(no subject)
so as i sit here, i'm eating dinner and screwing around on my laptop. saaaaawheeeet. not awhole lot is new lately, but then again, its been a while since i got in a fight with my own left shoe. i really just cant come to terms with the fact that hes a republican. argh my peduncle!
what a weird guy i am. but then again, that doesnt really matter, because eric knows what the ladies like. too bad the one big thing the ladies DONT like is eric. ah well. so i was walking down the street the other day and i realized that i havent really done anything spectacular or amazing or even splendiferous lately. so i started thinking about some amazing sort of stunt or prank i can pull on people, and it hit me. I need to pull a prank on the WHOLE WORLD. only that will allow me to surpass my previous accomplishments in absurdity and uncalled-for meanspiritedness.
so i figure to pull this off im going to need about 1 billion volunteers. that shouldnt be too much of a problem, because over 17 trillion people (yes, 17 trillion...i broadcast to alantis and mars) read this PER HOUR. and since everyone who reads this or knows me is invariably cast under the spell of my influence, i will have no shortage of helping hands.
now here's what i envision: i want to sound the whoopie-cushion that will be heard round the world. approximately one in every six people will be carrying one, and at 1:32 gmt, i want every single one of those cushions to go off. I dont care if you place it on someone elses seat, your own, or run over it with a fucking car. i want it to go off at exactly 132 gmt. hopefully, the sound waves will travel around the earth, and if the calculations from that terrible movie "THE CORE" are correct, they will bounce off of each other and grow in magnitude, eventually creating one massive and extremely powerful fart sound. this day will go down in history, and perhaps religious icons of me holding a whoopie cushion will be erected everywhere throughout the world. i will never be forgotten.
what a weird guy i am. but then again, that doesnt really matter, because eric knows what the ladies like. too bad the one big thing the ladies DONT like is eric. ah well. so i was walking down the street the other day and i realized that i havent really done anything spectacular or amazing or even splendiferous lately. so i started thinking about some amazing sort of stunt or prank i can pull on people, and it hit me. I need to pull a prank on the WHOLE WORLD. only that will allow me to surpass my previous accomplishments in absurdity and uncalled-for meanspiritedness.
so i figure to pull this off im going to need about 1 billion volunteers. that shouldnt be too much of a problem, because over 17 trillion people (yes, 17 trillion...i broadcast to alantis and mars) read this PER HOUR. and since everyone who reads this or knows me is invariably cast under the spell of my influence, i will have no shortage of helping hands.
now here's what i envision: i want to sound the whoopie-cushion that will be heard round the world. approximately one in every six people will be carrying one, and at 1:32 gmt, i want every single one of those cushions to go off. I dont care if you place it on someone elses seat, your own, or run over it with a fucking car. i want it to go off at exactly 132 gmt. hopefully, the sound waves will travel around the earth, and if the calculations from that terrible movie "THE CORE" are correct, they will bounce off of each other and grow in magnitude, eventually creating one massive and extremely powerful fart sound. this day will go down in history, and perhaps religious icons of me holding a whoopie cushion will be erected everywhere throughout the world. i will never be forgotten.