Livejournal Stalkery Report
LJ stalking horror - a report by constant_craver.
n_is_for is stalking constant_craver
n_is_for’s REAL name :
Lorelei Hetherington
n_is_for’s REAL DOB :
25th January 1986
Height :158 cm
Weight : 72.4 kg
n_is_for has dreamt about you :
30 times
n_is_for became interested in you :
06th February 2003
n_is_for’s latest dream about you
After a brief rendezvous in a unisex spa, the two lovers decide to make kittens behind an unattended reception desk. 5 minutes into the experience David Hasselhoff mysteriously appears at the desk with his hand resting casually on the side of his cheek trying to surpress the grin that by-now has engulfed his face. He steals a glimpse of your genetalia before disappearing as quickly as he came.
This is how n_is_for describes your relationship behind your back
‘We were destined to be together and you’ll soon be tying the knot.’
n_is_for’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
A pair of soiled underpants that you left out in your backyard after a night out on the razz.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
n_is_for spent a worrying amount of money tattooing your name, spelt in chinese symbols down the side of their legs.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
The world cannot take away what we have. We are destined to be two lovebirds entwined eternally in our love for one another. To cut the crap, do you fancy a fuck?
The Police
No. calls to the police :
7 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hi, could you put me through to the police? Hi this is constant_craver. Yes that is my real name, what’s so funny? I’m ringing to report a serious egging at my home. This psycho I met off the internet came over here just under an hour ago and started pelting my bedroom window relentlesly for what must have been half an hour before our next door neighbours dog came out."
n_is_for’s Police File
It is only a matter of time before we encover a mass of decomposed bodies within n_is_for’s refridgerator.
Testimonies about n_is_for
emo_conflict - An overly camp drama queen
‘n_is_for and I never saw eye-to-eye. And I’m glad now we didn’t. What a fucking creep.’
slick_bastard - A daring kleptomaniac
‘Jesus fuck! You’ve got to be joking?!??! n_is_for? A pervert? It’s quite funny now I think about it. What an idiot!’
hascoldhands - Eats everything.
‘Well well, who would have thought it? n_is_for a pervert? I knew it all along. They used to watch me getting undressed through my bedroom window every night.’