(no subject)
I dont know how much more I can take of this..I feel like Im loosing everything almost everyone, things wont be the same I dont see how they can. I gained so much when I moved here in 8th grade..the things that happened b4 that kinda got swept away..then they start to come back to haunt me, things now start to change everything that was going good starts spinning I trust ppl then those feelings start to deteriorate and ya know..I cant even give u a good reason why..I play out the absolute worst senarios in my head that leave me all alone sittin of my fucking ass like a little bitch. But then I feel bad cuz the other ppl involved dont understand why Im acting that way but the truth is I DONT KNOW..I cant tell you why cuz I honestly do not know the answer..maybe its the fact that I was treated like shit by my friends my whole life until I got here but then after a while I just start going over and over in my head "its an act they're gonna hurt me sooner or later" I make myself believe that everyone is gonna hurt me no matter what they say. Its a convenient way to keep my feelings inside even tho its killing me to. I dont want anyone to be hurt by MY feelings thats why I dont express them..I cant, I think thats my biggest fear, expressing myself will get me no where but alone......