Dorm life doesn't suit me
I hate the dorms. I really, really do. Perhaps not all dorms, but at least the one I am entrapped in at this moment. I have had my own room since I was seven. I am not comfortable being around this many strangers. And really, that's what they are and that's what they will remain, because they're not really the kind of people I think I can become good friends with. They're so . . . immature (I guess that's the word I'm looking for). I don't care about sports or getting drunk or converting to Christianity or the soap opera romances and intrigue that permeates my floor. I don't believe I can be friends with people I think I would have to explain my vocabulary to. I feel guilty about this at times because I'm pretty sure I'm coming off as an intellectual snob. But, fuck! This is who I am. I am NOT going to turn into drunken sorority girl in order to fit into this lovely assortment of people. I will not be nice, polite and asinine. I am not going to simplify my speech. I am speaking perfectly plain english. If you cannot keep up with it either study more or stop trying to converse with me. If I find that my sarcasm is over your head I WILL keep silent in order to avoid wasting the precious oxygen that is slowly being depleted and tainted by short sighted corporations. If my silence disturbs you I apologize, but I like being silent at times. I realize that this may be a startlingly new concept for some people, but every single second of the day does not need to be filled with inane chatter. I do not understand why certain people in my dorm insist upon one-sided conversations.
Perhaps my social skills need work, but I am perfectly sociable when in public. I wear my masks well and change them to fit the situation almost perfectly. I am perfectly comfortable conversing, for long periods of time, with complete and total strangers. Yet I cannot and will not wear a mask 24/7. Said sides of my personality are strictly for interviews, first impressions, certain family gatherings, and people I feel either need and/or deserve my respect. Then and only then do I restrain my cursing, sarcasm and cynicism (okay, not always on the sarcasm . . . my mask's not THAT good yet). If this makes me asocial than so be it!
I am used to being by myself when I so wish. I like being able to turn in early when I'm sick. I like being able to study whenever I need to. I like PRIVACY. I like listening to my music without my headphones. I like singing along to my music or reciting lines from plays or poetry just because I felt like it. I like being able to read as a source of entertainment. I like not having to explain my actions! I am NOT comfortable with people keeping track of my whereabouts. I like not being judged by people who have no right to judge me! I really shouldn't complain about my roommates, because I know that I could've done way worse for completely random last minute housing. It's just . . . GODS they can be frustrating! How dare they try to be condescending! I realize that I probably come off as slightly aloof to them, but its not like I TRY to snub them or anything. It's just, we have NOTHING in common. Music, books, politics, movies, art, theatre, poetry, philosophy; none of these topics have yielded a conversation of any worth. I know because I've tried all of them! I find temporary solace in my clubs and intellectual sanctuary with my friends, yet it is depressing whenever the party ends and I must make my way towards the prison I currently call home 5 out of 7 days a week. I hope I can talk my mom into letting me live off campus with my friends, 'cause another year of such a stifling atmosphere might drive me insane and/or suicidal. Or at the very least, I hope that the dorm I'm in next year will have odd people that I can banter with.
Hmm, I wonder why I'm being so verbose and melodramatic about my situation. After all I'm not residing here for more than a month. And this is an on-line journal, so why am I using vocabulary that, although not foreign to me, is not apart of my vernacular? And there I did it again! (We are the knights who say icky icky icky pe tang zoop ne.)
Perhaps this is just my teenage angst and melodrama developing late. After all, I never went through much drama in high school (personally at least). Perhaps this just reflects my perverse sense of humor, displaying my vocabulary in this rant about people who cannot keep up with it. Or, perhaps its just PMS ^_^
Lol, for some reason I like that last reason best ^_-
Perhaps my social skills need work, but I am perfectly sociable when in public. I wear my masks well and change them to fit the situation almost perfectly. I am perfectly comfortable conversing, for long periods of time, with complete and total strangers. Yet I cannot and will not wear a mask 24/7. Said sides of my personality are strictly for interviews, first impressions, certain family gatherings, and people I feel either need and/or deserve my respect. Then and only then do I restrain my cursing, sarcasm and cynicism (okay, not always on the sarcasm . . . my mask's not THAT good yet). If this makes me asocial than so be it!
I am used to being by myself when I so wish. I like being able to turn in early when I'm sick. I like being able to study whenever I need to. I like PRIVACY. I like listening to my music without my headphones. I like singing along to my music or reciting lines from plays or poetry just because I felt like it. I like being able to read as a source of entertainment. I like not having to explain my actions! I am NOT comfortable with people keeping track of my whereabouts. I like not being judged by people who have no right to judge me! I really shouldn't complain about my roommates, because I know that I could've done way worse for completely random last minute housing. It's just . . . GODS they can be frustrating! How dare they try to be condescending! I realize that I probably come off as slightly aloof to them, but its not like I TRY to snub them or anything. It's just, we have NOTHING in common. Music, books, politics, movies, art, theatre, poetry, philosophy; none of these topics have yielded a conversation of any worth. I know because I've tried all of them! I find temporary solace in my clubs and intellectual sanctuary with my friends, yet it is depressing whenever the party ends and I must make my way towards the prison I currently call home 5 out of 7 days a week. I hope I can talk my mom into letting me live off campus with my friends, 'cause another year of such a stifling atmosphere might drive me insane and/or suicidal. Or at the very least, I hope that the dorm I'm in next year will have odd people that I can banter with.
Hmm, I wonder why I'm being so verbose and melodramatic about my situation. After all I'm not residing here for more than a month. And this is an on-line journal, so why am I using vocabulary that, although not foreign to me, is not apart of my vernacular? And there I did it again! (We are the knights who say icky icky icky pe tang zoop ne.)
Perhaps this is just my teenage angst and melodrama developing late. After all, I never went through much drama in high school (personally at least). Perhaps this just reflects my perverse sense of humor, displaying my vocabulary in this rant about people who cannot keep up with it. Or, perhaps its just PMS ^_^
Lol, for some reason I like that last reason best ^_-