just another bad day in the life of stacey....
Yup thats right folks! Her bad week turned into a badish weekend and guess what???!! and even worse monday.
thats how it goes for us monsters i guess....
by the way thats what i overheard that people think of me as... "fat ugly monster" aint it lovely?
maybe thats why guys would never be cought dead talking to me by one of their friends...
i dont know anymore. but hey anybody want to read what i wrote in a notebook that was supposed to be put into here like friday? yeah i'm sure you do. expecially being mer and hannah are the only 2 i know who read these things and i'm sure you two are sick of my self pity and how depressed i am so i'm gunna appoligise now... i mainly use this thing to vent because i really dont have poeple that i can do that with and its just easyer to do in here, so i'm sorry.
anyhoo, here it goes:
"Fuck I cant Fucking take it anymore!
why the hell do people come to me for advise if they dont want to hear what i have to say? GOD! It makes NO FRICKING SENCE!
today {friday} for example in theory:
michelle- stacey read this and tell me what you think
me-why i dont even know what it is
michelle- come on! i just want your opinion
me- fine
*i read it and figure out its a history paper and then read the 1st paragraph*
me- it doesnt sound right. everythings here but its to choppy
michelle- no its not! becca read it earlyer and said it was fine
me- i got better grades on papers than becca and you wanted MY opinion
michelle- that was in english and this isnt an english paper its history and you read it as an english paper!
me- i know this isnt english and i didnt read it that...
michelle- yes you did! its not english its history!
me- *really ticked now* i think i know how the fuck i read the fucking paper so
shove it up your ass and fuck off!
michelle- dont get mad at me its your fault you read it that way
me- *walk off with out another word*
yeah that was fun.."
so yeah that was me on friday...i need to go throwing but i so havent had the time....
flashbacks are the topic of the day... lets now go back to chorus today while i was attempting to write a letter to mr grayeyes but couldnt write anything and i hate singing with the tape cus everyone is off so i didnt even bother... but yeah anyhoo here is a conversation i had with amy:
"me- you have art next block right?
amy- yulp
me- do you still like the guy you liked?
amy- yeah
me-do you know the feeling of lonleyness when you really like someone and all you can do is think about him no matter what?
amy- yup y?
me- are you friends with any of the guys in your art class?
amy- yes i is
me- all of them?
amy- yeah, who do you like?
me- a senior
amy- only one in the class and hes nice! ooo!
me- i dont know if i have a chance with him! i want one but i dont know if he
would give me one! and i really x like 100000000000 like him! and i cant stop. no matter how hard i try. because believe me i've tried. but i cant.
amy- you want me to see if i can get him alone long enough to talk to him?
me- its ok, you dont have to. if you wanna talk me up a bit though it couldnt hurt probobly. make him believe the truth and not just what others think...
amy- i can try but i'm not gunna make promices...
me- thanks amy.."
lovely flashbacks arnt they? and the last one had doodles and scribbles all over the paper too. grrr i couldnt concentrate all day... i think it was because of the dream i had last night, because i know it had to mean something but i dont know what it could have possibly ment. well what the heck... one more flash back sorta into my dream:
i was walking out of a room (i think it was a choir room because i remember just saying bye to mr g and stuff but it wasnt in our school) and he pops up outa no where and goes "fancy meeting you here" and i'm like about to faint cus the guy talked to me with his sexy voice that he can have and i'm like "hey! havent seen you in a while. what have you been up to?" and he's like "o nothing much, just looking everywhere for you" me "why?" and by this time my heart is going crazy... and he's like "to tell you i love you" and i literally stopped breathing for a sec and i was like "you what?" and he's like "i love you" and he leaned over a railing that was seperating us and kissed me and then he was gone and i was all alone in a room with a crib in the corner and he wasnt there but it smelled like him. but i think i was older because i knew i didnt have anyschool work to worry about i was just worried about what was in the crib and something else i couldnt quite put my finger on, and it was like something was missing in my heart. i dont know...
the first part of my dream up until him disappearing happened last night and when i took a nap after school (i dont feel 100%) i had the rest of the dream... i dont know... i'm tired and confused and i have a lot of homework i should probobly start so i'm gunna go.
