i'm back. this post was saved from years ago. it's good to look back.
I've admittedly been fairly antisocial lately. But can you really blame me? I'm finally focused on me and that's why I've stopped doing anything for anyone else. I've spent my entire life working to please others. For the first decade and a half of my life, I worked tirelessly in school, sports, and social events in order to please my family. I learned, after a few mistakes, that there's absolutely nothing I could do to displease my family as long as I had learned something from the experience. Finally, I understood what true learning meant, and the sacrifices one has to make to learn. I stopped trying, but continued reflecting. I began to live in the theoretical world. If and why and all that nonsense began to fill my thoughts, my dreams, and the idea of completion meant the end of research. I had fallen into a rut. I had lost my job, my phone had broken, my car was wrecked, my friends weren't there. I realized that in the same circumstance I would have lead a much more active and aggressive role in a friend's life if he or she were to have experienced the things I had. But nobody really knew because nobody really cared because I don't like to make people worry. I'm not suited for people unlike myself.
I want somebody to be interested-- excited, even. My problem has always been that I don't know how to sell myself. I'm not the best marketer. I have the most original ideas, but despite my well-versed understanding of the English Language, I have not been able to communicate those ideas, mostly based on the assumption that nobody cares. I know I don't give a damn about half the shit I listen to. But I'll listen, and I'll provide feedback, because I'm a polite person and I'm obsessed with pleasing others but I've got no concept of pleasure. I have no perception of the feeling. I'm faulty, as we all are, and I can't feel pleasure from another person because I've never been given it. All in all, you're all lowsy people with horrible personalities and too much interest in yourselves.
I've recently found my path. I'm excited and I have nobody to share the feeling with. I still enjoy making people happy. I'd like somebody to be happy for me but you don't even know how. I'll attempt to teach, but keep in mind, this isn't the same selfish and unsatisfying sort of joy you'll feel about that new car or cute girl.
First, you'll have to take a genuine interest in a person's life. Instead of ranking their insight second to your own, ignore your own perspective and try your best to understand theirs. In doing so, you'll have to adopt another person's collection of values and morality. After enough practice, you'll hold no morals of your own and all your possessions will drop in value until nothing really matters in your own life. Only when you reach the wisdom that you can survive without any of the luxuries you've been accustomed, and that such an uncluttered life can ease your stress, you can then begin to handle the stresses of others for them. But be careful, fuckers will load it on. Most people are going to try to stress you out to the point of insanity. Such people, however, will eventually mean nothing to you. If you live a harmonious life, you'll have no attention span for the tiny annoyances people actually believe are problems. You'll learn that life is continuous, and that with a positive perspective, everything happens for a reason and the more problems you run into, the greater of a person you'll be. Enduring others' problems for them can elevate your understanding to ubiquity. After all, we each pray to a god about our concerns and if the religion is right, god makes our concerns go away better than drugs.
Love is so misunderstood but the lot of you. I'm dumbfounded by the horribly skewed perception we gather from our families and the media and our friends. Forget all of that. Love isn't the same for anybody and there's no arguing it. The most solid statement I can make about love is that it is not about finding a person you want, and it's not about finding a person you need, or lust for, or care for, or dream about. Love is a mystery solved in the statement that it's not about who or what you're looking for, it's about who you're with. I know for a fact that anyone could be loved if the choice has been made to love them. We make marriage vows not as promises to our spouses, but as statements of fact that we will live by for the rest of our lives until we're no longer in control.
And the funny thing about life-- the real gem here-- is that we will be in control of ourselves forever-- but only if we choose to be in control.
I want somebody to be interested-- excited, even. My problem has always been that I don't know how to sell myself. I'm not the best marketer. I have the most original ideas, but despite my well-versed understanding of the English Language, I have not been able to communicate those ideas, mostly based on the assumption that nobody cares. I know I don't give a damn about half the shit I listen to. But I'll listen, and I'll provide feedback, because I'm a polite person and I'm obsessed with pleasing others but I've got no concept of pleasure. I have no perception of the feeling. I'm faulty, as we all are, and I can't feel pleasure from another person because I've never been given it. All in all, you're all lowsy people with horrible personalities and too much interest in yourselves.
I've recently found my path. I'm excited and I have nobody to share the feeling with. I still enjoy making people happy. I'd like somebody to be happy for me but you don't even know how. I'll attempt to teach, but keep in mind, this isn't the same selfish and unsatisfying sort of joy you'll feel about that new car or cute girl.
First, you'll have to take a genuine interest in a person's life. Instead of ranking their insight second to your own, ignore your own perspective and try your best to understand theirs. In doing so, you'll have to adopt another person's collection of values and morality. After enough practice, you'll hold no morals of your own and all your possessions will drop in value until nothing really matters in your own life. Only when you reach the wisdom that you can survive without any of the luxuries you've been accustomed, and that such an uncluttered life can ease your stress, you can then begin to handle the stresses of others for them. But be careful, fuckers will load it on. Most people are going to try to stress you out to the point of insanity. Such people, however, will eventually mean nothing to you. If you live a harmonious life, you'll have no attention span for the tiny annoyances people actually believe are problems. You'll learn that life is continuous, and that with a positive perspective, everything happens for a reason and the more problems you run into, the greater of a person you'll be. Enduring others' problems for them can elevate your understanding to ubiquity. After all, we each pray to a god about our concerns and if the religion is right, god makes our concerns go away better than drugs.
Love is so misunderstood but the lot of you. I'm dumbfounded by the horribly skewed perception we gather from our families and the media and our friends. Forget all of that. Love isn't the same for anybody and there's no arguing it. The most solid statement I can make about love is that it is not about finding a person you want, and it's not about finding a person you need, or lust for, or care for, or dream about. Love is a mystery solved in the statement that it's not about who or what you're looking for, it's about who you're with. I know for a fact that anyone could be loved if the choice has been made to love them. We make marriage vows not as promises to our spouses, but as statements of fact that we will live by for the rest of our lives until we're no longer in control.
And the funny thing about life-- the real gem here-- is that we will be in control of ourselves forever-- but only if we choose to be in control.