her look like someone institutionalized rather than just awakening.
"Well, yes, of course," Goh said, hardly rattled from his never ending excitement, "I've got a chance to redeem myself right here."
"Why 'of course'," Shiori asked, just as lazily as before.
Goh wasn't certain that she'd heard him, "It's my opportunity to make things better. To really finish my classes and complete what I've started." He suddenly realized that he hated leaving things unfinished, and he wanted her to be happy as well. "Do you want to come with me?" He put forth, hoping to please her, "Move with me."
"Really?" Her eyes turned up to him with an expression so weary he was certain that she was more tired then than when they'd gone to bed the night before.
"Really," He said gently. Certain that a change of scenery was exactly what Shiori needed.
She reached up to curl a strand of her newly violet hair around her index finger and then slowly worked her mouth around the word, "Okay."
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
***
The first thing they did after moving was find the Midwest equivalent to the Crimson Quixote in the Transylvanian Concubine.
"I can't handle this hard stuff anymore," Goh snorted, turning down the offer for a second even as Shiori asked for it. Since it was new, Goh felt more comfortable in the homespun freshness of the TC dance floor. He also felt more comfortable at his new job, or at school than he did even at the Transylvanian Concubine.
"Going soft, Goh?" She coughed a bit after chasing the drink with some water.
"Nah, I just have class tomorrow."
"Stop thinking about that," She pouted, "Or at least stop talking about it."
"How are you doing?" Goh watched her doubtfully.
"Just fine." Then with renewed energy, she spun around, "But I feel like breaking something. Oh, he's cute."
Goh watched her slip back with the same dancers she'd been teasing earlier, and he wasn't sure how to undo what he had done. He felt responsible for her. At the same time, he knew that he never wanted to have her be the person he went home with again.
His boss offered him a small apartment above the restaurant when a friendly rumor worked its way back that Goh was looking for somewhere else to live. He was going to leave everything else to Shiori and just pick up a few items he might need. Like a simple mattress, chair and table. He would tell her that he needed to study. That he needed some space.
Then he wouldn't have to mention how much he hated watching her play her games.
At first, Goh thought she took it rather well.
"You are not the center of my life." Shiori reassured him, "So don't fret over me like a mother hen. Go find someone else to do that for. Shit." Then she promptly downed the TC equivalent to a Crimson Quixote and went home with some sad looking orange haired woman.
Goh knew she couldn't flee her nature. Like he couldn't flee his. Even after balancing his academic load with work at the diner, he felt the call of the club. The need to be with people. Dancing. With someone.
It was a Friday and the sad truth was that there was nothing else for him to do but to go play for a while at Transylvania. At the very least he could get one good drink, one good dance and put out a feeler to see if Shiori was alright at least.
"I hate it when you meddle, Goh." She leaned against the railing next to where Goh was surveying the dancers.
"Meddle?" Goh said innocently.
"Don't be so condescending," Shiori said managing a playful annoyance to her tone, "You might think you're nobler than me, but I see you playing with the masses. Showing off that lean ol' tummy of yours."
Goh glanced down and smirked, "Well, if one has the strengths one should show them off."
"Please," Shiori scowled, "I don't know which is worse. Watching you pretend to be all bad or watching you be so subtly noble."
"Don't worry your head about it," He reminded her, "We're really not each other's business any more. Cut the string, we've moved free."
"Right." Shiori said, distracted, "Oh dear lord, that woman is enchanting."
"Who?" Goh asked, in passing curious, in passing concerned for the other party. He knew right away who. An attractive woman with silvery-blonde hair was weeding her way through. Leading an uncomfortable looking fellow in clothes looking like he'd slipped loose accidentally from one of those ridiculous Old Navy commercials. Goh wondered if he had ever appeared so out of place in one of these establishments like that guy.
"But maybe it'd be more fun to play with him," Shiori's lips slightly parted, "He's so innocent."
Goh reflexively flinched at her tone, "Just let them be."
"Why?" Shiori rolled her shoulders, "It's not that much different than when I met you, Goh. When you were all naïve and cute. It's fun to break a few hearts, but it's the good hearts that are the most fun to crack."
Goh's eyes narrowed, "No. Shiori."
"I suppose you're going to stop me," The violet haired girl relaxed against the railing, "Always think you have to rescue me."
Sweeping an eye across the dancers, Goh saw where the new couple was dancing. The blonde woman graceful in every way. Her companion looking as if he needed a stiff drink or to sit down before he fell over uncomfortable with it all. No, he wasn't simply saving Shiori. He was saving nice people like that guy.
And trying to restore nice people, like himself.
Nice people.
Goh smiled wistfully. It'd be nice to know some nice people again. He thought back on Kei and Professor Nemuro. Maybe he should write his brothers a letter.
A letter. How many of those had he started and discarded.
No, it would have to be something outside of himself to bring about the strength to change. He turned slightly and saw that the willowy blonde was coming up the stairs with her boy friend in tow.