if you actaully read this than thank you... maybe someone actaully cares...
thats how it goes for us monsters i guess....
by the way thats what i overheard that people think of me as... "fat ugly monster" aint it lovely?
maybe thats why guys would never be cought dead talking to me by one of their friends...
i dont know anymore. but hey anybody want to read what i wrote in a notebook that was supposed to be put into here like friday? yeah i'm sure you do. expecially being mer and hannah are the only 2 i know who read these things and i'm sure you two are sick of my self pity and how depressed i am so i'm gunna appoligise now... i mainly use this thing to vent because i really dont have poeple that i can do that with and its just easyer to do in here, so i'm sorry.
anyhoo, here it goes:
"Fuck I cant Fucking take it anymore!
why the hell do people come to me for advise if they dont want to hear what i have to say? GOD! It makes NO FRICKING SENCE!
today {friday} for example in theory:
michelle- stacey read this and tell me what you think
me-why i dont even know what it is
michelle- come on! i just want your opinion
me- fine
*i read it and figure out its a history paper and then read the 1st paragraph*
me- it doesnt sound right. everythings here but its to choppy
michelle- no its not! becca read it earlyer and said it was fine
me- i got better grades on papers than becca and you wanted MY opinion
michelle- that was in english and this isnt an english paper its history and you read it as an english paper!
me- i know this isnt english and i didnt read it that...
michelle- yes you did! its not english its history!
me- *really ticked now* i think i know how the fuck i read the fucking paper so
shove it up your ass and fuck off!
michelle- dont get mad at me its your fault you read it that way
me- *walk off with out another word*
yeah that was fun.."
so yeah that was me on friday...i need to go throwing but i so havent had the time....
flashbacks are the topic of the day... lets now go back to chorus today while i was attempting to write a letter to mr grayeyes but couldnt write anything and i hate singing with the tape cus everyone is off so i didnt even bother... but yeah anyhoo here is a conversation i had with amy:
"me- you have art next block right?
amy- yulp
me- do you still like the guy you liked?
amy- yeah
me-do you know the feeling of lonleyness when you really like someone and all you can do is think about him no matter what?
amy- yup y?
me- are you friends with any of the guys in your art class?
amy- yes i is
me- all of them?
amy- yeah, who do you like?
me- a senior
amy- only one in the class and hes nice! ooo!
me- i dont know if i have a chance with him! i want one but i dont know if he
would give me one! and i really x like 100000000000 like him! and i cant stop. no matter how hard i try. because believe me i've tried. but i cant.
amy- you want me to see if i can get him alone long enough to talk to him?
me- its ok, you dont have to. if you wanna talk me up a bit though it couldnt hurt probobly. make him believe the truth and not just what others think...
amy- i can try but i'm not gunna make promices...
me- thanks amy.."
lovely flashbacks arnt they? and the last one had doodles and scribbles all over the paper too. grrr i couldnt concentrate all day... i think it was because of the dream i had last night, because i know it had to mean something but i dont know what it could have possibly ment. well what the heck... one more flash back sorta into my dream:
i was walking out of a room (i think it was a choir room because i remember just saying bye to mr g and stuff but it wasnt in our school) and he pops up outa no where and goes "fancy meeting you here" and i'm like about to faint cus the guy talked to me with his sexy voice that he can have and i'm like "hey! havent seen you in a while. what have you been up to?" and he's like "o nothing much, just looking everywhere for you" me "why?" and by this time my heart is going crazy... and he's like "to tell you i love you" and i literally stopped breathing for a sec and i was like "you what?" and he's like "i love you" and he leaned over a railing that was seperating us and kissed me and then he was gone and i was all alone in a room with a crib in the corner and he wasnt there but it smelled like him. but i think i was older because i knew i didnt have anyschool work to worry about i was just worried about what was in the crib and something else i couldnt quite put my finger on, and it was like something was missing in my heart. i dont know...
the first part of my dream up until him disappearing happened last night and when i took a nap after school (i dont feel 100%) i had the rest of the dream... i dont know... i'm tired and confused and i have a lot of homework i should probobly start so i'm gunna go.
if you actaully read this than thank you... maybe someone actaully cares...