fuck this life
I love how shit changes in one day, one hour no less. I go from having the best time in the world loving life to being so pissed off at everything and at everyone that i don't even know what i'm still doing here. I'm tired of trying to do the right thing, pleasing everyone, getting caught in the middle of my parents fights. Its not my shit!! I hate divorces, i hate it. Its like they make every little problem of ours a fight, which then comes back onto me. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! I wans't the one who fucked up you are! I will make something of my life whether i pass god damn math or not. I don't care anymore. I don't. You don't exactly cut out a life thats worth living. Its getting to the age that looking back to the times i'm suprised i lived i'm suprised i'm not as fucked up as i could be. Im suprised that i grew up fast put everything behind me and acted as if nothing ever happened. I let everything slide, ignored it, pretend like i don't see or hear it. But that was the only passage to peace in my life. But I'm so SICK of it!! I'm sick of covering my ears and eyes, turning the other way. I feel like screaming in your face again. I feel like kicking the shit out of you and punching you until i have nothing left. I'm so angry. I have no private life anymore. You know everything that happens to me. Your really good at acting like you've never heard it before when i do tell you shit. Why do you do this to me?? WHY? what have i ever done to loose your trust?! you tell me all the time what what a good kid i am, i always do what i'm told follow the rules yet you have some fucking spy device shit whatever the fuck you have on me, my phone tapped, my car wired, cameras places?? what? what the hell did i do to deserve that? What gave you the right to go into my PERSONAL LIFE! Maybe i did have a scare. But nothing happened. I was fine. I made a mistake. that gave u no right to hear about it however you did. no right. then come to me like some mob shit or spy movie when we're in a god damn crowd of people and its just me n you then question me about it. WHAT IS THAT?????? I'm tired of acting like the good daughter cause obviously i'm not. I'm not!! I drink, all the time. I have sex! I even fucking SMOKE on occasion. I have parties when my mom isn't home. I have bottles of alcolhol stashed in my room. I used to be the depressed child. Did you know why?? your so concerned in what i'm doing, or whom i'm doing. But did you ever look back and wonder what happeneD? did u ever wonder why i used to cut myself?? did u know who got me to stop? did u know who basically saved my life just by listening and understanding? do u ever care about the serious shit??? NO! i mean I get DECENT GRADES!! not all A's i'll admitt, but man atleast i'm not failing out. I know i'm going to graduate. I'm into sports. I spend quite alot of time at home, at your house atleast, I don't lie to often. all i ask for is some god damn privacy. BUt I've never had that, ever. EVER! And eventually i will start hating you for it again. because i can see it now. This last year is going to be the hardest. I'm not joking when i say afer graduation i'm gone. theres no point in me sticking around. I want to live my own life, not under your roof or a roof you bought for us. MY OWN!!! I want to be on MY OWN!!! so you cant figure out what i'm doing all the time. so u won't be watching me 24/7. So i can finally be alone. You know i wouldn't be suprised if you were reading this right now, as i'm typing. or later when its posted. But you know what! i dont' care. I'm done with this. You want to know so here it is. is this what you wanted to hear?