Goh ran his fingers through his still striped hair that had become so normal. The movement tugging up on his shirt, revealing more of his tanned torso. Funny how when he'd unlocked that aspect of his own personality he'd lost so much else. Maybe he'd see if he could get it back.
Meeting nice people. Goh walked toward the staircase.
Asking for a second chance.
Maybe he could manage somehow to balance both.
Then Goh found himself face to face with the semi-dazed expression of the guy he'd been watching. Off centered sandy brown hair and grey-brown eyes. Good-looking, nice and normal people.
Goh's eyes twinkled, "Hey, gorgeous."
***
I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
And drop my anchor
This is where I'm staying
This is my home
***
Author's Notes: Of course, this is where Chapter 5, "Another Way to Fall" takes off with Goh meeting Keisuke-or rather Keisuke meeting Goh.
Fandom: Pretear, Utena, Gundam Wing, X1999
Characters/Pairings: Goh, Shiori, Kei, Sally/Noin, Kanoe
Word Count: 7300
Summary: AU. At college, Goh intends to study, but ends up exploring his wilder side. Is it all an escape from his obligations or simply discovering other aspects of his personality? Prequel to 'Some Half-Baked Ideal Called Wonderful' for a glimpse of Goh's past.
A/N: written in August, 2002. aquatinted. Well, I'm in the habit of writing prequel's for my longer story "Some Half-Baked Ideal Called Wonderful." This one is about Goh and Shiori's past. As far as anime characters being paired up together, I don't really think that anyone else should even consider these two together. Somehow, they have a mutual past in Half-Baked and I felt that I wanted to explore that a bit. Alternate reality-so I took a few creative liberties of course. I apologize about my math knowledge; I had enough information to get in trouble so I used it. If I've made grand errors, please forgive me. Characters not mine. Lyrics are Bjork. Enjoy.
Click to view***
He did what most high school student graduates do when they turn eighteen. He decided to leave home and attend the university. Explore fraternities and late night cram sessions, binge on pizza and beer and somehow manage to study and work with non-linear optimization or at least get a BS in Mathematics. Of course, it all made sense to him even as he moved into the dorm room. Altoid shaped light in the center of a cinder block room casting a sickly golden glow.
His parents had helped him get the minimal number of boxes into the room and left him staring at the bare furniture and bunks. He zeroed in on the computer his parents had just purchased him for graduating second in his class (he was too bored to bother with knocking the class valedictorian out of her spot) and started setting it up letting it preoccupy his thoughts.
"Justin Vaughn-Goh." It was a strange voice for guy, a touch high and a little nasally.
"Please, just Goh." Then he laughed at his own joke. Damn, if he didn't think he was funny some times.
"Ha." The nasally aspect dropped, but when Goh turned to see the gangly boy in the doorway the tone was still pitched a bit higher than one would expect from a college freshman. "Fine, I'll call you Goh if you call me Kei."
"Tokei Yamamoto?"
"Kei, Kei, Kei. I agreed I'd call you Goh."
Goh took a closer look at his new roommate who had up to that point been scarce from the frantic freshman move-in. Every box in the ridiculously small room they expected him to share with Tokei Yamamoto was marked "Vaughn-Goh."
"Where's you stuff, Kei?" Goh asked letting a wiry grin slip across his tanned features. Kei was distracted by sophisticatedly ogling what Goh had unpacked so far. Letting one trim and way too effeminate finger trace along the edge of the computer monitor.
"I'm having it brought up." Kei peered down his nose and chin sniffing like unimpressed royalty. Then he pulled back his blond hair with one hand and deliberately, without looking at Goh said, "I hope you don't mind, I asked one of the men to construct lofts for us."
"Lofts?" Goh shrugged, "That's cool."
"Well . . ." Kei dismissed the comment and changed the subject, "So what's your major?"
"Mathematics."
"Me, too."
"No way." Goh blinked a few times, certain that the wispy boy would have said art or theater. "Well, maybe it'll make it easier to study together."
"I want to design computer games."
"Ah," but before Goh could comment more or finish hooking up his extra speakers, three red-faced, well-built men actually wearing suits walked into the already limited space. Each hefting two ridiculously large carpet bags.
"Clothes, Master Kei."
"Yes, yes. Put them . . . over there." Kei waved a hand, then turned back to Goh, "I'm also a theater minor. I adore costumes."
Goh smiled through the initial wince. Within hours, Kei and his man servants had transformed the room into a draped and decorated gothic sanctuary effectively concealing the offensive Altoid light that still could be heard faintly buzzing through the fabric now hanging over the ceiling.
"Marvelous!" Kei lightly slapped his hands together in approval before sending away his family's staff of what Goh jokingly called their indentured servants.
"At least we can't see the cinder blocks." Goh stood amazed, running one set of fingers through his slick dark hair and shaking his head.
***
Since I met you
This small town
hasn't got room
For my big feelings
***
Goh had grown up in the same city as the university and the shroud of his parent's influence had not escaped him. His first professor turned out to be a close personal friend of his father's and proceeded to announce that to the entire class of first year math majors. Somehow they had managed to conceal from him that they had made a substantial donation to the restoration of the campus library having and entire wing of the computer labs there named after "Vaughn-Goh" after their contribution.
