Dear Dad....
I figured that I had to write something to you here, because you read everything I write anyway, and you think all I do is write awful things about you. Well, I don't. Most of the time, I dont write anything of real importance as it is, let alone anything about my family. But now I'm going to, because the way i see it, this is the only way I can tell you the things I want to without crying, being interrupted, or getting picked on.
First of all, Daddy, I want you to know that I love you. I love you because everything I see myself doing I know I get from you. Mom's right, you know, we only fight all the time because we are so identical that we repel, like magnets. I'm stubborn because of you, and I'm loud because of you, and I have intense and sudden bursts of rage because of you. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up, and now I'm getting there and I think it's true.
You don't have to tell me that everything you have done for the last 18 and a half years has been to protect me; from others, and from myself in more recent years. I believe that that is all you want. But I'm so tired of being lectured on everything from driving decisions to skirts, from phone conversations to my choice of boyfriend. Just once, for the first time in years, I would like to talk to you when we are riding in a car together, just talk about things that are going on, instead of sitting in awkward silence as I count the number of bugs on the windshield. We could talk about your baseball team, or how afraid I am of going to college, or what I think about Andy and Josh, or maybe about Zach. There is so much of me that wishes I could tell you everything about him, or show you a tiny piece of how happy I am when I am with him. You call me pathetic, and say that I will lose everything over him. Which is better, losing it by his choice or mine, or because of you? Why should I not be allowed to choose when to say good-bye? If he breaks my heart, like you tell me every day that he will, then I will cry and be sad and I'll get over it. If I end things now, to please you...I will cry, and be sad, and resent you for the "what-ifs." I'm sorry to the end of the world that it is painful for you to see me hurt, but would it be better to know you were the cause of it? You may not trust him, Daddy, but I have no choice but to. Because I really, really like him. No, wait. I know I'm young, and I have no idea what life is like, or what I'm about to face, but the person that I am right now LOVES him. I love him.
I wish I could tell you that there is nothing to worry about, but I am worried constantly. I don't know if we will ever get along, but because this is too cliched to say to your face, I'll tell you here that you never stopped being my hero, Daddy.