THE BAKER
I know you, little libertine
I know you're a cannonball
I'll be your whatever you want
The bong in this Reggae Song.
Name: Conrad Mallory
Age/Birthdate: 32, May 12th
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Occupation: One of the managers of a pizza place called The Pizza Joint and a horticulturist of sorts.
Fairytale: The Baker
Ability, if any: To...bake?
Status: Everyone pretty much knows he's the Baker. There's little reason to hide that.
History:
Born in Gloucester, England to two of the most stuffy historians the world had ever seen, Conrad was the awkward youngest child. His sister was the star of the family simply because she had memorized every English king and queen by the age of ten. His parents showered her with some of the best gifts like novelty chess boards and books about Roman Law. At first Conrad envied her, but it turned into dislike and eventually hate of anything that involved history. And so out of rebellion decided that literature was much more important than historical facts. This severe defiance of family code caused a rift so deep that it couldn't be healed, even if he did take up studying Medieval and Renaissance Europe from 476 to 1517.
So, like any dejected boy from the 1980's, Conrad began to take up three great loves and escapes: books, MTV and video games. By high school he worked for a local book store and specialized in science fiction advice to customers (much to his parent's dismay). He knew that he would never be able to write anything worth reading, but he was content being a fan. It was here, at the bookstore, that he was first introduced to pot. There was an amazingly wonderful, edgy and beautiful girl named Jane who specialized in horror novels (Peter Straub was her literary lover) that once asked if he wanted some of her 'cigarette'. He couldn't say no, and soon they were tearing up bibles for the paper, rolling blunts and enjoying themselves in an otherwise repressed English town.
With low grades in everything except English and cooking class, he started to follow Jane around and falling into a suburban wasteland of boredom, MTV and pot. Her friends taught him the science behind growing pot and he started to believe that he could really start growing some of his own. The more they got high the more crazy ideas to leave town they thought up. Finally, after graduating high school, they saved up enough money from working at the bookstore and selling their friend's pot that they left England for New York with dreams of hitchhiking across the USA until the either got to San Fransisco.
Money was low, so Conrad started working at a pizza place run by an old hippy who used to work in Andy Warhol's factory. The man took Conrad under his wing and as the 1990's lurched forward, Conrad became the poster boy for Slacker America. He didn't like to leave his neighborhood, rarely did much more than work at the pizza place, bake and go to parties where everyone just sort of sat around. The only productive thing he did was save money for a place with a decent basement to start growing his own pot. Which, to his own surprise, he was very good at. Unfortunately Jane, who was much more motivated than he ever was and begged him to go on their much anticipated road trip. But, he refused. He had already adopted a cat after all, and leaving it behind would be cruel.
So, Jane left his life forever and though Conrad knew he was supposed to feel bad about it, he really didn't. He loved his life, even if it meant not doing anything special. It wasn't until 1998 that he achieved perhaps the most important thing he had ever done in his life. Conrad unwittingly combined his mortal love of weed and his tale ability of baking and made weed brownies. They were such a hit among his friends that he made the most money he had ever made in his entire life and nearly was arrested by the cops because of the uproar his brownies caused. Deciding that a little English twerp in state prison would mean instant violation of all things he held sacred, he put up his apron forever and sold his pot much more secretively. Because, there has to be a certain amount of paranoia for a pot grower to survive.
It was then that he started to almost feel the nursery rhyme he belonged to. Once, while tripping out, he spent the whole day in a bathtub and tried very hard to figure out why it felt so right. He was soon contacted and told that he was this very same tale was starting to think about so much. He was confused and reluctant about the whole thing until he started to meet people from his tale and other tales that seemed like they had embraced it. In fact, Conrad was just mostly upset that he didn't get a more interesting tale. There was something disturbing about three men in a tub sailing off to god knows where.
In the following years, Conrad started doing most of the work for the old hippy, received citizenship and actually became a somewhat productive member of society. He wrestled with his natural urge to just do nothing for the rest of his life and the sneaking suspicion that he might be a loser. Now in his thirties and feeling inadequate, Conrad has been growing and pushing more pot than he had before. It's the only thing he's good at in his mind and though it's beginning to get in the way of his job, it's hard to give up old habits.
Personality:
Under motivated is the best way to describe Conrad Mallory. Though he might gripe and complain about his life, he actually enjoys it quite a bit and doesn't really plan on changing anything anytime soon. Not that he ever really could. In truth, even if he did hate everything about his life the likelihood of him doing something about it would be slim to none. He likes routine, seeing the same people and doing the same things. And, the great thing about growing plants is that they normally don't grow very fast.