Goh swore never to sign up for a class that planned on meeting in those labs.
He loved his parents, but he still couldn't keep down the urge of resentment whenever someone commented on how "little Justin Junior" looked just like his parents, sporting his mother's bow shaped mouth, his father full and expressively dark brows. Moreover, that was just the cafeteria workers and the women at the registrar's office. Goh swore to only eat fast food, delivered pizza, and to only schedule his classes over the telephone.
After a fitful first semester, Goh spent a dull three weeks locked out of the Dungeon (as the rest of their floor had christened Kei and his dorm room by the third hour they'd spent in it) and in the babysitting role of watching his two younger brothers while his mother waddled pregnant with a third.
Goh had been an unexpected honeymoon present, after which his parents had waited ten years to have another son. Mannen was eight. Hajime seven. And while waddling between the kitchen and the living room sofa, when she couldn't find Goh within shouting distance to wait on her, Mrs. Vaughn-Goh practiced baby names on her ample stomach until she felt the baby kick. "Shin it is." She announced contentedly, tapping her fingers against the taunt skin.
It was a long vacation, and Goh couldn't wait to get back to school. Then it was an even longer second semester. He felt like he had to be the only college student in all of history to find that his classes plodded along slower than the tortoise compared to the hare.
Until he came back to start his junior year.
He and Kei had somehow found a mutual perseverance through each other's terribly odd personality quirks. Kei coming back each term with his golden curls grown longer and fuller. By the third year, Kei had earned an auditioned placement into the campus theater group. Goh had successfully avoided the computer lab named in his family's honor, but had discovered that in the study room just outside a club of fellow math enthusiasts devoted to extracurricular space mapping principles. They'd also secured an off-campus apartment just off from fraternity row. Kei mentioned more than once how he hated walking through that strip of the campus, and Goh shrugged, flexed and offered to chaperone him back and forth for a small bodyguard fee.
It was on one of the fall evenings that Goh was returning home after toying with formulating a computational model that he glanced down to see a girl walking next to him.
"Hey." She said briskly, wearing a full brown jacket with shining buttons pulled tight to her form even as she stuffed her bare hands into the lined pockets. Flesh and brown. Brown hair, brown eyes. Goh had to confess he would have never noticed her if she hadn't skipped up to him at that moment.
"Hey." Goh echoed, slipping into his more extroverted mode, the personality that let him survive so many and much younger brothers.
"Where are you off to?" She glanced at the houses, "You really don't look much like a Greek."
"I'm not." Goh rolled his shoulders, which were the most filled out that they'd ever been by his twentieth year.
"But you don't look like an academic," She was watching him closely, walking sideways and as her breath quickened it whistled out in noticeable puffs. "I don't know you. I would have remembered meeting you."
"And I . . . don't think we've met." Goh corrected, realizing that even if he had met her he most likely wouldn't have remembered.
"Probably not, I've been visiting the houses, but they're so childish here. Don't you think?"
He noticed she was wearing a skirt, leaving her trim legs bare from just above the knee, and where the coat ended, to her anklet socks and delicately laced, brown shoes. The longer that she hovered, the more Goh noticed things that could be potentially attractive about her. Her playfully always open thin lips, her pink tongue, the rosy hue over her otherwise unaccented cheekbones. Very plain, very simple, and the most female creature he'd spoken to during his monkish tenure at the university.
Suddenly Goh felt like he'd be approaching college very badly.
"I asked you a question." She laughed, a coy and lyrical sound. Quite contrived, not that Goh knew any better. He was used to living with Kei and was quite accepting of anything out of the ordinary.
"I'm sorry." Goh glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. She was still watching him fully as they neared his apartment building.
"I asked you your name."
Reluctantly, he prepared for the fan-girl squeal of meeting the popular someone with prestigious parents, "Justin Vaughn-Goh. But just call me Goh already."
She shrieked, but with insane laughter. "I'll give it a go." She slapped him with her pale flesh fingers. "Goh? I'm new here, just transferred in this semester, and I hate this place. But you seem interesting." She cocked her head to one side, "My name is Shiori Takatsuki. I'm going to the city tonight and I need company. Want to come?"
He knew he should say "no." But when she didn't recognize him at all, he suddenly threw all caution to the wind. What trouble could he get into with such a petite little girl anyway, he said, "Yes."
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
***
The initial drink they tried was called a Crimson Quixote, named after the very first club they wandered into together.
Shiori had insisted that he change clothes and they'd laughed through the absent Kei's clothing until they found something of the slender fellows that Goh could squeeze into. A sequined red shirt that barely had the length to reach the low rising brown leather pants. 'You look so Robin Hood," Shiori had said inexplicably. Goh simply guffawed, mystified. She seemed satisfied with the yellow, button down blouse and plaid skirt she was already wearing.
Stepping into the bone throbbing pulse of his first club, Goh wondered what had taken him so long. Shiori curled one hand around his nearest bicep and her fingernails ran against his skin giving him shivers. Suddenly the school girl outfit she'd been so innocently been wearing before seemed anything but.
