(no subject)
Its hard when you realize that you will always be second best. I was talking to laura about this the other day and i completly understand where she is coming from. i was thinking about the fact that if i ever get back with jeff it will be because he never found his "mason girlfriend" and that hurts. b/c if he had he would no longer be interested in me. i know he'd still be my friend, and i aprechiate that... but i wasn't his first choice anymore. He went for jana, looked for a random girl, and now that he's decided its useless he is a little more interested in the idea of me. No i am not saying he wants to get back together, idk what he wants. i know thats what i want, but i also kno at the same time it sucks that i will never be his 1st choice anymore, i have become his backup. idk how that happened... but it did. at the same time, even if he dated someone else and then decided he wanted me back i'd take him. i kno that sounds pathetic, and i shouldn't let myself settle for being some1's backup....as joe put it " it seems like he's settling and you shouldnt be settled for"... and i kno all that, the problem is i still love him. and i don't think i'd be able to not take him back no matter what. i understand its stupid, but its also stupid to turn down the one person i want to be with the most in this world just to prove the point i won't stand for being backup. idk i may be dumb, but all i want is to be happy, and thro everything, jeff is still what makes me happy