(no subject)
today i got called to the guidance counselors office out of class and my mom was there. she came to tell me that my dad died this morning.
i don't know why i am updating at a time like this. i need to let out my feelings somewhere.
he's been really sick for over the past year with cirrhosis and hepatitis, getting his stomach pumped, constantly throwing up.
throughout this past year, i have watched his once commanding and muscular figure transform into a meek skeleton of a man. it hurt to look at him wasting away, and hug his fragile body that became tinier than my small 5’4” frame. and now he is gone.
i haven't talked to him in almost a month. i've called and left messages but he's been so sick he has been distancing himself from me. today my mom went to the guy's house he was staying at to see how he was because she hadn't heard from him. the gate was locked and she called the non emergency police. they came and had to break in through the window. they found him in bed, he had died in his sleep.
since i've found out i haven't stopped crying. i was mad at him at first because i never even got to say goodbye or give him a hug or hear his voice in so long. i just hope i said i love you the last time i saw him.
my mom is letting me choose some things about the funeral. i don't want him creamated and i think i'd like an open casket so i can see him one more time.
i still don't completely believe he is gone and i think i will be crying for a while. i took out all his old cds that i stole from him when i was little and i'm listening to all the songs we used to sing together. i think that would have made him happy.
and as much as i am hurting from this, i know he will be there in spirit when i turn 18, when i get my license, when i go to prom, when i leave for college. and i know he will always be around somewhere and maybe even here in spirit to walk me down the aisle when i get married.
i know he is in heaven now and happy and free from his frail and aching body.
i wish i could have hugged him and said i love you one last time.
but i will always be my daddy's little girl.
i don't know why i am updating at a time like this. i need to let out my feelings somewhere.
he's been really sick for over the past year with cirrhosis and hepatitis, getting his stomach pumped, constantly throwing up.
throughout this past year, i have watched his once commanding and muscular figure transform into a meek skeleton of a man. it hurt to look at him wasting away, and hug his fragile body that became tinier than my small 5’4” frame. and now he is gone.
i haven't talked to him in almost a month. i've called and left messages but he's been so sick he has been distancing himself from me. today my mom went to the guy's house he was staying at to see how he was because she hadn't heard from him. the gate was locked and she called the non emergency police. they came and had to break in through the window. they found him in bed, he had died in his sleep.
since i've found out i haven't stopped crying. i was mad at him at first because i never even got to say goodbye or give him a hug or hear his voice in so long. i just hope i said i love you the last time i saw him.
my mom is letting me choose some things about the funeral. i don't want him creamated and i think i'd like an open casket so i can see him one more time.
i still don't completely believe he is gone and i think i will be crying for a while. i took out all his old cds that i stole from him when i was little and i'm listening to all the songs we used to sing together. i think that would have made him happy.
and as much as i am hurting from this, i know he will be there in spirit when i turn 18, when i get my license, when i go to prom, when i leave for college. and i know he will always be around somewhere and maybe even here in spirit to walk me down the aisle when i get married.
i know he is in heaven now and happy and free from his frail and aching body.
i wish i could have hugged him and said i love you one last time.
but i will always be my daddy's little girl.