"Let's go get a drink." She whooped, pulling him forward. And that was when they discovered the Crimson Quixote. They ordered it without a clue what the bartender was mixing in it.
Goh had always been intrigued by alcohol but had little experience except for a few comfortable beer parties with buddies who only bought the cheap stuff and often forgot and served it dissatisfyingly warm. He felt the alcohol chase down his throat, set the glass down on the reflective bar and smiled ferociously wetting his lips. "Not bad," He said, disguising the novelty of the experience, glad that he had been able to satisfy them with his recently acquired over-21 driver's license.
"Dry is good." Shiori finished hers in one swallow as well, and rubbed her nose. "Dancing is better."
He had fairly good memories of cutting a place of admiration on the dance floor with his flexible partner, but, after frequent visits to the bar to test other and more intriguing combinations and titles, Goh wasn't certain what he was doing let alone who he was. And he found that strangely and very appealing.
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
Overemotional
Violently happy
***
"I don't like her." Kei folded his arms and planted his feet shoulder width apart, looking as stubborn and as authoritative as any male, soon-to- be college senior could with a foot long pony tail and better make-up than any of the sorority chicks on campus.
"Kei-kun," Goh groaned from the couch where he was trying to slowly adjust to being awake. Saturday nights with Shiori were becoming a regular celebration night and Kei had long ago given up asking where he was when he didn't come home. "This is no time to be jealous. I still like you. Maybe not in the same way that I . . . dig . . . Shiori but . . ."
"Let me remind you that it is my business when you continually take my clothes without asking, and keep returning them mangled and stained, if not worse . . . stretched." Kei's voice never rose during that sort of conversation, but stayed dangerously monotone.
Goh ran his hands over his chest and while rolling his eyes moaned, "Heaven forbid. But maybe I should go invest in a new wardrobe myself. Wanna go shopping?"
"Please," Kei continued, nose crinkled as if suddenly catching a disgusting smell, "And don't forget you're not the only math major in this apartment. I heard while finishing up my TA work for Professor Nemuro that the faculty has noted an obvious decline on your academic achievements."
" 'S tough." Goh reconsidered having his eyes opened as the glow of Kei's lava lamps was even becoming too much for his light-sensitive hang-over.
"I hate watching people screw themselves over," Kei whispered finally, "She's been nothing but bad news for you, buddy."
"Pshaw." Goh rolled so that his nose was in the darkest corner of the couch, "Shiori couldn't hurt anyone." And when his thoughts turned to her, he remembered the fascinating way that she had taken his hands the night before while they sat at the Crimson Quixote's round tables that held bright white lights under their surface which had caused the colors of their drinks to splatter in improbable directions like rainbow prisms across their faces. How her slim fingers had crossed in-between and around his darker ones. For a moment, lost in that thought, Goh forgot to breathe.
***
Come calm me down
Before I get into trouble
I tip-toe down to the shore
Stand by the ocean
Make it roar at me
And I roar back.
***
"Robin Hood to Little John, where are you?" Goh knocked on her door again. It was seven o'clock on a Saturday and he was anxious to participate in the Crimson Quixote's late night bachelor's competition. Shiori was always telling him that he had the best torso granted to a man since the statue of David (and in Goh's opinion that didn't count since it was a stone statue after all. Who could compete with that?).
"Shiori?" He changed tactics to peer in the window of the house she was sharing with about six other girls. After a first year, Shiori had decided to move in with an oddly mismatched group of seniors. Goh liked a few of them well enough, but the girl who answered him rapping at the window was no longer one of his favorites.
"What the hell do you want?"
"Lucrezia," Goh stammered a chuckle. He'd made the mistake of hitting on her when she'd dragged his sorry carcass home from a particularly experimental night of alcohol and a few other things someone had slipped to him along with the drink. One thing he vowed never to do again and kept quite faithfully. It didn't help matters that she was incredibly sexy if a ROTC member. She was only wearing a thin pair of green camouflage pants and a loose tank top. Evidently, she'd been having an evening workout with a faint shine of healthy sweat lifting from her shoulders, cheeks and chin. "I'm looking for Shiori."
Her expression paused for just a moment before her lips curled upward in the most sinister and wickedly pleased expression that Goh had ever seen. "Good luck, big guy. Shiori's out with Kanoe and we don't know when to expect them back."
"Who?" Goh filtered through his memories to try to remember which of the girls living there might have been Kanoe. He had a vague picture that she was the tallest one, real pale.
"Luce, what are you doing?" And then Sally Po tilted her flaxen-braids into the doorway, "Oh, hi, Goh." She smiled like he was her little brother even though they were the same age. "If you want to play with Shiori she's out for the evening."
"Out?" Goh pretended to pout, hiding his true disappointment. Shiori was the only one he went out with and if she were somewhere else, then he wasn't certain what to do.
"Don't be glum, sport." Sally smiled, her lips were always attractive to him and glossy. Goh noticed. He decided he liked that. "We'll tell her you were by."
