(no subject)

May 05, 2006 15:05

There's something about this place that drives me crazy.

I don't know if its my house or just Syracuse in general.

However, I tihnk that it might just be the fact that this place holds so many memories.

I think thats why im always so scared to come back.

Sure, College has a lot of memories too, but they are mostly good. Even the bad ones aren't anything compared to what has happened here. The friendships Ive lost, the boy issues,the family drama...99% of it has happened here.

I know most of it is my fault, but Im not really sure what I can do to stop those memories from taking over again. I know they are in the past and they should be kept there, but whenever I come home, the past overwhelms me.

Summers used to be fun. Growing up has ruined that for me. Having to work to pay for school and other things is taking its toll.

I miss how things used to be. I miss my friends. I know its my fault that we're not friends anymore, but Im scared that its too late to fix it. Ive shut myself off from everyone too well. I guess its just sad knowing that everyone else is still fine and friends, except me. I know thats my fault too, dont worry, Im not blaming others.

Ive just been doing too much thinking this past week. Its making me crazy. My anxiety is coming back. I almost wish that I could be back at school working and doing schoolwork. My mind was busy then. It was also busy with others problems, not mine. I hate thinking about my own problems, I think most people know that. But, when you've shut yourself in for a week, thats really all you have to think about.

I guess im sick of being a shut-in. I just dont know how to get myself out.

Thats enough moody nonsense for now.
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