Though, when things get really bad he does have a tendency to run away from his problems. His parents and family life are a prime example because when he couldn't take them anymore he ran off to a completely different continent. But, he didn't do it alone. He doesn't like venturing into the unknown without someone with him, but if someone actually comes along for the ride then he thinks it's the best idea in the world. Validation is always key.
While most people who have centered their lives around pot are laid back, Conrad borders between lazy and somewhat frustrated. Ever since he was young his parents, family and friends all considered him to be something of a loser, so that's what he's mostly dealing with. But, instead of sinking into depression, Conrad is just a little skeptical of people and rarely suffers any fools. He can be good natured to a point, but is easily frustrated by little things and dwells on trivial matters for much longer than he should. This is why most people prefer him when he's high.
He is as vulgar as vulgar comes and lacks any sort of filter for it. He actually could take up creative swearing professionally if he wanted to and finds that the most eloquent vulgarity proves to be the best way to relieve his frustration. There's nothing in his life that requires him to be clean or act mature. In this way, he seems to have a serious disconnect with his peer group. And, it would alarm him if he hadn't surrounded himself with people who are a lot like him in this way. All his friends are people who don't live conventional lives because of either pushing drugs or just general procrastination. Conrad knows that if he lived back in England he'd probably feel as though he'd have to change his ways.
Finally, Conrad is a little paranoid. Not just about being caught by the police, but about nearly everything. He's paranoid about losing favor with his hippy boss and being demoted. He's paranoid that he's going to die alone and unhappy. He's paranoid that people are always making fun of him. His fears are actually quite endless. But, this makes him a lot sharper and less likely to get in trouble for his less than honorable side profession.
Played-By: Martin Freeman http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/06/19/robinsonsM_070514014810945_wideweb__300x455,1.jpg
the obligatory bit
He has a pretty comfortable relationship with his tale, but he wouldn't say that it defines who he is. It's sort of the foundation for how he turned out and is usually what he uses as an excuse for any odd behavior, but that's about it. Conrad also feels naturally connected with the Butcher and Candlestick Maker even if they don't feel the same. They did share a bathtub together.
the optional bit
He'd definitely try to forge friendships with the other two characters in his tale. Outside of that, he'd be friends with artists, slackers and I think anyone else who can't quite phase into maturity like him. Conrad is a pretty responsible person, so he wouldn't try and sell his pot to everyone and would actually be pretty wary of giving any to the tales unless he trusted them a great deal.
I know you're a cannonball
I'll be your whatever you want
The bong in this Reggae Song.
Name: Conrad Mallory
Age/Birthdate: 32, May 12th
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Occupation: One of the managers of a pizza place called The Pizza Joint and a horticulturist of sorts.
Fairytale: The Baker
Ability, if any: To...bake?
Status: Everyone pretty much knows he's the Baker. There's little reason to hide that.
History:
Born in Gloucester, England to two of the most stuffy historians the world had ever seen, Conrad was the awkward youngest child. His sister was the star of the family simply because she had memorized every English king and queen by the age of ten. His parents showered her with some of the best gifts like novelty chess boards and books about Roman Law. At first Conrad envied her, but it turned into dislike and eventually hate of anything that involved history. And so out of rebellion decided that literature was much more important than historical facts. This severe defiance of family code caused a rift so deep that it couldn't be healed, even if he did take up studying Medieval and Renaissance Europe from 476 to 1517.
So, like any dejected boy from the 1980's, Conrad began to take up three great loves and escapes: books, MTV and video games. By high school he worked for a local book store and specialized in science fiction advice to customers (much to his parent's dismay). He knew that he would never be able to write anything worth reading, but he was content being a fan. It was here, at the bookstore, that he was first introduced to pot. There was an amazingly wonderful, edgy and beautiful girl named Jane who specialized in horror novels (Peter Straub was her literary lover) that once asked if he wanted some of her 'cigarette'. He couldn't say no, and soon they were tearing up bibles for the paper, rolling blunts and enjoying themselves in an otherwise repressed English town.
With low grades in everything except English and cooking class, he started to follow Jane around and falling into a suburban wasteland of boredom, MTV and pot. Her friends taught him the science behind growing pot and he started to believe that he could really start growing some of his own. The more they got high the more crazy ideas to leave town they thought up. Finally, after graduating high school, they saved up enough money from working at the bookstore and selling their friend's pot that they left England for New York with dreams of hitchhiking across the USA until the either got to San Fransisco.