"Yeah, right." Lucrezia stared at the sky, sure that was the last thing she was going to do for the testosterone laden mass of senior male in front of her.
"I'll tell her." Sally reassured, putting a hand around Lucrezia's sweaty waist and hips.
"Ah," Goh's eyes widened and he fought back the urge to snort, "Thanks, Sal. Tell her I'll leave my cel phone on." He turned and suddenly had no idea where to go. He'd given up on the cheap models the math club kept redundantly constructing. Kei was more annoyed at Goh than anything else right then and had most of his latest script left to memorize. Goh didn't really feel like rehearsing lines his entire Saturday evening.
"She's at the Hell Kat." He heard Lucrezia call after him. Goh stood straighter, even as he heard Sally reprimanding the other girl. He'd passed that place many times with Shiori on the way to their familiar haunt. If something was going on at the Hell Kat then Goh was going to be there.
He strolled confidently down the stairs and past the iron rod gateway into the basement level and only entryway into the Hell Kat. It took him exactly two minutes to figure out what sort of place he'd wandered into when he nonchalantly removed someone's hand from his jean clad bum and noticed that arm belonged to a guy dolled up prettier than his roommate, Kei.
"No thanks," Goh managed through gritted teeth. "I'm looking for a girl."
"Then you are way in the wrong place, man." The guy ogled Goh appreciatively a moment before being distracted by his friends again. Goh shrugged, trying to brush away an almost solid wall of smoke as he scanned the faces for either Shiori or Kanoe. He didn't have much of a chance to find her, because Shiori found him first.
"Goh!" She wrapped around his arm, trailing one nail down the length of his muscle, "You look so hot without sleeves. Makes me want to . . . I dunno . . ." She grinned up to him, with perfectly white teeth he found quite charming. "Oops, and I think he's thinking the same thing." She was looking at someone in particular, but Goh couldn't take his eyes off of her.
"Your hair." He managed to say around his thick tongue, he brushed it tentatively with his fingers, not sure if it were only a trick of the light.
"Purple!" She stepped back, showing it off, lifting it from her head and neck with her narrow fingers and then letting it cascade back down around her face again. "Awesome isn't it? I was always thinking that purple was my natural color. What do you think?"
"Simply amazing," Goh responded a bit bedazzled but wanting to be encouraging, "You must have just done it." He couldn't stop looking at her. Even her eyes were a different color. The way she never closed her mouth but always left it open just so when she wasn't speaking.
"What's that?" Shiori raised a hand to her ear and leaned toward him, her mouth dropping open further as if she might catch the words in between her teeth and chew some sense out of them. "The music here is so loud." She said louder, "Y'know, I was thinking you'd look great with something red in that dark, dark hair of yours. It's getting pretty grown out, Goh."
"Red." He repeated, wondering what he was missing. Something wasn't right. He wasn't connecting with his party friend like he used to.
"Yeah, I'll help you do it tomorrow. Or I'll pay for someone to do it." She added flippantly. "Red is easy."
"Tomorrow." He repeated.
"Yeah, tomorrow." Shiori was slipping away. "I'll see you then."
"What about tonight?" Goh said, trying not to sound frustrated.
"I'm . . . busy, tonight. But there's always tomorrow!" She rushed forward and wrapping her waif-like arms around his neck pulled herself up to kiss him rather soundly. Lingering much longer than Goh found comfortable, but starting something he didn't want to stop.
She twisted and disappeared between the thick dancers. He could still taste the lingering alcohol on his sober lips.
As he walked up the stairs and tried to decide where he was going from the front sidewalk, the first guy who had admired Goh's form-fitting jeans hollered after him, "Find your woman."
Goh turned and glared.
Catching a glimpse of Shiori miraculously through the sea of dancers even at that distance. Her arms lifted and her chin thrown back to admire the woman dancing with her. A tall and very pale woman. Kanoe.
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
I'm aiming too high
Violently happy
It will get me into trouble
Violently happy
I'll get into trouble
Real soon
If you don't get here
***
He was back down the steps before he realized what he was doing. A determined crease between his father's dark brows and a self-assured set to his mother's pursed lips. Casting a special scowl on the guy who had yelled after him, Goh then turned back to the dancers. Prowling to catch a glimpse of what he needed.
Finding it all so much easier to manipulate the others who wanted to dance with him when he was level-headed and they were the ones admiring him with freshly intoxicated admiration. Some of them could have attracted him once, but that didn't matter any more. He was bound and set to upset Shiori's basket. One way or another.
It took him five minutes to get nearly every dancer's attention. Six minutes to make sure that he had Shiori's.
"Excuse me." Goh weaseled his way between Shiori and Kanoe. Facing the taller woman, she was exactly his same height. Ignoring the smaller girl, he addressed Kanoe directly, "So is it an entire house full of girl's girls?" His tone straightforward and curious.
"What should it matter to you." Kanoe replied unbothered, instead interested by the boy's brash interruption. Misplacing his anger and giving the wrong woman his devoted attention. She could see Shiori bristling behind his shoulders.
