It's only 9am on saturday. Why am I awake?
I woke up and took a shower at 8am this morning.
I thought about going back to bed but i've been sleeping so much lately, i just can't anymore.
I'm thinking too much this morning.
Steph's entry got me thinking about what I was like when I was single.
At first, i was terribly lonely. Missing the warmth of someone else's skin against mine.. missing the way people held you when they cared about you, missing the kisses.
But then I felt okay. Like I lived my life for no one but myself. I had fun with my friends and did whatever I wanted to do, whenever i wanted to do it.
And then I remember feeling lonely again... wanting to include people in my daily events.
And then I'd find someone I crushed on and I'd attempt to go after it, only to be squashed from the turndown.
And then I got into this... fuck everyone mode. I didnt care about being with anyone. I really didnt. I thought people were just.. aggravating and that i was never going to be with someone I actually liked again.
And then me and Erin started dating.
And we still are.
A year and a half on christmas eve, i believe.
Part of me really wants to feel that... fuck everyone... feeling again. And honestly not care about being with anyone. But I love her. And no matter what stupid fights we get in.. or how much of an asshole I am to her sometimes, no matter what other people come between us.. we still love each other.
and that's hard to swallow.
I dont think i expected to love someone so much.
I'm still not sure I'm ready even though it's happening.
It's ridiculous how much you can hate a person while loving them an equal amount. It's true. There's a thin line. But most of the time.. you can just ignore the hate part.
ugh i know that sounds horrible. it's not really what I mean but it is what i mean. You know what I mean?
maybe i should just stop talking.
I thought about going back to bed but i've been sleeping so much lately, i just can't anymore.
I'm thinking too much this morning.
Steph's entry got me thinking about what I was like when I was single.
At first, i was terribly lonely. Missing the warmth of someone else's skin against mine.. missing the way people held you when they cared about you, missing the kisses.
But then I felt okay. Like I lived my life for no one but myself. I had fun with my friends and did whatever I wanted to do, whenever i wanted to do it.
And then I remember feeling lonely again... wanting to include people in my daily events.
And then I'd find someone I crushed on and I'd attempt to go after it, only to be squashed from the turndown.
And then I got into this... fuck everyone mode. I didnt care about being with anyone. I really didnt. I thought people were just.. aggravating and that i was never going to be with someone I actually liked again.
And then me and Erin started dating.
And we still are.
A year and a half on christmas eve, i believe.
Part of me really wants to feel that... fuck everyone... feeling again. And honestly not care about being with anyone. But I love her. And no matter what stupid fights we get in.. or how much of an asshole I am to her sometimes, no matter what other people come between us.. we still love each other.
and that's hard to swallow.
I dont think i expected to love someone so much.
I'm still not sure I'm ready even though it's happening.
It's ridiculous how much you can hate a person while loving them an equal amount. It's true. There's a thin line. But most of the time.. you can just ignore the hate part.
ugh i know that sounds horrible. it's not really what I mean but it is what i mean. You know what I mean?
maybe i should just stop talking.