When is enough, really enough? And the Resolutions that should become us
In life we have to make choices; we can either keep living our everyday routines or get out of that box and take drastic measures in order to grow and progress in life. This past October I took that step to better my life and even though I have made unbelievable decisions before, this one was, for the most part, a permanent decision. This turning event gave me a whole new meaning of "hard work" and "welcome to the adult world"; neither of which sound appealing and even less when put together. But here's the positive note, in life regardless what we go through; good or bad, we always manage to meet people and create connections that make you wonder how you managed to live without said people. Simply put, each person we meet becomes a part of us creating everlasting bonds.
So through this crazy mayhem of being an "adult" and adapting to my new life, I've met people that made me see how I'm not so crazy as I think I am, being over analytically is the new trend, and that there are people like me who put others before them; might be selfless, but I see it as the best form of self infliction, at least it's for a greater cause. This being said, there comes a time where through these bonds and connections, attachments are created and some friendships take a different turn. Sometime's this happens instantly; in my past all my meaningful loves came from friendships that grew to love, something that made it more extraordinary because it was literally friendship on fire, the way love should be; something that came from nothing, something that consumed your every being and left you asking for more. That's how uplifting, liberating, and massive it becomes; the most sweetest form of suicide, true love.
In this case, I did not fall in love; it was a friendship that meant a lot to me and still does. For me to fall in love, I find that I have had to go through this huge mental aneurysm created by a combination of simple nonsensical things that make me wonder why anyone would want to be with someone who has to think a zillion times the same question without even being honest with herself, no, someone who can't even make up her own mind. That being said, me and said person became somehow close and as we started to skyrocket out of orbit, we hit our peak and for a few moments we both found ourselves on fair ground, or what felt like fair ground. Then in a split second that fair ground gave way and I found myself plummeting to the ground head first. But this time, thankfully I had someone catch me right before I shattered and even though as I came through the atmosphere I attained a few cracks, for the most part I stayed intact.
So where do I stand? Where do we stand? Maybe things would have been prevented if I held back the moment I felt I should have, but why is it we always go against our gut instinct? To a certain degree I feel like I deserved it, knowing I was getting involved in something I wasn't 100% sure of, maybe it really was enough, but then again shouldn't it have been enough? Shouldn't honesty become easier the moment our hearts open up and we let people in? I'm still baffled to a point, but what's done is done and even though it seems irreversible, there's no other thing to do but move forward. Through every experience in life we learn new things and each lesson makes us a stronger and more humane person or so they should. We all still have a long ways to go, but we all have room to grow and maybe sometime from now we will all look back and see how much we gained from this experience. Our resolution? I guess a year from now we will see if it became us or if it destroyed us.
So through this crazy mayhem of being an "adult" and adapting to my new life, I've met people that made me see how I'm not so crazy as I think I am, being over analytically is the new trend, and that there are people like me who put others before them; might be selfless, but I see it as the best form of self infliction, at least it's for a greater cause. This being said, there comes a time where through these bonds and connections, attachments are created and some friendships take a different turn. Sometime's this happens instantly; in my past all my meaningful loves came from friendships that grew to love, something that made it more extraordinary because it was literally friendship on fire, the way love should be; something that came from nothing, something that consumed your every being and left you asking for more. That's how uplifting, liberating, and massive it becomes; the most sweetest form of suicide, true love.
In this case, I did not fall in love; it was a friendship that meant a lot to me and still does. For me to fall in love, I find that I have had to go through this huge mental aneurysm created by a combination of simple nonsensical things that make me wonder why anyone would want to be with someone who has to think a zillion times the same question without even being honest with herself, no, someone who can't even make up her own mind. That being said, me and said person became somehow close and as we started to skyrocket out of orbit, we hit our peak and for a few moments we both found ourselves on fair ground, or what felt like fair ground. Then in a split second that fair ground gave way and I found myself plummeting to the ground head first. But this time, thankfully I had someone catch me right before I shattered and even though as I came through the atmosphere I attained a few cracks, for the most part I stayed intact.
So where do I stand? Where do we stand? Maybe things would have been prevented if I held back the moment I felt I should have, but why is it we always go against our gut instinct? To a certain degree I feel like I deserved it, knowing I was getting involved in something I wasn't 100% sure of, maybe it really was enough, but then again shouldn't it have been enough? Shouldn't honesty become easier the moment our hearts open up and we let people in? I'm still baffled to a point, but what's done is done and even though it seems irreversible, there's no other thing to do but move forward. Through every experience in life we learn new things and each lesson makes us a stronger and more humane person or so they should. We all still have a long ways to go, but we all have room to grow and maybe sometime from now we will all look back and see how much we gained from this experience. Our resolution? I guess a year from now we will see if it became us or if it destroyed us.