"I dunno," Goh said flippantly, "Doesn't hurt to be the only guy in with a house of sexy chicks."
"And what would you have to offer?" Shiori interrupted at last, irritated and letting Goh rattle her. Kanoe watched amused by Shiori's jealousy. They were all standing too closely together to avoid the fluctuating movement of the bodies around them. Breathing in each other's space.
Without answering Goh smiled wanly, no humor in his eyes, "Oh, I'm sure I could learn a lot from you two." Kanoe raised an eyebrow.
"Think you can play with us, little boy?" Shiori began to lose her temper, her violet hair trembling uncontrolled.
"Begging yourself to be called a little girl." Kanoe frowned, trapping the shimmering blue gaze in her own. Shiori's lips constantly contorting, trying not to pout. "Children, I am going home for the evening. You two sort out your differences."
"Damn you, Goh." Shiori violently trembled as Kanoe left.
"Yeah, well," Goh wasn't quite sure what he'd done. Or what he'd started. Or who that strange person was who'd slipped out of his personality. "I wasn't just going to let you go without a fight."
"Really?"
He noticed the dramatic change in her tone, glancing down at her, she seemed quite pleased with herself. Content, he preferred to think. "Really." Goh repeated, "When you weren't at the house, I didn't know . . ."
"You . . . you." Shiori pulled on his arm. "Dance with me."
Baffled Goh followed. Dismissing his doubt, he'd gotten his girl.
***
I'm driving my car
Too fast
With ecstatic music on.
Violently happy
I'm getting too drunk
***
Within two weeks, Shiori had started sleeping over at the guys' apartment. Which made Kei anything but happy.
So Kei tried a different tactic, one that worked too well, "So, have you introduced Shiori to your parents? How about Mannen and Hajime and Shin. Shin's, what, three-ish now?" Goh hadn't been able to answer that, because more than anything he didn't want to have to accept those ties. "Goh," Kei tried for his attention again, "Shiori could leave you at any time, but there are some people that are just family. Some very good people that care about you."
"I love her." Goh supplied simply, "She's family."
Kei stared at the ceiling, oozing with skepticism. "I will never get through to you, will I?"
"You're just jealous." Shiori's voice came from the hallway where she lounged against one wall, using it to support her head. Violet locks tangling around her cheeks and knotting against the surface of the wall. "Because Goh loves me."
Kei's eyes narrowed, he balanced his arms as they folded across his chest, wearing a tight thin black athletic outfit as he was preparing to go jogging. "Maybe. Maybe Goh does love you." He adjusted his walkman, made his way to the front door, and grabbed his keys from their hook. Leaning into Shiori as he opened the door to leave, Kei added, "But I'll always love Goh more than you do. If you do."
When Kei closed the door behind him, Shiori smiled bitterly.
Citing irreconcilable differences, Kei moved out taking the same drapes and incense burners that they'd been using since their freshman year. Shiori officially moved in. And Goh received notification from his advisor that they were not going to accept his application for a BS in mathematics. He'd simply neglected to take or failed essential classes.
"Hell, if I have to bother with the fool cap and gowns and three ring circus. College is pointless." Goh snorted as Shiori ran her fingers through the red streaks in his dark hair. Goh pulled her close. "All I need is you."
"Please." Shiori scolded, "If you're done moping over something that you think is so pointless, let's take a shower and go out."
Goh frowned, but he didn't want to think about it much either. And, he agreed.
They played a game where they never danced with each other. Instead they each went to the club as if they were completely single. That was the first rule. The second was that they only went home with each other. Goh had to admit it was a thrill having others find him attractive. Shiori admitted one evening that she liked seeing the hurt in their eyes when she would turn them down one after another.
"That's . . . cruel." Goh muttered.
"Well, of course it is," Shiori ran her finger over his ear. "But it doesn't matter, it's all just a game." Then she traced them over his stomach. "You look great in these shirts. You just kill the girls, and some of the guys." She winked, "I like taking you away from them."
"Gotta love a girl who's honest," Goh smirked, but on the inside he felt rather wretched. Nothing was adding up anymore. He watched her slip away just then to dance with another unsuspecting person.
***
Violently happy
I'm daring people
To jump off roofs with me
Only you
Can calm me down
I'm aiming too high
Soothe me
***
He started more letters of explanation to his parents than he could count. He didn't finish the undergraduate classes that they had paid for. He had alienated his one good friend and the entire math club. The girl he loved was making him seriously doubt that either of them knew what love was. And he had absolutely nothing to show for himself. No future.
What had started him writing the letters in the first place were the phone messages.
*beep* Son, this is your father. It was a bit unusual for you not to come home for even Christmas this holiday. Consider setting aside one day of studies to visit if you can. We're proud of you. *beep* Goh, honey. This is mom. I was dusting and Shin had pulled down a whole bunch of family photos. Cracked a frame that Justin's mother gave us. But I wanted to tell you that when I found him, a big old grin crossed his face and he pointed at you, saying "Goh." Know you're busy, but maybe you could stop by. *beep*
An insatiable urge made Goh examine his course syllabus for each class and dismiss the possibility of catching up in any of them in time to make a difference. The only class that he might be able to complete was the independent study he'd convinced Professor Nemuro to let him take: a non- destructive materials test where waves were to be passed through a material in order to detect flaws. He felt an old tremble of delight when contemplating the scientific possibilities of math. His first love.
