wow

[consciencenon]

wow. i havent written in a long time.since april. theres a lot of stuff that i need to say. i had a boyfriend. his name was brian. he dumped me. i really dont care that much because there really wasnt anything there. and i just think we'd be awesome friends. but since we broke up we only talk online and he just told me that his sister is taking the computer back to college and he wont have it anymore. so no more talking to brian. plus hes comming over tomorrow to give me back my american history x movie. i wonder if its going to be weird seeing him. i doubt it. they was only really one boyfriend i loved and that was andy. sucks that i would be nice to him now after every bit of pain he put me through. i dont know. i really dont feel like i need to be enemies with anyone anymore. i mean whats the point? ALSO, whats the point in dating someone if you dont love them and arent going to be with them forever. i mean its just a waste of time. and im not just saying this because i just resently got dumped. ive been thinking about this for awhile.ever since the beginning of the summer when Michele Cavosie said she was never going to marry anymore because how are you supposed to love someone if they change all the time. and i just dont understand how loving someone makes you feel so good. why does it feel so nice to be loved? and why do you have to try so hard with someone that you think you love? i mean if you love them then it will be ok. but i hate when girls are like all scared that theyre boyfriends are going to dump them because it shows that if theyre boyfriend does dump them then it wasnt meant to be. they werent in love. its okay. i mean i wasnt hurt when brian dumped me. i was just like..yah he didnt love me. but i knew that all along. so why do girls try and pretend they are loved when it shows by how scared they are to lose there boyfriends that theyre not in love at all. if your in love your partner wont care what you do because they love everything that you do. sorry to the person thats reading this. ive just got a lot of stuff on my mind. my uncle who i havent talked to since forever just called to say that my grandmothers sister died. my dad loved her like his own mother. and its just making me pissed of that the only reason he would call is to say someone died. nothing else. not a Hello to his brother (my dad) who could die any second. nothing. i would love to see my uncles face if and when my dad does die. because i hope he crys more than anyone else. for being such a dick to his own brotehr and not spending time with him when he needed it the most. my dad has lost his mother, his mothers sister and his best friend. hes lost his dad too but his dad is still alive and only writes him birthday cards. i guess asshole runs in teh family. i just dont understand how everyone takes everything for granted all the fucking time. it doesnt make sense. PEOPLE. be happy for those days when you sleep over your friends house and laugh about nothing. be happy for when your favorite oldies song comes on the radio and you thought everyone in the entire world forgot about it. be happy. please. it would make me a lot better off seeing people who are having a good time with barely nothing at all.

i think thats all for now. sorry if i killed someones self esteem.