Money was low, so Conrad started working at a pizza place run by an old hippy who used to work in Andy Warhol's factory. The man took Conrad under his wing and as the 1990's lurched forward, Conrad became the poster boy for Slacker America. He didn't like to leave his neighborhood, rarely did much more than work at the pizza place, bake and go to parties where everyone just sort of sat around. The only productive thing he did was save money for a place with a decent basement to start growing his own pot. Which, to his own surprise, he was very good at. Unfortunately Jane, who was much more motivated than he ever was and begged him to go on their much anticipated road trip. But, he refused. He had already adopted a cat after all, and leaving it behind would be cruel.
So, Jane left his life forever and though Conrad knew he was supposed to feel bad about it, he really didn't. He loved his life, even if it meant not doing anything special. It wasn't until 1998 that he achieved perhaps the most important thing he had ever done in his life. Conrad unwittingly combined his mortal love of weed and his tale ability of baking and made weed brownies. They were such a hit among his friends that he made the most money he had ever made in his entire life and nearly was arrested by the cops because of the uproar his brownies caused. Deciding that a little English twerp in state prison would mean instant violation of all things he held sacred, he put up his apron forever and sold his pot much more secretively. Because, there has to be a certain amount of paranoia for a pot grower to survive.
It was then that he started to almost feel the nursery rhyme he belonged to. Once, while tripping out, he spent the whole day in a bathtub and tried very hard to figure out why it felt so right. He was soon contacted and told that he was this very same tale was starting to think about so much. He was confused and reluctant about the whole thing until he started to meet people from his tale and other tales that seemed like they had embraced it. In fact, Conrad was just mostly upset that he didn't get a more interesting tale. There was something disturbing about three men in a tub sailing off to god knows where.
In the following years, Conrad started doing most of the work for the old hippy, received citizenship and actually became a somewhat productive member of society. He wrestled with his natural urge to just do nothing for the rest of his life and the sneaking suspicion that he might be a loser. Now in his thirties and feeling inadequate, Conrad has been growing and pushing more pot than he had before. It's the only thing he's good at in his mind and though it's beginning to get in the way of his job, it's hard to give up old habits.
Personality:
Under motivated is the best way to describe Conrad Mallory. Though he might gripe and complain about his life, he actually enjoys it quite a bit and doesn't really plan on changing anything anytime soon. Not that he ever really could. In truth, even if he did hate everything about his life the likelihood of him doing something about it would be slim to none. He likes routine, seeing the same people and doing the same things. And, the great thing about growing plants is that they normally don't grow very fast.
Though, when things get really bad he does have a tendency to run away from his problems. His parents and family life are a prime example because when he couldn't take them anymore he ran off to a completely different continent. But, he didn't do it alone. He doesn't like venturing into the unknown without someone with him, but if someone actually comes along for the ride then he thinks it's the best idea in the world. Validation is always key.
While most people who have centered their lives around pot are laid back, Conrad borders between lazy and somewhat frustrated. Ever since he was young his parents, family and friends all considered him to be something of a loser, so that's what he's mostly dealing with. But, instead of sinking into depression, Conrad is just a little skeptical of people and rarely suffers any fools. He can be good natured to a point, but is easily frustrated by little things and dwells on trivial matters for much longer than he should. This is why most people prefer him when he's high.
He is as vulgar as vulgar comes and lacks any sort of filter for it. He actually could take up creative swearing professionally if he wanted to and finds that the most eloquent vulgarity proves to be the best way to relieve his frustration. There's nothing in his life that requires him to be clean or act mature. In this way, he seems to have a serious disconnect with his peer group. And, it would alarm him if he hadn't surrounded himself with people who are a lot like him in this way. All his friends are people who don't live conventional lives because of either pushing drugs or just general procrastination. Conrad knows that if he lived back in England he'd probably feel as though he'd have to change his ways.
Finally, Conrad is a little paranoid. Not just about being caught by the police, but about nearly everything. He's paranoid about losing favor with his hippy boss and being demoted. He's paranoid that he's going to die alone and unhappy. He's paranoid that people are always making fun of him. His fears are actually quite endless. But, this makes him a lot sharper and less likely to get in trouble for his less than honorable side profession.
Played-By: Martin Freeman http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/06/19/robinsonsM_070514014810945_wideweb__300x455,1.jpg
the obligatory bit
He has a pretty comfortable relationship with his tale, but he wouldn't say that it defines who he is. It's sort of the foundation for how he turned out and is usually what he uses as an excuse for any odd behavior, but that's about it. Conrad also feels naturally connected with the Butcher and Candlestick Maker even if they don't feel the same. They did share a bathtub together.
the optional bit
He'd definitely try to forge friendships with the other two characters in his tale. Outside of that, he'd be friends with artists, slackers and I think anyone else who can't quite phase into maturity like him. Conrad is a pretty responsible person, so he wouldn't try and sell his pot to everyone and would actually be pretty wary of giving any to the tales unless he trusted them a great deal.