"Yes." Professor Nemuro had glanced up from his laptop without a single expression of surprise, concern or interest crossing his absent-minded, smooth features. Goh was momentarily rattled, forgetting what a visit to Nemuro's office could be like since he hadn't attended classes or even walked onto campus in so long.
"Professor," Goh fought back the old urge to snicker at the title. While well earned, Nemuro was the youngest professor on staff, only a few years older than the students. "I was negligent in my studies for . . . a while. But I've been hoping to at least finish my independent studies with you. I had a bit of an idea for using a secant version of the Levenberg- Marquardt routine which yields the least squares solution to the problem."
Goh felt an uncanny prickling as Nemuro watched his with dry brown eyes behind the rims of his glasses. Assessing the situation. Calculating the best course of action to take with a negligent senior.
"I know I don't deserve a second chance." Goh blurted out, then looked down at the ground, feeling shame unequal to any he had felt before under the steady gaze.
"The Levenberg-Marquardt routine would be one possibility," Nemuro replied, with what Goh imagined, hoped, was a touch of sympathy.
"I've started, if you want to look over what I have so far." Goh pulled out a notebook full of pages that were torn free and stuffed back together to resemble a pattern of thought. Nemuro listened attentively as Goh tried to cap his enthusiasm at the unexpected opportunity.
Nemuro studied the pages a minute or two longer after Goh had finished. Watching nervously as the professor restacked the loose leaves and arranged them so they sat as neatly as possible on the desk, "Goh, would you consider studying with me for a year. I'm taking sabbatical and have decided to spend it with a university in the Midwest."
Goh waited speechlessly for the professor to continue, then when he realized that was all Nemuro was going to say, he answered breathlessly, "Yes. I don't care what it is, but yes."
***
I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
And drop my anchor
This is where I'm staying
This is my home
***
Telling his parents that he was going to study with Professor Nemuro made the delay of his application for a degree easier to explain. Easier to explain than Shiori, who he still hadn't mentioned. While he left to be with Nemuro's project, Shiori returned to the house with her old friends.
The year went by amazingly fast. And Goh rediscovered the passion he felt for his studies again, even as his admiration for Professor Nemuro grew as well. The "human computer" as the original university had inadequately dubbed him was able to process non-linear optimization with new insights and with the funding of serious investors in the project. Goh had seen him smile twice during their success and counted himself then among the most peculiarly blessed. There was something enchanting about the diligent love Nemuro had for his work. The simple joys that it brought to him were enough.
Goh wondered when he last felt content.
But then Nemuro was back teaching classes, Goh was left directionless. And Shiori. Shiori was eager for a change, and Goh's absence had only endeared him to her.
"It got so dull without you." Shiori fawned a bit at first, before returning to her more ruthless self. "It's not as fun when everyone wants me and there is no one to steal from you."
"Steal from me?" Goh laughed a bit, "I never wanted any of those people I danced with back then." It all seemed so distant to him really.
"No?" She thought about it a moment, waving one thin arm distracted, her hair having faded back to it's chestnut brown while he was gone. "None of them?" Her voice distant.
"No." Goh shook his head, "The only person I wanted then was you."
"Well, that's good." She settled and tugged at his shirt, "These math clothes are no fun. We need to get you back into costume, Goh the Unconquered."
"Math clothes," Goh glanced at the T-shirt and jeans feeling rather normal, but there was a strangely familiar appeal to the collar she'd bought as a welcome back present. And he hadn't had a Crimson Quixote in so long.
Their clubbing routine almost had returned, when Goh got a letter of invitation from the school in the east to return and finish his bachelor of science with an opportunity to continue with a Ph.D. in computer science. The letter of invitation seemed to come from no where, but when he frantically called Professor Nemuro, the professor had seemed less unsurprised than usual. Goh had his suspicions that Nemuro had put in a word for him.
They'd taken to living together again, but Shiori was less that thrilled when he showed her the letter.
"What are you going to tell them?" She asked, her morning hair still uncombed making her look like someone institutionalized rather than just awakening.
"Well, yes, of course," Goh said, hardly rattled from his never ending excitement, "I've got a chance to redeem myself right here."
"Why 'of course'," Shiori asked, just as lazily as before.
Goh wasn't certain that she'd heard him, "It's my opportunity to make things better. To really finish my classes and complete what I've started." He suddenly realized that he hated leaving things unfinished, and he wanted her to be happy as well. "Do you want to come with me?" He put forth, hoping to please her, "Move with me."
"Really?" Her eyes turned up to him with an expression so weary he was certain that she was more tired then than when they'd gone to bed the night before.
"Really," He said gently. Certain that a change of scenery was exactly what Shiori needed.
