The Last Day
Well here I sit on my bed at Longwater Chase. I admit I am very sad. My room is no where near ready for tomorrow, but I can feel that my face is pale, my arms are weak and its all I can do to keep my eyes open.
Tonight, I sat in the Family room. All the train pictures, train clocks and model trains have been packed away. The shelving that held the tapes and DVDs is gone. The TV entertainment center is bare; no more records or speakers and on the mantle above the fireplace only our fish Merlin swim solemnly in his bowl. I tried to think back to the “last times” at Longwater.
The last time I sat with Samantha which was Wednesday, we were watching a television show that I can’t even recall now. The last time I ate dinner with the whole family was Tuesday I believe minus dad of course because of band night. The last time with Ryan in the family room, flipping channels between The Family Guy and The Simpsons; oh I enjoyed that. Sadly the last time with Scott was when he was bugging me in the computer room down stairs while I was trying to do homework. The last time sitting with Dad and Lynda and Jennifer in the family room, was when we were eating our lunch and feeling completely drained by the morning.
After I reflected on the last times, I went to the kitchen. I know that people know the feeling when people get the empty feeling when they are starving and desperately wanting something to eat; well tonight if you were feeling hungry, there would be no saving you, because the kitchen was empty. There was nothing to eat out of, nor is there any really ‘food’ to eat. Of course there are the salad dressings, small sweet tomatoes, lettuce, ketchup, barbeque sauce and cranberry juice, but honestly who wants to drink out of a huge jug of cranberry juice? Certainly not me.
However, I kept looking in the cupboards, and the pantry, once, twice sometimes even three times, as if I was expecting something to be there. It was the weirdest thing. I have never been in such denial before when it comes to a move. I honestly can’t grasp that tomorrow, my bed won’t be here anymore, my cow collection won’t be looking back at me, my school books won’t be lying askew around my bed. It will all be gone and will all be just a memory in my heart.
As I left the kitchen, I said to myself ‘It’s all been a dream’. The house was never really a life, it was a fantasy, an epiphany you could say of the ultimate house, where each person had their place, we had friends near by, all conveniences were close and most importantly, we were happy. (More than not anyway)
Jennifer had her prom at this house, Scott fell into the pool twice at this house, Ryan woke up to a phone at 1 a.m. and thought it was time for school, Samantha broke two can openers in one day in the first few official days after moving in (okay so maybe I was to blame too for that) and as for me I was in two rear-end collisions, I got a new car, I was accepted to the Education program (I sat in the family by myself and open my acceptance package…it was one of the best moments in my life), I was promoted to Supervisor at my store, and most importantly I began my life as an adult role model in this house.
The one thing of true sadness for me, is this is the last house that my dog Rags lived in. I still remember her sitting in my lap in the backyard and completely falling asleep on a warm summer’s day, when usually she would be sniffing away at the fences and chasing the squirrels up the trees. I miss her so much. She was always such a comfort and a ‘silent’ buddy in my stressful times…as much as she was an annoyance at times.
So I guess that’s about it. My body aches from the entire ‘box’ moving today, and all I want to do is go to sleep. It’s 10:42p.m. and tomorrow morning I will post this on live journal, and then I will say goodbye to Longwater and to the life I have had here. I will always keep my memories and my dreams of what this house meant to me. As for now, I sit in bed, with my laptop at my fingertips and an X-Files DVD in the player. What episode will be the last time for this house? Syzygy? Grotesque? Piper Maru? Apocrypha? I haven’t decided…thank goodness for the X-files. Some things will always stay constant.
And other things, well I guess they will always be a constant contest.
Tonight, I sat in the Family room. All the train pictures, train clocks and model trains have been packed away. The shelving that held the tapes and DVDs is gone. The TV entertainment center is bare; no more records or speakers and on the mantle above the fireplace only our fish Merlin swim solemnly in his bowl. I tried to think back to the “last times” at Longwater.
The last time I sat with Samantha which was Wednesday, we were watching a television show that I can’t even recall now. The last time I ate dinner with the whole family was Tuesday I believe minus dad of course because of band night. The last time with Ryan in the family room, flipping channels between The Family Guy and The Simpsons; oh I enjoyed that. Sadly the last time with Scott was when he was bugging me in the computer room down stairs while I was trying to do homework. The last time sitting with Dad and Lynda and Jennifer in the family room, was when we were eating our lunch and feeling completely drained by the morning.
After I reflected on the last times, I went to the kitchen. I know that people know the feeling when people get the empty feeling when they are starving and desperately wanting something to eat; well tonight if you were feeling hungry, there would be no saving you, because the kitchen was empty. There was nothing to eat out of, nor is there any really ‘food’ to eat. Of course there are the salad dressings, small sweet tomatoes, lettuce, ketchup, barbeque sauce and cranberry juice, but honestly who wants to drink out of a huge jug of cranberry juice? Certainly not me.
However, I kept looking in the cupboards, and the pantry, once, twice sometimes even three times, as if I was expecting something to be there. It was the weirdest thing. I have never been in such denial before when it comes to a move. I honestly can’t grasp that tomorrow, my bed won’t be here anymore, my cow collection won’t be looking back at me, my school books won’t be lying askew around my bed. It will all be gone and will all be just a memory in my heart.
As I left the kitchen, I said to myself ‘It’s all been a dream’. The house was never really a life, it was a fantasy, an epiphany you could say of the ultimate house, where each person had their place, we had friends near by, all conveniences were close and most importantly, we were happy. (More than not anyway)
Jennifer had her prom at this house, Scott fell into the pool twice at this house, Ryan woke up to a phone at 1 a.m. and thought it was time for school, Samantha broke two can openers in one day in the first few official days after moving in (okay so maybe I was to blame too for that) and as for me I was in two rear-end collisions, I got a new car, I was accepted to the Education program (I sat in the family by myself and open my acceptance package…it was one of the best moments in my life), I was promoted to Supervisor at my store, and most importantly I began my life as an adult role model in this house.
The one thing of true sadness for me, is this is the last house that my dog Rags lived in. I still remember her sitting in my lap in the backyard and completely falling asleep on a warm summer’s day, when usually she would be sniffing away at the fences and chasing the squirrels up the trees. I miss her so much. She was always such a comfort and a ‘silent’ buddy in my stressful times…as much as she was an annoyance at times.
So I guess that’s about it. My body aches from the entire ‘box’ moving today, and all I want to do is go to sleep. It’s 10:42p.m. and tomorrow morning I will post this on live journal, and then I will say goodbye to Longwater and to the life I have had here. I will always keep my memories and my dreams of what this house meant to me. As for now, I sit in bed, with my laptop at my fingertips and an X-Files DVD in the player. What episode will be the last time for this house? Syzygy? Grotesque? Piper Maru? Apocrypha? I haven’t decided…thank goodness for the X-files. Some things will always stay constant.
And other things, well I guess they will always be a constant contest.