She reached up to curl a strand of her newly violet hair around her index finger and then slowly worked her mouth around the word, "Okay."
***
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
***
The first thing they did after moving was find the Midwest equivalent to the Crimson Quixote in the Transylvanian Concubine.
"I can't handle this hard stuff anymore," Goh snorted, turning down the offer for a second even as Shiori asked for it. Since it was new, Goh felt more comfortable in the homespun freshness of the TC dance floor. He also felt more comfortable at his new job, or at school than he did even at the Transylvanian Concubine.
"Going soft, Goh?" She coughed a bit after chasing the drink with some water.
"Nah, I just have class tomorrow."
"Stop thinking about that," She pouted, "Or at least stop talking about it."
"How are you doing?" Goh watched her doubtfully.
"Just fine." Then with renewed energy, she spun around, "But I feel like breaking something. Oh, he's cute."
Goh watched her slip back with the same dancers she'd been teasing earlier, and he wasn't sure how to undo what he had done. He felt responsible for her. At the same time, he knew that he never wanted to have her be the person he went home with again.
His boss offered him a small apartment above the restaurant when a friendly rumor worked its way back that Goh was looking for somewhere else to live. He was going to leave everything else to Shiori and just pick up a few items he might need. Like a simple mattress, chair and table. He would tell her that he needed to study. That he needed some space.
Then he wouldn't have to mention how much he hated watching her play her games.
At first, Goh thought she took it rather well.
"You are not the center of my life." Shiori reassured him, "So don't fret over me like a mother hen. Go find someone else to do that for. Shit." Then she promptly downed the TC equivalent to a Crimson Quixote and went home with some sad looking orange haired woman.
Goh knew she couldn't flee her nature. Like he couldn't flee his. Even after balancing his academic load with work at the diner, he felt the call of the club. The need to be with people. Dancing. With someone.
It was a Friday and the sad truth was that there was nothing else for him to do but to go play for a while at Transylvania. At the very least he could get one good drink, one good dance and put out a feeler to see if Shiori was alright at least.
"I hate it when you meddle, Goh." She leaned against the railing next to where Goh was surveying the dancers.
"Meddle?" Goh said innocently.
"Don't be so condescending," Shiori said managing a playful annoyance to her tone, "You might think you're nobler than me, but I see you playing with the masses. Showing off that lean ol' tummy of yours."
Goh glanced down and smirked, "Well, if one has the strengths one should show them off."
"Please," Shiori scowled, "I don't know which is worse. Watching you pretend to be all bad or watching you be so subtly noble."
"Don't worry your head about it," He reminded her, "We're really not each other's business any more. Cut the string, we've moved free."
"Right." Shiori said, distracted, "Oh dear lord, that woman is enchanting."
"Who?" Goh asked, in passing curious, in passing concerned for the other party. He knew right away who. An attractive woman with silvery-blonde hair was weeding her way through. Leading an uncomfortable looking fellow in clothes looking like he'd slipped loose accidentally from one of those ridiculous Old Navy commercials. Goh wondered if he had ever appeared so out of place in one of these establishments like that guy.
"But maybe it'd be more fun to play with him," Shiori's lips slightly parted, "He's so innocent."
Goh reflexively flinched at her tone, "Just let them be."
"Why?" Shiori rolled her shoulders, "It's not that much different than when I met you, Goh. When you were all naïve and cute. It's fun to break a few hearts, but it's the good hearts that are the most fun to crack."
Goh's eyes narrowed, "No. Shiori."
"I suppose you're going to stop me," The violet haired girl relaxed against the railing, "Always think you have to rescue me."
Sweeping an eye across the dancers, Goh saw where the new couple was dancing. The blonde woman graceful in every way. Her companion looking as if he needed a stiff drink or to sit down before he fell over uncomfortable with it all. No, he wasn't simply saving Shiori. He was saving nice people like that guy.
And trying to restore nice people, like himself.
Nice people.
Goh smiled wistfully. It'd be nice to know some nice people again. He thought back on Kei and Professor Nemuro. Maybe he should write his brothers a letter.
A letter. How many of those had he started and discarded.
No, it would have to be something outside of himself to bring about the strength to change. He turned slightly and saw that the willowy blonde was coming up the stairs with her boy friend in tow.
Goh ran his fingers through his still striped hair that had become so normal. The movement tugging up on his shirt, revealing more of his tanned torso. Funny how when he'd unlocked that aspect of his own personality he'd lost so much else. Maybe he'd see if he could get it back.
Meeting nice people. Goh walked toward the staircase.
Asking for a second chance.
Maybe he could manage somehow to balance both.
Then Goh found himself face to face with the semi-dazed expression of the guy he'd been watching. Off centered sandy brown hair and grey-brown eyes. Good-looking, nice and normal people.
Goh's eyes twinkled, "Hey, gorgeous."
***
I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
And drop my anchor
This is where I'm staying
This is my home
***
Author's Notes: Of course, this is where Chapter 5, "Another Way to Fall" takes off with Goh meeting Keisuke-or rather Keisuke meeting Goh.